SPAR.You're Diana.I'm Apollo And Calliope is she.
DAPH.He's your brother.
NICE.You're another.He has fairly married me.
DAPH.By the rules of this fair spot I'm his wife and you are not.
SPAR & DAPH.By the rules of this fair spot I'm/she's his wife and you are not.
NICE.By this golden wedding ring, I'm his wife, and you're a "thing."DAPH, NICE, SPAR.By this golden wedding ring, I'm/She's his wife and you're a "thing."ALL.Please will someone kindly tell us.
Who are our respective kin?
All of us/them are very jealous Neither of us/them will give in.
NICE.He's my husband, I declare, I espoused him properlee.
SPAR.That is true, for I was there, And I saw her marry me.
DAPH.He's your brother--I'm his wife.
If we go by Lempriere.
SPAR.So she is, upon my life.
Really, that seems very fair.
NICE.You're my husband and no other.
SPAR.That is true enough I swear.
DAPH.I'm his wife, and you're his brother.
SPAR.If we go by Lempriere.
NICE.It will surely be unfair, To decide by Lempriere.[crying]
DAPH.It will surely be quite fair, To decide by Lempriere.
SPAR & THES How you settle it I don't care, Leave it all to Lempriere.
[Spoken] The Verdict As Sparkeion is Apollo, Up in this Olympian clime, Why, Nicemis, it will follow, He's her husband, for the time.[indicating Daphne]
When Sparkeion turns to mortal Join once more the sons of men.
He may take you to his portal [indicating Nicemis]
He will be your husband then.
That oh that is my decision, 'Cording to my mental vision, Put an end to all collision, My decision, my decision.
ALL.That oh that is his decision.etc.
[Exeunt Thes, Nice., Spar and Daphne, Spar.with Daphne, Nicemis weeping with Thespis.mysterious music.Enter Jupiter, Apollo and Mars from below, at the back of stage.All wear cloaks, as disguise and all are masked]
JUP., AP., MARS.Oh rage and fury, Oh shame and sorrow.
We'll be resuming our ranks tomorrow.
Since from Olympus we have departed, We've been distracted and brokenhearted, Oh wicked Thespis.Oh villain scurvy.
Through him Olympus is topsy turvy.
Compelled to silence to grin and bear it.
He's caused our sorrow, and he shall share it.
Where is the monster.Avenge his blunders.
He has awakened Olympian thunders.
[Enter Mercury]
JUP.Oh monster.
AP.Oh monster.
MARS.Oh monster.
MER.[in great terror] Please sir, what have I done, sir?
JUP.What did we leave you behind for?
MER.Please sir, that's the question I asked for when you went away.
JUP.Was it not that Thespis might consult you whenever he was in a difficulty?
MER.Well, here I've been ready to be consulted, chockful of reliable information--running over with celestial maxims--advice gratis ten to four--after twelve ring the night bell in cases of emergency.
JUP.And hasn't he consulted you?
MER.Not he--he disagrees with me about everything.
JUP.He must have misunderstood me.I told him to consult you whenever he was in a fix.
MER.He must have though you said in-sult.Why whenever I opened my mouth he jumps down my throat.It isn't pleasant to have a fellow constantly jumping down your throat--especially when he always disagrees with you.It's just the sort of thing I can't digest.
JUP.[in a rage] Send him here.I'll talk to him.
[enter Thespis.He is much terrified]
JUP.Oh monster.
AP.Oh monster.
MARS.Oh monster.
[Thespis sings in great terror, which he endeavours to conceal]
JUP.Well sir, the year is up today.
AP.And a nice mess you've made of it.
MARS.You've deranged the whole scheme of society.
THES.[aside] There's going to be a row.[aloud and very familiarly]My dear boy, I do assure you--JUP.Be respectful.
AP.Be respectful.
MARS.Be respectful.
THES.I don't know what you allude to.With the exception of getting our scene painter to "run up" this temple, because we found the ruins draughty, we haven't touched a thing.
JUP.Oh story teller.
AP.Oh story teller.
MARS.Oh story teller.
[Enter thespians]
THES.My dear fellows, you're distressing yourselves unnecessarily.The court of Olympus is about to assemble to listen to the complaints of the year, if any.But there are none, or next to none.Let the Olympians assemble.[Thespis takes chair.JUP., AP., and MARS sit below him.
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that it is usual for the gods to assemble once a year to listen to mortal petitions.It doesn't seem to me to be a good plan, as work is liable to accumulate;but as I am particularly anxious not to interfere with Olympian precedent, but to allow everything to go on as it has always been accustomed to go--why, we'll say no more about it.[aside] But how shall I account for your presence?
JUP.Say we are the gentlemen of the press.
THES.That all our proceedings may be perfectly open and above-board I have communicated with the most influential members of the Athenian press, and I beg to introduce to your notice three of its most distinguished members.They bear marks emblematic of the anonymous character of modern journalism.[Business of introduction.Thespis is very uneasy] Now then, if you're all ready we will begin.
MER.[brings tremendous bundle of petitions] Here is the agenda.
THES.What's that? The petitions?
MER.Some of them.[opens one and reads] Ah, I thought there'd be a row about it.
THES.Why, what's wrong now?
MER.Why, it's been a foggy Friday in November for the last six months and the Athenians are tired of it.
THES.There's no pleasing some people.This craving for perpetual change is the curse of the country.Friday's a very nice day.
MER.So it is, but a Friday six months long.--it gets monotonous.
JUP, AP, MARS.[rising] It's perfectly ridiculous.
THES.[calling them] Cymon.
CYM.[as time with the usual attributes] Sir.
THES.[Introducing him to the three gods] Allow me--Father Time--rather young at present but even time must have a beginning.In course of time, time will grow older.Now then, Father Time, what's this about a wet Friday in November for the last six months.
