登陆注册
15463700000002

第2章 FIRST ACT(2)

JACK. Do you mean to say you have had my cigarette case all this time? I wish to goodness you had let me know. I have been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was very nearly offering a large reward.

ALGERNON. Well, I wish you would offer one. I happen to be more than usually hard up.

JACK. There is no good offering a large reward now that the thing is found.

[Enter LANE with the cigarette case on a salver. ALGERNON takes it at once. LANE goes out.]

ALGERNON. I think that is rather mean of you, Ernest, I must say.

[Opens case and examines it.] However, it makes no matter, for, now that I look at the inscription inside, I find that the thing isn't yours after all.

JACK. Of course it's mine. [Moving to him.] You have seen me with it a hundred times, and you have no right whatsoever to read what is written inside. It is a very ungentlemanly thing to read a private cigarette case.

ALGERNON. Oh! it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read.

JACK. I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't propose to discuss modern culture. It isn't the sort of thing one should talk of in private. I simply want my cigarette case back.

ALGERNON. Yes; but this isn't your cigarette case. This cigarette case is a present from some one of the name of Cecily, and you said you didn't know any one of that name.

JACK. Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be my aunt.

ALGERNON. Your aunt!

JACK. Yes. Charming old lady she is, too. Lives at Tunbridge Wells. Just give it back to me, Algy.

ALGERNON. [Retreating to back of sofa.] But why does she call herself little Cecily if she is your aunt and lives at Tunbridge Wells? [Reading.] 'From little Cecily with her fondest love.'

JACK. [Moving to sofa and kneeling upon it.] My dear fellow, what on earth is there in that? Some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall. That is a matter that surely an aunt may be allowed to decide for herself. You seem to think that every aunt should be exactly like your aunt! That is absurd! For Heaven's sake give me back my cigarette case. [Follows ALGERNON round the room.]

ALGERNON. Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? 'From little Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.'

There is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt, but why an aunt, no matter what her size may be, should call her own nephew her uncle, I can't quite make out. Besides, your name isn't Jack at all; it is Ernest.

JACK. It isn't Ernest; it's Jack.

ALGERNON. You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that your name isn't Ernest. It's on your cards. Here is one of them. [Taking it from case.] 'Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany.' I'll keep this as a proof that your name is Ernest if ever you attempt to deny it to me, or to Gwendolen, or to any one else. [Puts the card in his pocket.]

JACK. Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was given to me in the country.

ALGERNON. Yes, but that does not account for the fact that your small Aunt Cecily, who lives at Tunbridge Wells, calls you her dear uncle. Come, old boy, you had much better have the thing out at once.

JACK. My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression, ALGERNON. Well, that is exactly what dentists always do. Now, go on! Tell me the whole thing. I may mention that I have always suspected you of being a confirmed and secret Bunburyist; and I am quite sure of it now.

JACK. Bunburyist? What on earth do you mean by a Bunburyist?

ALGERNON. I'll reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression as soon as you are kind enough to inform me why you are Ernest in town and Jack in the country.

JACK. Well, produce my cigarette case first.

ALGERNON. Here it is. [Hands cigarette case.] Now produce your explanation, and pray make it improbable. [Sits on sofa.]

JACK. My dear fellow, there is nothing improbable about my explanation at all. In fact it's perfectly ordinary. Old Mr.

Thomas Cardew, who adopted me when I was a little boy, made me in his will guardian to his grand-daughter, Miss Cecily Cardew.

Cecily, who addresses me as her uncle from motives of respect that you could not possibly appreciate, lives at my place in the country under the charge of her admirable governess, Miss Prism.

ALGERNON. Where in that place in the country, by the way?

JACK. That is nothing to you, dear boy. You are not going to be invited . . . I may tell you candidly that the place is not in Shropshire.

ALGERNON. I suspected that, my dear fellow! I have Bunburyed all over Shropshire on two separate occasions. Now, go on. Why are you Ernest in town and Jack in the country?

JACK. My dear Algy, I don't know whether you will be able to understand my real motives. You are hardly serious enough. When one is placed in the position of guardian, one has to adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects. It's one's duty to do so. And as a high moral tone can hardly be said to conduce very much to either one's health or one's happiness, in order to get up to town I have always pretended to have a younger brother of the name of Ernest, who lives in the Albany, and gets into the most dreadful scrapes.

That, my dear Algy, is the whole truth pure and simple.

ALGERNON. The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!

JACK. That wouldn't be at all a bad thing.

ALGERNON. Literary criticism is not your forte, my dear fellow.

Don't try it. You should leave that to people who haven't been at a University. They do it so well in the daily papers. What you really are is a Bunburyist. I was quite right in saying you were a Bunburyist. You are one of the most advanced Bunburyists I know.

同类推荐
  • 君道

    君道

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 太上老君内观经

    太上老君内观经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 玉烛宝典

    玉烛宝典

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 剧说

    剧说

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 佛说目连问戒律中五百轻重事经

    佛说目连问戒律中五百轻重事经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 墨笑不痴

    墨笑不痴

    来看看一个叫文小墨的男生的荒诞大学经历,在暗无天日的生活中怎样寻找到乐趣,友情以及真爱。*是什么让他走到了现在这个大学?*是什么让他在这个大学中感到恐惧?*是什么让他最终爱上这里的生活?*又是什么让他魂牵梦绕,欲罢不能?最终黯然神伤,悄然落泪?*莫笑不痴情,你我本众生。来看一个普通男生文小墨的大学经历。剑盟作《墨笑不痴》欢迎关注,持续更新,日收藏五十,加倍更新。附注:剑盟在写作中得到了几个朋友真诚的批评与指点,再次对提出宝贵意见的朋友表示感谢,也欢迎更多朋友提出宝贵意见,定当虚心接受。
  • 凡之圣

    凡之圣

    固基培元求道——可修仙,噬灵吞魂积怨——可成魔。古往今来,为证大道,旁门有八百,左道有三千,招术有百万,借何法方以登天路,从未有定论。确唯知一法不可,此法不加寿,不炼神,不依宝——修此法者世人皆轻之鄙之,称之:逆修。
  • 蛮武之神

    蛮武之神

    当岁月老去,长生是梦,哀鸿遍野当时光不再,苍茫大地,繁华已去,苍穹遥不可及悲痛的万千大道软绵无力,沉寂的丹田似乎再也无法迎来朝气刺痛道心任你千年古井无波蛮武传遍大地每一个角落破、破、破破开那乌云笼罩的千山万宗破去那尘埃遮住的日月星辰蛮、蛮、蛮以蛮入武,以蛮入道,以蛮成神
  • 妖精喜儿

    妖精喜儿

    它是一只狐狸精,修炼了一千年,有了名字——叫喜儿。窅娘因为它而意外飞仙,当了一名神仙;聂隽远因为它而推翻了“世上没有妖精”的坚定信念;它颠覆了江湖说书人口中“狐狸精”的传统形象;它丢尽了妖精界的脸,山鴂因此而拒绝当一名山精;马儿因为它头一次享受到了动物的尊严;一班江湖高手,因为它而死于无形之中;还有一大堆的人因为它——而想找棵树去撞死。它也没做错什么啊?只不过变成了人类的模样,丢了狐狸皮,跟一个男人回家,然后——与他成了亲而已。它有做错什么吗?不过是想要回它的狐狸皮,却不知怎地遗失了最珍贵的——狐狸心。
  • 尚同道心

    尚同道心

    想在这飞速变迁的社会中挽留点什么,处女作,望关照
  • tfboys之悠悠初恋

    tfboys之悠悠初恋

    一只鱼蠢的女主有意无意得踏入了三个少年的生活。这是篇甜文哦甜甜甜。傻白甜你爱不爱,可爱的作者你爱不爱(真是不要脸),鱼蠢的女主你爱不爱,狂拽酷炫吊炸天风的大哥你爱不爱,暖男温暖总裁风的烊烊你爱不爱你,可爱甜心邻家男孩风的源哥你爱不爱,虽然他们在文里面都是逗比猴子==,进来坐看鱼蠢的女主怎样发花痴吧。。。
  • 造化玉碟

    造化玉碟

    修真者顾望千被一道劫雷劈飞到地球,却意外重生为纨绔公子哥!曾经被人嘲笑,被人欺辱,被人谋害,从今以后再不会重演!地球修真,超强武力碾压一切敌人,再没人敢在我面前嚣张!搜寻天材地宝,炼制神奇丹药,凭借逆天实力,他在地球上掀起惊涛骇浪!
  • 品茶拒绝表面功夫

    品茶拒绝表面功夫

    品茶,其实更是一种生活艺术!中国几千年的茶文化可以说是博大精深,从《神农本草经》中记载了茶的起源,到如今,茶已经遍及全世界,成为了风靡世界的饮品之一,甚至还形成了不同风情的茶文化。让我们我们从茶的起源,著名的十大名茶,沏茶,品茶,各国特色饮法,各式茶具等方面让大家品茶拒绝表面功夫……
  • 太西和禁林

    太西和禁林

    这是一部动物小说;它主要讲述的是一座正在逐渐枯萎的森林里,(好比我们资源正日益匮乏的地球家园)为数不多的动物们艰难维生;而一只外来的黄鼠狼阴谋统治森林,奴役其它动物;小说主人公红猫熊太西和几个小伙伴与黄鼠狼以及巨鼠们斗智斗勇;揭开层层谜雾,克服重重困难,最后打败邪恶拯救森林的故事.
  • 重生之两次宇智波斑

    重生之两次宇智波斑

    本书是主角重生成小时候的斑,代替斑活下去,但确是不一样的。主角在火影世界死后会重生在另一个世界。声明本人第一次写书,没什么,如果有需要注意的请加作者QQ:1916534540还有,我只想写出自己心目中的斑。