登陆注册
15490900000018

第18章 THE TRUTH ABOUT PYECRAFT(3)

I shut the door, and went and stood away from him and stared.

"If anything gives way and you tumble down," I said, "you'll break your neck, Pyecraft."

"I wish I could," he wheezed.

"A man of your age and weight getting up to kiddish gymnastics--"

"Don't," he said, and looked agonised.

"I'll tell you," he said, and gesticulated.

"How the deuce," said I, "are you holding on up there?"

And then abruptly I realised that he was not holding on at all, that he was floating up there--just as a gas-filled bladder might have floated in the same position. He began a struggle to thrust himself away from the ceiling and to clamber down the wall to me.

"It's that prescription," he panted, as he did so. "Your great-gran--"

He took hold of a framed engraving rather carelessly as he spoke and it gave way, and he flew back to the ceiling again, while the picture smashed onto the sofa. Bump he went against the ceiling, and I knew then why he was all over white on the more salient curves and angles of his person. He tried again more carefully, coming down by way of the mantel.

It was really a most extraordinary spectacle, that great, fat, apoplectic-looking man upside down and trying to get from the ceiling to the floor. "That prescription," he said. "Too successful."

"How?"

"Loss of weight--almost complete."

And then, of course, I understood.

"By Jove, Pyecraft," said I, "what you wanted was a cure for fatness!

But you always called it weight. You would call it weight."

Somehow I was extremely delighted. I quite liked Pyecraft for the time.

"Let me help you!" I said, and took his hand and pulled him down.

He kicked about, trying to get a foothold somewhere. It was very like holding a flag on a windy day.

"That table," he said, pointing, "is solid mahogany and very heavy.

If you can put me under that---"

I did, and there he wallowed about like a captive balloon, while I stood on his hearthrug and talked to him.

I lit a cigar. "Tell me," I said, "what happened?"

"I took it," he said.

"How did it taste?"

"Oh, BEASTLY!"

I should fancy they all did. Whether one regards the ingredients or the probable compound or the possible results, almost all of my great-grandmother's remedies appear to me at least to be extraordinarily uninviting. For my own part--"I took a little sip first."

"Yes?"

"And as I felt lighter and better after an hour, I decided to take the draught."

"My dear Pyecraft!"

"I held my nose," he explained. "And then I kept on getting lighter and lighter--and helpless, you know."

He gave way to a sudden burst of passion. "What the goodness am I to DO?" he said.

"There's one thing pretty evident," I said, "that you mustn't do.

If you go out of doors, you'll go up and up." I waved an arm upward.

"They'd have to send Santos-Dumont after you to bring you down again."

"I suppose it will wear off?"

I shook my head. "I don't think you can count on that," I said.

And then there was another burst of passion, and he kicked out at adjacent chairs and banged the floor. He behaved just as I should have expected a great, fat, self-indulgent man to behave under trying circumstances--that is to say, very badly. He spoke of me and my great-grandmother with an utter want of discretion.

"I never asked you to take the stuff," I said.

And generously disregarding the insults he was putting upon me, I sat down in his armchair and began to talk to him in a sober, friendly fashion.

I pointed out to him that this was a trouble he had brought upon himself, and that it had almost an air of poetical justice. He had eaten too much. This he disputed, and for a time we argued the point.

He became noisy and violent, so I desisted from this aspect of his lesson. "And then," said I, "you committed the sin of euphuism.

You called it not Fat, which is just and inglorious, but Weight. You--"

He interrupted to say he recognised all that. What was he to DO?

