'Rene dropped his absurd trumpet and made one of his best bows. I knew he was angry from the way he rolled his "r's."
'"Ver-r-ry good," said he. "For that I shall have much pleasure to kill you now and here. Monsieur Gamm," - another bow to Jerry - "you will please lend him your pistol, or he shall have mine. I give you my word I know not which is best; and if he will choose a second from his friends over there" - another bow to our drunken yokels at the gate - "we will commence."
'"That's fair enough," said Jerry. "Tom Dunch, you owe it to the Doctor to be his second. Place your man."
'"No," said Tom. "No mixin' in gentry's quarrels for me."
And he shook his head and went out, and the others followed him.
'"Hold on," said Jerry. "You've forgot what you set out to do up at the alehouse just now. You was goin' to search me for witch-marks; you was goin' to duck me in the pond; you was goin' to drag all my bits o' sticks out o' my little cottage here.
What's the matter with you? Wouldn't you like to be with your old woman tonight, Tom?"
'But they didn't even look back, much less come. They ran to the village alehouse like hares.
'"No matter for these canaille," said Rene, buttoning up his coat so as not to show any linen. All gentlemen do that before a duel, Dad says - and he's been out five times. "You shall be his second, Monsieur Gamm. Give him the pistol."
'Doctor Break took it as if it was red-hot, but he said that if Rene resigned his pretensions in certain quarters he would pass over the matter. Rene bowed deeper than ever.
'"As for that," he said, "if you were not the ignorant which you are, you would have known long ago that the subject of your remarks is not for any living man."
'I don't know what the subject of his remarks might have been, but he spoke in a simply dreadful voice, my dear, and Doctor Break turned quite white, and said Rene was a liar; and then Rene caught him by the throat, and choked him black.
'Well, my dear, as if this wasn't deliciously exciting enough, just exactly at that minute I heard a strange voice on the other side of the hedge say, "What's this? What's this, Bucksteed?" and there was my father and Sir Arthur Wesley on horseback in the lane; and there was Rene kneeling on Doctor Break, and there was I up in the oak, listening with all my ears.
'I must have leaned forward too much, and the voice gave me such a start that I slipped. I had only time to make one jump on to the pigsty roof - another, before the tiles broke, on to the pigsty wall - and then I bounced down into the garden, just behind Jerry, with my hair full of bark. Imagine the situation!'
'Oh, I can!' Una laughed till she nearly fell off the stool.
'Dad said, "Phil - a - del - phia!" and Sir Arthur Wesley said, "Good Ged" and Jerry put his foot on the pistol Rene had dropped. But Rene was splendid. He never even looked at me. He began to untwist Doctor Break's neckcloth as fast as he'd twisted it, and asked him if he felt better.
'"What's happened? What's happened?" said Dad.
'"A fit!" said Rene. "I fear my confrere has had a fit. Do not be alarmed. He recovers himself. Shall I bleed you a little, my dear Doctor?" Doctor Break was very good too. He said, "I am vastly obliged, Monsieur Laennec, but I am restored now." And as he went out of the gate he told Dad it was a syncope - I think. Then Sir Arthur said, "Quite right, Bucksteed. Not another word!
They are both gentlemen." And he took off his cocked hat to Doctor Break and Rene.
'But poor Dad wouldn't let well alone. He kept saying, "Philadelphia, what does all this mean?"
'"Well, sir," I said, "I've only just come down. As far as I could see, it looked as though Doctor Break had had a sudden seizure." That was quite true - if you'd seen Rene seize him. Sir Arthur laughed. "Not much change there, Bucksteed," he said.
"She's a lady - a thorough lady."
'"Heaven knows she doesn't look like one," said poor Dad.
"Go home, Philadelphia."
'So I went home, my dear - don't laugh so! - right under Sir Arthur's nose - a most enormous nose - feeling as though I were twelve years old, going to be whipped. Oh, I beg your pardon, child!'
'It's all right,' said Una. 'I'm getting on for thirteen. I've never been whipped, but I know how you felt. All the same, it must have been funny!'
