登陆注册
14198600000087

第87章 CHAPTER XI(5)

"But I began to like it when I sat by it that night in the moonlight; and the next day I liked it better; and before I left I loved it. It was not like the sky and stars, that talk of what has no beginning and no end; but it is so human. Of all the things I have ever seen, only the sea is like a human being; the sky is not, nor the earth. But the sea is always moving, always something deep in itself is stirring it. It never rests. It is always wanting, wanting, wanting. It hurries on; and then it creeps back slowly without having reached, moaning. It is always asking a question, and it never gets the answer. I can hear it in the day and in the night; the white foam breakers are saying that which I think. I walk alone with them when there is no one to see me, and I sing with them. I lie down on the sand and watch them with my eyes half shut. The sky is better, but it is so high above our heads. I love the sea. Sometimes we must look down too. After five days I went back to Grahamstown.

"I had glorious books, and in the night I could sit in my little room and read them; but I was lonely. Books are not the same things when you are living among people. I cannot tell why, but they are dead. On the farm they would have been living beings to me; but here, where there were so many people about me, I wanted some one to belong to me. I was lonely. I wanted something that was flesh and blood. Once on this farm there came a stranger; I did not ask his name, but he sat among the karoo and talked with me. Now, wherever I have travelled I have looked for him--in hotels, in streets, in passenger wagons as they rushed in, through the open windows of houses I have looked for him, but I have not found him--never heard a voice like his. One day I went to the Botanic Gardens. It was a half- holiday, and the band was to play. I stood in the long raised avenue and looked down. There were many flowers, and ladies and children were walking about beautifully dressed. At last the music began. I had not heard such music before.

"At first it was slow and even, like the everyday life, when we walk through it without thought or feeling; then it grew faster, then it paused, hesitated, then it was quite still for an instant, and then it burst out.

Lyndall, they made heaven right when they made it all music. It takes you up and carries you away, away, till you have the things you longed for, you are up close to them. You have got out into a large, free, open place. I could not see anything while it was playing; I stood with my head against my tree; but, when it was done, I saw that there were ladies sitting close to me on a wooden bench, and the stranger who had talked to me that day in the karoo was sitting between them. The ladies were very pretty, and their dresses beautiful. I do not think they had been listening to the music, for they were talking and laughing very softly. I heard all they said, and could even smell the rose on the breast of one. I was afraid he would see me; so I went to the other side of the tree, and soon they got up and began to pace up and down in the avenue.

"All the time the music played they chatted, and he carried on his arm the scarf of the prettiest lady. I did not hear the music; I tried to catch the sound of his voice each time he went by. When I was listening to the music I did not know I was badly dressed; now I felt so ashamed of myself.

I never knew before what a low, horrible thing I was, dressed in tancord.

That day on the farm, when we sat on the ground under the thorn-trees, I thought he quite belonged to me; now, I saw he was not mine. But he was still as beautiful. His brown eyes are more beautiful than any one's eyes, except yours.

"At last they turned to go, and I walked after them. When they got out of the gate he helped the ladies into a phaeton, and stood for a moment with his foot on the step talking to them. He had a little cane in his hand, and an Italian greyhound ran after him. Just when they drove away one of the ladies dropped her whip.

"'Pick it up, fellow,' she said; and when I brought it her she threw sixpence on the ground. I might have gone back to the garden then; but I did not want music; I wanted clothes, and to be fashionable and fine. I felt that my hands were coarse, and that I was vulgar. I never tried to see him again.

"I stayed in my situation four months after that, but I was not happy. I had no rest. The people about me pressed on me, and made me dissatisfied.

I could not forget them. Even when I did not see them they pressed on me, and made me miserable. I did not love books; I wanted people. When I walked home under the shady trees in the street I could not be happy, for when I passed the houses I heard music, and saw faces between the curtains.

I did not want any of them, but I wanted some one for mine, for me. I could not help it. I wanted a finer life.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 天天酷跑之魔王来袭

    天天酷跑之魔王来袭

    “天天酷跑”官方正版手游已在2013年正式上线了,各位酷跑粉丝们是不是觉得总玩游戏没意思呢,那就来看看最新上架的正版天天酷跑书籍吧,各位喜欢酷跑的粉丝们,来吧!(本书讲述了双枪小帅,喵小萌和刀锋宝贝的奇幻旅行,遇到了各种各样的酷跑大神,最后打拜了酷跑魔王!)来吧粉丝们!!!
  • 教你学习曲艺

    教你学习曲艺

    分3章:演讲的基本知识和基本技巧、各类演讲妙语译析、有关演讲的名言集锦。
  • 妄天

    妄天

    他在死亡的逼迫下,他在仇恨的催促下,他在四处被驱逐的屈辱下,不得不一步一步的走向更高的高峰。他在这途中,开始对天道的不公而怀恨在心,辰风:我命由我不由天,天若灭我我灭天!
  • 豪门boss缠妻成瘾

    豪门boss缠妻成瘾

    “哪怕是强的,恨我也好,这辈子休想逃出我的手心。”在她倒在血泊中的时候,他觉得自己快疯了……“我说过没有我的允许你不许离开我的身边,死也不行!“他哭了,为了这个女人再次流泪了,已经数不清是第几次,但是她就是有这样的本事,让他着魔。“爱上你我无怨无悔!看到你的眼泪我觉得我好幸福!“她躺在他温暖的怀里,笑着离开,就像是一颗陨落的流星……
  • 大佛顶如来放光悉怛多般怛罗大神力都摄一切咒王陀罗尼经大威德最胜金轮三昧咒品

    大佛顶如来放光悉怛多般怛罗大神力都摄一切咒王陀罗尼经大威德最胜金轮三昧咒品

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 癫狂的世界

    癫狂的世界

    我们日复一日,年复一年。每天忙忙碌碌,每天无所事事。这个世界需要一场大的变动,我们才会由昏昏沉沉而惊醒,这,就是癫狂的世界。
  • 邪王独宠,草包小姐逆苍天

    邪王独宠,草包小姐逆苍天

    她,华夏百年中医世家第八代传人,参加婚礼,一场车祸断送性命,穿越到灵灵大陆,一个草包小姐身上。拥有百年世家的中医知识,于是各种病手到擒来!你不会治的病,本小姐会治,你不会炼的药,本小姐会炼,本小姐是绝世天才炼药师!他是一世邪王,无上尊者,是这大陆的主宰,拥有万千子明对他俯首称臣,却为了救她甘愿舍弃一身修为为她续命,就为她活过来!“夜轻尘,只要有了你,我就有了整个世界!只要你能醒过来,放弃我的一切,我甘愿!”邪王抱着她悬浮在半空,宠溺的眼神看着她,温柔的语气响彻天际!【情节虚构,请勿模仿】
  • 那一生的遗憾

    那一生的遗憾

    如果人生可以从来,一定要让人生了无遗憾!当孟辉真正穿越人生重来之后,却发现一切并不是想的那样,了却了一些遗憾却增添了更多的遗憾;也许,没有遗憾的人生,就不是真正的人生······
  • 蔷薇之名

    蔷薇之名

    最坏的年代,最美的灵魂,最残忍的命运游戏;个人与家族,自由与责任,理性与激情的迷惘交错。公爵小姐与叛乱者的邂逅,红眸魔女与执政官的重逢,一次次生离死别,一番番擦身而过,走过凛春与严冬,走过断头台与长街,走过鲜血与苦痛的炼狱;当熟悉的目光再次交会,爱终如明媚的蔷薇,烂漫华美地盛开。
  • 综漫之无限火力

    综漫之无限火力

    经历长久长久又长久的空间穿梭后,云飞终于正式踏上了他的无尽穿越之旅。首先,第一个世界是火影忍者中的世界,在这里他遇到了三忍(纲手捕获成功),尾兽,宇智波斑。在这里,他学会了各种各样的忍术,篡改了各种各样的未来,得到了各种各样的妹子……。