同类推荐
  • 心相篇

    心相篇

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • Essays in Little

    Essays in Little

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 东亭闲望

    东亭闲望

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 中医蒙求

    中医蒙求

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • The Age Of Reason

    The Age Of Reason

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 恶魔校花:霸道女主缠上我

    恶魔校花:霸道女主缠上我

    校草同桌半身旁,她不但不好好对待,反而,还变本加厉。虽然,校草经常被他欺负,但校草还是义无反顾地保护她。
  • 彼岸泪妆劫

    彼岸泪妆劫

    21世纪的盗墓者,跟随组织进入荒漠地带追寻消失已久的古世纪墓葬之地,可当踏上这一征途时,她便被人下毒药致死,毒死她的竟是她最爱的人。凤凰涅槃,浴火重生!转世为王,这一世,她将把上一世的仇恨狠狠的辗转为毒,置于死地。她终将信得过谁······她终将孤独终老么······
  • 圣剑名为灾祸

    圣剑名为灾祸

    新人新作,感谢大家点击收藏!本作前部分以冒险解迷为主干,简单介绍故事的背景概况,后期会逐渐进入战争部分,以情感线贯穿始末,幽默感伤此起彼伏。所谓力量就是任人操作的道具,在不同人手里会有不同作用,圣剑就是这样一个存在,因此圣剑会成为战争这个大旋涡的中心,成为灾祸的起点。本作人物过去都会比较灰暗,但是各自不同处世态度又会带给他们什么样的变化呢?一切的一切尽在《圣剑名为灾祸》!!!欢迎大家多给意见,勇于评论。您的批评就是对作品中人物的关爱,您的指点就是对本书的最大的支持!最近要对之前的章节进行部分修改,因此更新速度会有所下降,但是十八章之后更精彩,尽请期待!本小说暂时停更!
  • 神武混沌

    神武混沌

    “十年生死两茫茫,不思量,自难忘;相顾无言,唯有泪千行……”他是个废材,但他不服,这个世界没有废材,只有甘心做废材的人,他将重新书写历史,他将在这个以武为尊的大陆称霸天下,成为混沌之王!
  • Glaucus

    Glaucus

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 薰衣草之爱的约定

    薰衣草之爱的约定

    只是我第一次写,希望大家喜欢!!!本书是关于裴宇轩和冷月曦的故事。故事很搞笑,希望大家喜欢。。。
  • 应孕而生

    应孕而生

    唐末晚在母亲威逼利诱下,嫁给了本市最有名的花花公子傅子慕。新婚夜,老公和后婆婆在婚床上缠绵悱恻。她没有打断,而是选择继续做个有名无实的傅家少奶奶。一个月后,唐末晚意外怀孕,傅子慕第一个站出来质问:“唐末晚,我从没碰过你,这个孩子到底是哪来的?”“是我的。”从没想过,会有这样一个人,踏着七彩祥云,逆了漫天光辉,从天而降,她与水火之中,对她说,“你肚子里的孩子,我会负责。我娶你。”可是他要负责的只是她肚子里的孩子不是吗?然而看着傅子慕和唐宛如眼中的错愕,唐末晚笑意温柔,她反握住他的手,与他比肩而立:“好,傅总,我嫁。”摇身一变,她成了傅家名正言顺的少夫人
  • 彩虹回忆群刊彩虹岛服

    彩虹回忆群刊彩虹岛服

    彩虹回忆,欢迎您的加入;本座为本人制作的群刊,仅供交流学习用
  • 天价娇妻:豪门总裁契约

    天价娇妻:豪门总裁契约

    一通电话,让她成功掉进圈套,家族的阴谋一下子将她打入婚姻的坟墓!婚后生活百态,小三小四不时来挑衅,她全身心应付!当婆婆领着大肚子的妹妹来到她面前时,当亲情和爱情共同背叛她时,她第一次痛哭出声!“姐姐,我和孝正交往了三年,而你和他才不过结婚一年,小三不是我,而是你才对!”妹妹捂着肚子,趾高气扬的炫耀:“而且姐姐,一年了你的肚子还没有动静,难道你是得了什么不孕症吗?”的确是不能孕,不过不是不孕症,而是——
  • 常言道

    常言道

    《常言道》,又名《富翁醒世传》叙述得是贪婪悭吝的财主钱士命为了敛财而不择手段,最终财尽人亡的故事。其意在规劝世人行善积德,“把贫富两字看得淡些,宁为君子,勿作小人”。