登陆注册
15327700000117

第117章

By return of post, Stella has answered the lawyers, declaring that, so long as she lives, and has any influence over her son, he shall not touch the offered income.Mrs.Eyrecourt, Monsieur and Madame Villeray--and even Matilda--entreated her not to send the letter.To my thinking, Stella acted with becoming spirit.

Though there is no entail, still Vange Abbey is morally the boy's birthright--it is a cruel wrong to offer him anything else.

July 11.--For the second time I have proposed to leave St.

Germain.The presence of the third person, whenever I am in her company, is becoming unendurable to me.She still uses her influence to defer my departure."Nobody sympathizes with me,"she said, "but you."

I am failing to keep my promise to myself, not to write about myself.But there is some little excuse this time.For the relief of my own conscience, I may surely place it on record that I have tried to do what is right.It is not my fault if I remain at St.

Germain, insensible to Madame Villeray's warning.

Ninth Extract.

September 13.--Terrible news from Rome of the Jesuit Mission to Arizona.

The Indians have made a night attack on the new mission-house.

The building is burned to the ground, and the missionaries have been massacred--with the exception of two priests, carried away captive.The names of the priests are not known.News of the atrocity has been delayed four months on its way to Europe, owing partly to the civil war in the United States, and partly to disturbances in Central America.

Looking at the _Times_ (which we receive regularly at St.

Germain), I found this statement confirmed in a short paragraph--but here also the names of the two prisoners failed to appear.

Our one present hope of getting any further information seems to me to depend on our English newspaper.The _Times_ stands alone as the one public journal which has the whole English nation for volunteer contributors.In their troubles at home, they appeal to the Editor.In their travels abroad, over civilized and savage regions alike, if they meet with an adventure worth mentioning they tell it to the Editor.If any one of our countrymen knows anything of this dreadful massacre, I foresee with certainty where we shall find the information in print.

Soon after my arrival here, Stella had told me of her memorable conversation with Penrose in the garden at Ten Acres Lodge.I was well acquainted with the nature of her obligation to the young priest, but I was not prepared for the outbreak of grief which escaped her when she had read the telegram from Rome.She actually went the length of saying, "I shall never enjoy another happy moment till I know whether Penrose is one of the two living priests!"The inevitable third person with us, this morning, was Monsieur Villeray.Sitting at the window with a book in his hand--sometimes reading, sometimes looking at the garden with the eye of a fond horticulturist--he discovered a strange cat among his flower beds.Forgetful of every other consideration, the old gentleman hobbled out to drive away the intruder, and left us together.

I spoke to Stella, in words which I would now give everything Ipossess to recall.A detestable jealousy took possession of me.Imeanly hinted that Penrose could claim no great merit (in the matter of Romayne's conversion) for yielding to the entreaties of a beautiful woman who had fascinated him, though he might be afraid to own it.She protested against my unworthy insinuation--but she failed to make me ashamed of myself.Is a woman ever ignorant of the influence which her beauty exercises over a man? I went on, like the miserable creature that I was, from bad to worse.

"Excuse me," I said, "if I have unintentionally made you angry.Iought to have known that I was treading on delicate ground.Your interest in Penrose may be due to a warmer motive than a sense of obligation."She turned away from me--sa dly, not angrily--intending, as it appeared, to leave the room in silence.Arrived at the door, she altered her mind, and came back.

"Even if you insult me, Bernard, I am not able to resent it," she said, very gently._I_ once wronged _you_--I have no right to complain of your now wronging me.I will try to forget it."She held out her hand.She raised her eyes--and looked at me.

It was not her fault; I alone am to blame.In another moment she was in my arms.I held her to my breast--I felt the quick beating of her heart on me--I poured out the wild confession of my sorrow, my shame, my love--I tasted again and again and again the sweetness of her lips.She put her arms round my neck and drew her head back with a long sigh."Be merciful to my weakness," she whispered."We must meet no more."She pushed me back from her, with a trembling hand, and left the room.

I have broken my resolution not to write about myself--but there is no egotism, there is a sincere sense of humiliation in me, when I record this confession of misconduct.I can make but one atonement--I must at once leave St.Germain.Now, when it is too late, I feel how hard for me this life of constant repression has been.

Thus far I had written, when the nursemaid brought me a little note, addressed in pencil.No answer was required.

The few lines were in Stella's handwriting: "You must not leave us too suddenly, or you may excite my mother's suspicions.Wait until you receive letters from England, and make them the pretext for your departure.--S."I never thought of her mother.She is right.Even if she were wrong, I must obey her.

September 14.--The letters from England have arrived.One of them presents me with the necessary excuse for my departure, ready made.My proposal for the purchase of the yacht is accepted.The sailing-master and crew have refused all offers of engagement, and are waiting at Cowes for my orders.Here is an absolute necessity for my return to England.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 落难小公主I:真假宠溺无敌

    落难小公主I:真假宠溺无敌

    她,是落难的小公主,被表姐妹的欺负,被朋友的背叛;他,是众心捧月的王子,冷酷无情,没对任何人笑过,只因她。当他找到了“她”宠爱至极;“少爷不好了小姐在商场跟人打起来了”他对她宠溺无下限“什么!马上去把商场炸了把那该死的女人带回来。”就这样她被他带回家,任由“她”打骂当下人使唤。够了,她要逃走远离这里,她不可以再软弱下去。她要强大不许任何人再随意欺负自己,当她再次与他见面,她对他说“你是谁?”他抓住她手腕狠狠地“我会让你知道我是谁”他追她跑!他再追她还跑,他毫无耐性抓住她“跑啊你倒是继续跑”她淡定“你抓住我我怎么跑?”他靠近她在耳边轻声说着“这一次我绝对不会再放手决不知道吗”她“……随便你”
  • 嫡女来袭,王爷太腹黑

    嫡女来袭,王爷太腹黑

    秋叶钰涧是一位从孤儿到青楼花魁,摇身一变成为相府嫡出千金,嫁给藩王王爷历经三年成为摄政王妃,最后丈夫登基册立她为皇后的传奇女人!岂料转眼之间,从贵为一国之后沦为打入冷宫的废后,理由竟是:她将她那位绝色倾城的庶出妹妹腹中的胎儿给弄死了!
  • 我愿对你付今生

    我愿对你付今生

    我愿对你付今生,付这短暂的一生..........致EXO十二个少年们:我放下了尊严,放下了个性,放下了固执,都只是因为放不下你。脸上的快乐,别人看得到。心里的痛又有谁能感觉到。痛过之后就不会觉得痛了,有的只会是一颗冷漠的心。我想哭,可是我已经不知道该怎么流泪了。在原谅与绝望之间游荡,唯一的感觉是伤!伤!伤!思念一个人的滋味,就象是喝了一杯冰冷的水,然后一滴一滴凝成热泪。我赢了所有人,但却输掉了你。淋过雨的空气,疲倦了的伤心,我记忆里的童话已经慢慢的融化。人生若只如初见,当时只道是寻常失去的东西,其实从来未曾真正地属于你,也不必惋惜。
  • 豪门盛宠:首席第101次追妻

    豪门盛宠:首席第101次追妻

    她隐藏在他身边只想帮父亲偷到一份文件而已,不料却被当场抓包,稀里糊涂睡了号称第一权少的男人。事后,她没想悄悄溜走,磁性的嗓音在她耳边响起:“怎么,睡了我就想跑吗?”
  • 只想做你的猫

    只想做你的猫

    懵懂之所以真挚,是因为那份最初的心动和感动!他害怕老鼠,她就送她一只猫;他为她远走天涯,她就送给他一份守候;他为她做好嫁衣,她却再没有机会穿上!猫是她留给他的唯一,可是爱却没有结束,“好像做你的猫”让所有的爱变得那么的重,重得让他窒息......
  • 电竞大时代

    电竞大时代

    一个双重人格的少年在电竞大神叶新平的邀请下加入了荣耀战队,于是一段传奇的电竞生涯正式展开。当电竞选手地位可以与奥运选手相媲美的时候,当电竞选手赚钱和吸粉速度可以和娱乐明星相媲美的时候。这便是电竞最美好的时代!所以少年勇敢的向前冲吧!
  • 脑子里的虫鸣

    脑子里的虫鸣

    她是市重点中学的佼佼者,不知何故脑子里突然有了一种嗡嗡声,她害怕、惶恐却不能寻求帮助,因为她知道是精神出了问题。为了继续完成学业,她设计了一场阴谋,目的是为了混淆黑白,然而,事情发生的过程让人惊心······
  • 写故事的人和有故事的人

    写故事的人和有故事的人

    一个写故事的人,十年改写一个故事,每年都将最好故事参赛,年年如此,十年的成长让这个人很欣慰,这个人相信这一个故事总能改成令他自己满意的
  • 墙头马上

    墙头马上

    妾弄青梅凭短墙,君骑白马傍垂杨。墙头马上遥相顾,一见知君即断肠。那年垂杨柳下,郎君长身玉立,衣袂飘飘,李千金情根从此深种。那年月下花间,你侬我侬情意绵绵,怪只怪父母棒打鸳鸯。那年城外花园,恩爱夫妻盼白头,无奈秘密泄露,爱情几经考验。如今你虽功名在身,我亦不愿跟随,若是没有爱情,宁可孤独终老,绝不将就。
  • 小山词

    小山词

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。