登陆注册
5257900000109

第109章 英文(78)

The white light and the humming sound were the same as ever, but the cell was a little more comfortable than the others he had been in. There was a pillow and a mattress on the plank bed, and a stool to sit on. They had given him a bath, and they allowed him to wash himself fairly frequently in a tin basin. They even gave him warm water to wash with. They had given him new underclothes and a clean suit of overalls. They had dressed his varicose ulcer with soothing ointment. They had pulled out the remnants of his teeth and given him a new set of dentures.

Weeks or months must have passed. It would have been possible now to keep count of the passage of time, if he had felt any interest in doing so, since he was being fed at what appeared to be regular intervals. He was getting, he judged, three meals in the twenty-four hours; sometimes he wondered dimly whether he was getting them by night or by day. The food was surprisingly good, with meat at every third meal. Once there was even a packet of cigarettes. He had no matches, but the never-speaking guard who brought his food would give him a light. The first time he tried to smoke it made him sick, but he persevered, and spun the packet out for a long time, smoking half a cigarette after each meal.

They had given him a white slate with a stump of pencil tied to the corner. At first he made no use of it. Even when he was awake he was completely torpid. Often he would lie from one meal to the next almost without stirring, sometimes asleep, sometimes waking into vague reveries in which it was too much trouble to open his eyes. He had long grown used to sleeping with a strong light on his face. It seemed to make no difference, except that one’s dreams were more coherent. He dreamed a great deal all through this time, and they were always happy dreams. He was in the Golden Country, or he was sitting among enormous glorious, sunlit ruins, with his mother, with Julia, with O’Brien — not doing anything, merely sitting in the sun, talking of peaceful things. Such thoughts as he had when he was awake were mostly about his dreams. He seemed to have lost the power of intellectual effort, now that the stimulus of pain had been removed. He was not bored, he had no desire for conversation or distraction. Merely to be alone, not to be beaten or questioned, to have enough to eat, and to be clean all over, was completely satisfying.

By degrees he came to spend less time in sleep, but he still felt no impulse to get off the bed. All he cared for was to lie quiet and feel the strength gathering in his body. He would finger himself here and there, trying to make sure that it was not an illusion that his muscles were growing rounder and his skin tauter. Finally it was established beyond a doubt that he was growing fatter; his thighs were now definitely thicker than his knees. After that, reluctantly at first, he began exercising himself regularly. In a little while he could walk three kilometres, measured by pacing the cell, and his bowed shoulders were growing straighter. He attempted more elaborate exercises, and was astonished and humiliated to find what things he could not do. He could not move out of a walk, he could not hold his stool out at arm’s length, he could not stand on one leg without falling over. He squatted down on his heels, and found that with agonizing pains in thigh and calf he could just lift himself to a standing position. He lay flat on his belly and tried to lift his weight by his hands. It was hopeless, he could not raise himself a centimetre. But after a few more days — a few more mealtimes — even that feat was accomplished. A time came when he could do it six times running. He began to grow actually proud of his body, and to cherish an intermittent belief that his face also was growing back to normal. Only when he chanced to put his hand on his bald scalp did he remember the seamed, ruined face that had looked back at him out of the mirror.

His mind grew more active. He sat down on the plank bed, his back against the wall and the slate on his knees, and set to work deliberately at the task of re-educating himself. He had capitulated, that was agreed. In reality, as he saw now, he had been ready to capitulate long before he had taken the decision. From the moment when he was inside the Ministry of Love — and yes, even during those minutes when he and Julia had stood helpless while the iron voice from the telescreen told them what to do — he had grasped the frivolity, the shallowness of his attempt to set himself up against the power of the Party. He knew now that for seven years the Thought police had watched him like a beetle under a magnifying glass. There was no physical act, no word spoken aloud, that they had not noticed, no train of thought that they had not been able to infer. Even the speck of whitish dust on the cover of his diary they had carefully replaced. They had played sound-tracks to him, shown him photographs. Some of them were photographs of Julia and himself. Yes, even ... He could not fight against the Party any longer. Besides, the Party was in the right. It must be so; how could the immortal, collective brain be mistaken? By what external standard could you check its judgements? Sanity was statistical. It was merely a question of learning to think as they thought. Only!

