Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun very young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you were--over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so--unsociable.
Don't be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces.
Now, I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior you are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right?
(Laughs.)
Why do you wear it?
HATCH:
(roughly)
To keep my face warm.
ALICE:
Oh, pardon me, my mistake.
(A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens eagerly. As the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face shows her disappointment.)HATCH:
What was that? There's no trains this time of night.
ALICE:
(speaking partly to herself)
It was a freight train, going the other way.
HATCH:
(suspiciously)
The other way? The other way from where?
ALICE:
From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to meet a burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom.
HATCH:
Yes, and they arrive so late.
ALICE:
(laughingly)
Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to have a sense of humor. While you're there, just close those blinds, please, so that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep. And then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper party.
HATCH:
(closing shutters)
Yes, if those were shut it might be safer.
(He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDYand HARRY enter, carrying plates.)
HARRY:
We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty good for amateurs.
REDDY:
We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some napkins?
(Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at head of table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her chair away from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCHsits still further away from the table on her left.)ALICE:
Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to some--REDDY:
(taking food in fingers)
Oh, we'll help ourselves.
ALICE:
Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you?
(To HATCH.)
Won't you join them?
HATCH:
No.
(Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to eat and drink heartily.)ALICE:
No? Well, then, while they're having supper, you and I will talk.
If you're going to gag me soon, I want to talk while I can.
(Rises and hands box to him.)
Have a cigar?
HATCH:
(takes cigar)
Thanks.
ALICE:
(standing with hand on back of chair)
Now, I want to ask you some questions. You are an intelligent man.
Of course, you must be, or you couldn't have kept out of jail for twenty years. To get on in your business, a man must be intelligent, and he must have nerve, and courage. Now--with those qualities, why, may I ask-- why are you so stupid as to be a burglar?
HARRY:
Stupid!
REDDY:
Well, I like that!
HATCH:
Stupid? Why, I make a living at it.
ALICE:
How much of a living?
HATCH:
Ten thousand a year.
ALICE:
Ten thousand--well, suppose you made FIFTY thousand. What good is even a hundred thousand for ONE year, if to get it you risk going to prison for twenty years? That's not sensible. Merely as a business proposition, to take the risk you do for ten thousand dollars is stupid isn't it? I can understand a man's risking twenty years of his life for some things--a man like Peary or Dewey, or Santos-Dumont. They took big risks for big prizes. But there's thousands of men in this country, not half as clever as you are, earning ten thousand a year--without any risk of going to jail. None of THEM is afraid to go out in public with his wife and children. THEY'RE not afraid to ask a policeman what time it is.
They don't have to wear black masks, nor ruin their beautiful complexions with burnt cork.
REDDY:
Ah, go on. Who'd give ME a job?
ALICE:
Whom did you ever ask for one?
REDDY:
(to HARRY)
Pass me some more of that pie like mother used to make.
HATCH:
Yes, there are clerks and shopkeepers working behind a counter twenty-four hours a day, but they don't make ten thousand a year, and no one ever hears of THEM. There's no FAME in their job.
ALICE:
Fame! Oh, how interesting. Are you--a celebrity?
HATCH:
I'm quite as well known as I care to be. Now, tomorrow, all the papers will be talking about this. There'll be columns about us three. No one will know we are the ones they're talking about--REDDY:
I hope not.
HATCH:
But the men in our profession will know. And they'll say, "That was a neat job of So-and-so's last night." That's fame. Why, we've got a reputation from one end of this country to the other.
HARRY:
That's right! There's some of us just as well known as--Mister--Santos--Dumont.
REDDY:
And we fly just as high, too.
ALICE:
(to HATCH)
I suppose YOU--I suppose you're quite a FAMOUS burglar?
REDDY:
Him? Why, he's as well known as Billy the Kid.
ALICE:
Billy the kid, really! He sounds SO attractive. But I'm afraid--Idon't think--that I ever heard of HIM.
REDDY:
Never heard of Billy the Kid? What do you think of that?
HATCH:
Well, then, I'm as well known as "Brace" Phillips, the Manhattan Bank robber.
REDDY:
SURE he is.
HATCH:
Don't tell me you never heard of him?
ALICE:
I'm afraid not.
HATCH:
Why, he's a head-liner. He's as well known as George Post. Coppy Farrell? Billy Porter?
ALICE:
No. There you are. Now, you claim there is fame in this profession, and you have named five men who are at the top of it, and I've never heard of one of them. And I read the papers, too.
REDDY:
Well, there's OTHER ladies who have heard of us. Real ladies.
When I was doing my last bit in jail, I got a thousand letters from ladies asking for me photograph, and offering to marry me.
ALICE:
Really? Well, that only proves that men--AS HUSBANDS--are more desirable in jail than out.
(To HATCH)
No, it's a poor life.
HATCH:
