It's a poor life you people lead with us to worry you. There's seventy millions of you in the United States, and only a few of us, and yet we keep you guessing all the year round. Why, we're the last thing you think of at night when you lock the doors, we're the first thing you think of in the morning when you feel for the silver basket. We're just a few up against seventy millions. Itell you there's fame and big money and a free life in my business.
ALICE:
Yes, it's a free life until you go to jail. It's this way. You're barbarians, and there's no place for you in a civilized community--except in jail. Everybody is working against you. Every city has its police force;almost every house nowadays has a private watchman. And if we want to raise a hue and cry after you, there are the newspapers, and the telegraph, and the telephone (nods at telephone)and the cables all over the--
HATCH:
(Grimly)
Thank you. One moment, please.
(Throws open overcoat, showing that it is lined with burglars'
jimmies, chisels, and augers..)
ALICE:
My! What an interesting coat. It looks like a tool chest. Just the coat for an automobile trip.
HATCH:
Harry, cut those telephone wires.
(Hands barbed-wire cutter to HARRY. To ALICE)Thank you for reminding me.
ALICE:
Oh, not at all. You've nothing to thank me for.
(HARRY goes to telephone. To HARRY)
Don't make a noise doing that. Don't wake my mother.
(To HATCH)
She's nervous, and she's ill, and if you wake her, or frighten her, I'll keep the police after you until every one of you is in jail.
HATCH:
You won't keep after us very far when I've tied you up. Bring me those curtain cords, Harry.
ALICE:
Oh, really, that's too ridiculous.
(Listens apprehensively)
HATCH:
Sorry I had to bust up your still alarm, but after we go, we can't have you chatting with the police. If you hadn't so kindly given me a tip about the telephone, I might have gone off and clean forgot that.
(HARRY takes curtain cords from window curtains.)REDDY:
I'm afraid pretty polly talked too much that time. We ain't all stupid.
ALICE:
No, so I see, so I see. It was careless of me. But everybody you call upon may not be so careless.
HATCH:
Well, I've won out for twenty years. I've never been in jail.
ALICE:
Don't worry. You're young. I told you you looked young. Your time is coming. In these days there's no room for burglars. You belong to the days of stage-coaches. You're old-fashioned now.
You're trying to fight civilization, that's what you're trying to do. You may keep ahead for a time, but in a long race I'll back civilization to win.
HATCH:
Is that so? Well, Miss Civilization, you've had your say, and Ihope you feel better.
(To HARRY)
Give me that silk muffler of yours.
(To ALICE)
If civilization is going to help you, it's got to hurry.
ALICE:
You don't mean to say you really are going to gag me?
HATCH:
I am.
ALICE:
My! But I shall look silly.
(With her face turned right she listens apprehensively.)HARRY:
(Coming down with curtain cords, and taking muffler from his pocket)I've got the stuff in this muffler.
HATCH:
Well, give me that, too.
(Shows inside coat pocket)
I'll put it in the safe.
(HARRY places muffler on table, exposing jewelry.)HATCH:
(begins placing the ornaments one at a time in his pocket. To ALICE.)What is it? What did you hear?
ALICE:
I--I thought I heard my mother moving about.
HATCH:
Well, she'd better not move about.
ALICE:
(Fiercely)
You'd better not wake her.
(Sees the jewels.)
Oh! Look at the "graft," or is it "swag?" Which is it?
HATCH:
(To HARRY)
Cover em up; cover it up.
(HARRY tries to hide the jewels with one hand, while he passes a lady's watch to HATCH.)HARRY:
(to ALICE)
That's YOUR watch. I'm sorry it has to go.
ALICE:
I'm not. It's the first time it ever did go. And, oh, thank you for taking that big brooch. It's a gift of father's, so I had to wear it, but it's so unbecoming.
(She listens covertly.)
HATCH:
Put your hat on them. Cover them up.
(HARRY partly covers jewels with his hat.
HATCH lifts a diamond necklace.)
ALICE:
I suppose you know your own business--but THAT IS PASTE.
HATCH:
Do you want to be gagged NOW?
ALICE:
Pardon me, of course you know what you want.
(Notices another necklace.)
Oh, that Mrs. Warren's necklace! So you called on her, too, did you? Isn't she attractive!
REDDY:
