(She takes him by the arm.)
YOUNG MAN (to the YOUNG GIRL)
Oh! I beg you, don't let me be led off by her!
SECOND OLD WOMAN
It's not I but the law that leads you off.
YOUNG MAN
No, it's not the law, but an Empusa with a body covered with blemishes and blotches.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Follow me, my handsome little friend, come along quickly without any more ado.
YOUNG MAN
Oh! let me go to the can first, so that I may gather my wits somewhat. Else I should be so terrified that you would see me letting out something yellow.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Never mind! you can crap, if you want, in my house.
YOUNG MAN
More than I want to, I'm afraid; but I offer you two good securities.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
I don't require them.
(A THIRD OLD WOMAN, the ugliest yet, now appears.)THIRD OLD WOMAN
Hi! friend, where are you off to with that woman?
YOUNG MAN
I am not going with her, but am being dragged by force. Oh!
whoever you are, may heaven bless you for having had pity on me in my dire misfortune. (Turns round and sees the THIRD OLD WOMAN.) Oh Heracles! oh Pan! oh Corybantes! oh Dioscuri! Why, she is still more awful! Oh! what a monster! great gods! Are you an ape plastered with white lead, or the ghost of some old hag returned from the dark borderlands of death?
THIRD OLD WOMAN (taking his other arm)
No jesting! Follow me.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
No, come this way.
THIRD OLD WOMAN
I will never let you go.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Nor will I.
YOUNG MAN
But you will rend me asunder, you cursed wretches.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
I'm the one he must go with according to the law.
THIRD OLD WOMAN
Not if an uglier old woman than yourself appears.
YOUNG MAN
But if you kill me at the outset, how shall I afterwards go to find this beautiful girl of mine?
THIRD OLD WOMAN
That's your problem. But begin by obeying.
YOUNG MAN
Of which one must I rid myself first?
THIRD OLD WOMAN
Don't you know? Come here.
YOUNG MAN
Then let the other one release me.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Come to my house.
YOUNG MAN
If this dame will let me go.
THIRD OLD WOMAN
No, by all the gods, I'll not let you go.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Nor will I.
YOUNG MAN
You would make very bad boatwomen.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
Why?
YOUNG MAN
Because you would tear your passengers to pieces in dragging them on board.
THIRD OLD WOMAN
Then come along, do, and hold your tongue.
SECOND OLD WOMAN
No, by Zeus, come with me.
YOUNG MAN
It's clearly a case for the decree of Cannonus; I must cut myself in two in order to lay you both. But how am I to work two oars at once?
THIRD OLD WOMAN
Easily enough; you have only to eat a full pot of onions.
YOUNG MAN
Oh! great gods! here I am close to the door and being dragged in!
SECOND OLD WOMAN (to THIRD OLD WOMAN)
You will gain nothing by this, for I shall rush into your house with you.
YOUNG MAN
Oh, no! no! to suffer a single misfortune than two.
THIRD OLD WOMAN
Ah! by Hecate, whether you wish it or not.
YOUNG MAN
What a fate is mine, that I must make love to such a stinking harridan the whole night through and all day; then, when I am rid of her, I have still to tackle a brick-coloured hag! Am I not truly unfortunate? Ah! by Zeus the Deliverer; under what fatal star must Ihave been born, that I must sail in company with such monsters! But if my bark sinks in the sewer of these strumpets, may I be buried at the very threshold of the door; let this hag be stood upright on my grave, let her be coated alive with pitch and her legs covered with molten lead up to the ankles, and let her be set alight as a funeral lamp.
