"Oh, my Helena! I have no love to give her. My heart is yours.
"I dreamed last night that this unhappy wife of mine was dead.
The dream was so vivid that I actually got out of my bed and opened the door of her room and listened.
"Her calm, regular breathing was distinctly audible in the stillness of the night. She was in a deep sleep: I closed the door again and lighted my candle and read. Helena was in all my thoughts; it was hard work to fix my attention on the book. But anything was better than going to bed again, and dreaming perhaps for the second time that I too was free.
"What a life mine is! what a life my wife's is! If the house were to take fire, I wonder whether I should make an effort to save myself or to save her?"The last two passages read referred to later dates still.
"A gleam of brightness has shone over this dismal existence of mine at last.
"Helena is no longer condemned to the seclusion of widowhood.
Time enough has passed to permit of her mixing again in society.
She is paying visits to friends in our part of Scotland; and, as she and I are cousins, it is universally understood that she cannot leave the North without also spending a few days at my house. She writes me word that the visit, however embarrassing it may be to us privately, is nevertheless a visit that must be made for the sake of appearances. Blessings on appearances! I shall see this angel in my purgatory--and all because Society in Mid-Lothian would think it strange that my cousin should be visiting in my part of Scotland and not visit Me!
"But we are to be very careful. Helena says, in so many words, 'Icome to see you, Eustace, as a sister. You must receive me as a brother, or not receive me at all. I shall write to your wife to propose the day for my visit. I shall not forget--do you not forget--that it is by your wife's permission that I enter your house.'
"Only let me see her! I will submit to anything to obtain the unutterable happiness of seeing her!"The last extract followed, and consisted of these lines only:
"A new misfortune! My wife has fallen ill. She has taken to her bed with a bad rheumatic cold, just at the time appointed for Helena's visit to Gleninch. But on this occasion (I gladly own it!) she has behaved charmingly. She has written to Helena to say that her illness is not serious enough to render a change necessary in the arrangements, and to make it her particular request that my cousin's visit shall take place upon the day originally decided on.
"This is a great sacrifice made to me on my wife's part. Jealous of every woman under forty who comes near me, she is, of course, jealous of Helena--and she controls herself, and trusts me!
"I am bound to show my gratitude for this and I will show it.
From this day forth I vow to live more affectionately with my wife. I tenderly embraced her this very morning, and I hope, poor soul, she did not discover the effort that it cost me."There the readings from the Diary came to an end.