The pencil felt thick and awkward in his fingers. He began to write down the thoughts that came into his head. He wrote first in large clumsy capitals:

Then almost without a pause he wrote beneath it:

But then there came a sort of check. His mind, as though shying away from something, seemed unable to concentrate. He knew that he knew what came next, but for the moment he could not recall it. When he did recall it, it was only by consciously reasoning out what it must be: it did not come of its own accord. He wrote:

同类推荐
  • 幻中游

    幻中游

    《幻中游》叙黄州府罗田县石峨,刚正不阿,任陕西西安府长安县知县,后升任广西柳州府知府,拒不为魏忠贤放银收息,弃官归里的故事。
  • 我的皇后(下)

    我的皇后(下)

    在江湖中靠赏金为生的凌被卷入金陵世家钟家的血案中,从中解了一个在江湖中新崛起的帮派凤来阁,并和钟家大小姐钟无杀以及凤来阁的首脑之一慕颜一起,揭发了这起血案的真相。就在此时,凌见到了凤来阁的阁主白迟帆,惊喜发现白原来就是并没有丧生的萧……
  • 诺贝尔文学奖得主小小说精选(精品文学书系)

    诺贝尔文学奖得主小小说精选(精品文学书系)

    李超主编的《诺贝尔文学奖得主小小说精选》为“精品文学书系”之一。《诺贝尔文学奖得主小小说精选》收录了比昂松、显克维奇、吉卜林、泰戈尔、高尔斯华绥、蒲宁、延森、纪德、福克纳、拉格奎斯特、海明威、史坦贝克、川端康成、贝克特、索尔仁尼琴、伯尔、怀特、辛格、马尔克斯、塞拉、奈保尔等名家的小小说精品。
  • 秋天记忆

    秋天记忆

    军旅作家王培静荣的小说集《秋天记忆》。每次用心聆听秋天的记忆,都震撼自己的心灵,让我在秋的情怀中,感悟那幸福的欢笑和眼泪。告别青涩的高中年代,来到梦寐以求的大学,而初到大学的岁月,亦如一部灰色的电影,在光影交错间搁浅了整片秋天的记忆。
  • 微型小说一千零一夜(第七卷)

    微型小说一千零一夜(第七卷)

    本书中的每一篇小说都是一个贴近生活的精彩故事,反映着当代生活的广阔图景。它们不仅能教会你如何理解生活,更能教会你如何热爱生活。开阔读者的视野、启迪读者的心智、使读者得到精神享受,是编者编选此书的最大愿望。
热门推荐
  • 嫣慕卿

    嫣慕卿

    讲述了现代女子洛小雨因沉迷小说世界,从而陷入自己创作的古代言情小说《嫣慕卿》主人公洛语嫣的角色不可自拔,以此展开了洛语嫣在架空时代,陈梁王朝,因躲避宫中三年一度的选秀一事,被迫嫁给陈梁最得势,最帅气的丞相秦牧卿,并与秦牧卿发生恋爱,在此期间,因女扮男装结识了世子陈浮生和艺妓商蔷薇、燕国后裔单顾、单修等,与之发生的一系列围绕爱情与友情主题的事情,并卷入宫廷内斗中的故事,是一部包含了古代、现代、正剧与轻喜剧于一身的言情小说。
  • 因為愛所以愛

    因為愛所以愛

    把青春當成戀愛的資本,校園是美好的,珍惜自己所有的吧,等你醒悟錯過了太多失去了太多的時候,他將不能時光倒流。。。。。。
  • 性格:性格决定你一生的命运

    性格:性格决定你一生的命运

    智慧,犹如一盏明灯,照亮曾经渺茫的前程;智慧,犹如一把钥匙,开启曾经封闭的心灵;智慧,犹如一缕阳光,播撒曾经昏暗的人生。当造物主拥有了智慧,才创造了美妙神奇的世界,当人类拥有了智慧,才有开启现代文明进程的可能,当你拥有了智慧,才会在人生之路上不断取得成功1 700多年前的薄伽丘就曾经说过“人的智慧就是快乐的源泉”,拥有了智慧,你会体会到一段与众不同的快乐人生历程当你疲惫时,请想想智者的教诲,当你迷茫时,请听听智者的心声。相信你的成长之路上一定有风雨也有彩虹,但是有了智慧的陪伴,你终会感受到雨过天晴。
  • 最后牵起的手是现实

    最后牵起的手是现实

    擀面杖?拿着这个凶器出来很了不起吗?擀面杖怎么了?不要以为你们几个很高大我就打不过你们,本小姐就凭一根擀面杖也打得你们满地找牙。
  • 错乱江湖系列1

    错乱江湖系列1

    耶律长胜从21世纪穿越到古代武侠世界。郭靖、韦小宝、杨过、周芷若、黄蓉……一个个耳熟能详的经典人物也活跃在故事当中。
  • 亿万妻约:总裁,请签字

    亿万妻约:总裁,请签字

    新婚之夜,丈夫却不属于苏瓷。无奈买醉,却上了陌生男人的车……一夜缠绵,苏瓷只留下了男人的一粒纽扣。隔天醒来,却发现这个男人是丈夫名义上的姐夫!薄西玦步步紧逼,霸道地将苏瓷禁锢在自己身边,“不准逃!”苏瓷:“放过我!”薄西玦却在她耳畔吐气如火:“你应该说的是——我还要!”
  • 对的时间遇到你

    对的时间遇到你

    她,许沫,在花一般的年纪里遭遇了同龄孩子没有经历过的事情,表面阳光,内心脆弱,连她最好的朋友都不知道她内心究竟有多么柔软。他,杨昊,对这个爱笑的女孩一见钟情,比许沫整整大了12岁的他,能否守护住她柔软的心,两人最后又能否走到一起呢?注:本文虐恋情节偏少,多是轻松愉悦~
  • 蛮楚春秋

    蛮楚春秋

    南蛮荆楚,王霸天下。他被人耻笑为“米桶”,却梦想着解开和氏璧之谜。为了探访和氏璧,竟意外穿越回了发现和氏璧的前期。于是,寻找和氏璧的下落,便成了他唯一的目标。为了能一睹“和氏璧”,他不得不铲除异己,不得不弑侄篡位,不得不剿灭邻国,不得不大出天下……他成了人人敬畏的楚武王,他开辟了楚国称王的先河,他敢与周王室分庭抗礼,他敢与天下所有诸侯为敌!“世人皆说我为蛮楚,那我就野蛮到底……”只是最后他才发现,原来这一切早已是命中注定!最可恨的还是那卞和,竟敢三番五次的拿石头来骗咱,是不是觉得咱是来自后世的“文明人”好欺负?告诉你,逼咱野蛮起来,那可不是你能Hold得住的……
  • 只为你的嫣然一笑

    只为你的嫣然一笑

    她,本是京城最有名叶府叶无寒的嫡出女儿,但由于从小是病秧子,就被人嫌弃,没有人的关心,亲生母亲也惨遭人的陷害,她发誓一定要血债血偿,于是复仇从此开始。。。。
  • 邪妃傻王:倾世之恋

    邪妃傻王:倾世之恋

    初次见面,他是一只什么都不懂的“小白”。再见,便是一纸婚书束缚住了两人。出于心疼他,想要照顾他,并未拒绝,却未想,这只是假象,她宠他,护他最后得到的确是——他不傻!一步错,步步错,终究她没又逃过他的温柔的陷阱,堕落了。片场来一个~某女很是猖狂的给他来了句,“云熙尘,你以后就是我妖玥的人了,再要是顶着这张妖孽脸出去招蜂惹蝶的话,小心我划花你的脸。”云熙尘不置可否,很是自恋的摸了摸自己的脸,然后很无辜的来了句“这张皮相真的很好吗?为什么却迷不倒娘子你呢?”