登陆注册
15445900000103

第103章 Chapter XLIII. Know Your Own Mind.(2)

Pressed by the faithless man who had so cruelly wronged her in after-years, she only wondered why he had waited so long before h e asked her to marry him. Addressed with equal ardor by that other man, whose age, whose character, whose modest devotion offered her every assurance of happiness that a woman could desire, she had struggled against herself, and had begged him to give her a day to consider. That day was now drawing to an end.

As she watched the setting sun, the phantom of her guilty husband darkened the heavenly light; imbittered the distrust of herself which made her afraid to say Yes; and left her helpless before the hesitation which prevented her from saying No.

The figure of a man appeared on the lonely path that led to the lodge gate.

Impulsively she rose from her seat as he advanced. She sat down again. After that first act of indecision, the flutter of her spirits abated; she was able to think.

To avoid him, after he had spared her at her own request, would have been an act of ingratitude: to receive him was to place herself once more in the false position of a woman too undecided to know her own mind. Forced to choose between these alternatives, her true regard for Bennydeck forbade her to think of herself, and encouraged her to wait for him. As he came nearer, she saw anxiety in his face and observed an open letter in his hand. He smiled as he approached her, and asked leave to take a chair at her side. At the same time, when he perceived that she had noticed his letter, he put it away hurriedly in his pocket.

"I hope nothing has happened to annoy you," she said.

He smiled again; and asked if she was thinking of his letter. "It is only a report," he added, "from my second in command, whom I have left in charge of my Home. He is an excellent man; but I am afraid his temper is not proof against the ingratitude which we sometimes meet with. He doesn't yet make allowances for what even the best natures suffer, under the deteriorating influence of self-distrust and despair. No, I am not anxious about the results of this case. I forget all my anxieties (except one) when I am with you."

His eyes told her that he was about to return to the one subject that she dreaded. She tried--as women will try, in the little emergencies of their lives--to gain time.

"I am interested about your Home," she said: "I want to know what sort of place it is. Is the discipline very severe?"

"There is no disciplined," he answered warmly. "My one object is to be a friend to my friendless fellow-creatures; and my one way of governing them is to follow the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount. Whatever else I may remind them of, when they come to me, I am determined not to remind them of a prison. For this reason--though I pity the hardened wanderers of the streets, I don't open my doors to them. Many a refuge, in which discipline is inevitable, is open to these poor sinners already. My welcome is offered to penitents and sufferers of another kind--who have fallen from positions in life, in which the sense of honor has been cultivated; whose despair is associated with remembrances which I may so encourage, with the New Testament to help me, as to lead them back to the religious influences under which their purer and happier lives may have been passed. Here and there I meet with disappointments. But I persist in my system of trusting them as freely as if they were my own children; and, for the most part, they justify my confidence in them. On the day--if it ever comes--when I find discipline necessary, I shall suffer my disappointment and close my doors."

"Is your house open," Catherine asked, "to men and women alike?"

He was eager to speak with her on a subject more interesting to him even than his Home. Answering her question, in this frame of mind, his thoughts wandered; he drew lines absently with his walking-stick on the soft earth under the trees.

"The means at my disposal," he said, "are limited. I have been obliged to choose between the men and the women."

"And you have chosen women?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because a lost woman is a more friendless creature than a lost man."

"Do they come to you? or do you look for them?"

"They mostly come to me. There is one young woman, however, now waiting to see me, whom I have been looking for. I am deeply interested in her."

"Is it her beauty that interests you?"

"I have not seen her since she was a child. She is the daughter of an old friend of mine, who died many years ago."

"And with that claim on you, you keep her waiting?"

"Yes."

He let his stick drop on the ground and looked at Catherine; but he offered no explanation of his strange conduct. She was a little disappointed. "You have been some time away from your Home," she said; still searching for his reasons. "When do you go back?"

"I go back," he answered, "when I know whether I may thank God for being the happiest man living."

They were both silent.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 路过风景

    路过风景

    这世界没有什么是永恒的,即使是神也得不到。即使如此,你还会愿意陪我一起寻找永远吗?如果你愿意,那我便愿意从我的世界里出来。可是,我的世界很小,小到它已装不下你,你还愿意吗?如果你还愿意,那么我便愿意向你打开我的世界,虽然,抱歉,它已经装满了另一个人……虽然我知道你喜欢着另一个人,可是,请允许我仍旧固执地喜欢着你……请原谅我喜欢你,却无法向你敞开我的世界,因为,它,已找到那个,愿意陪它,寻找永恒的人,而且,它,认生……林:爱,就是你喜欢风景,我就努力成为你的风景……叶:爱,就是你是风,我就是追风者;你是景,我就是摄影人……
  • 女人国

    女人国

    乾坤颠倒,阴阳逆行------做男人才是这世上最大的悲哀望诸君,不吝收藏,拜谢!!(虎目含泪,弯腰行礼,慢动作使劲回放)
  • 总裁的代班秘书

    总裁的代班秘书

    因为好友生产,托自己去做代班的秘书。认识霍昊天后,只觉得内心的一道墙却被慢慢地瓦解。霍昊天认识了代班秘书蓝梦绮后,所有的生活都变了样,不但打乱了自己所有的原则,还是不愿放开这个偷走他的心的女人,这难道是上天对自己玩女人的惩罚……语甜的E-mail:254464021163.com语甜的书友群:87153393欢迎各个书友帮我多多指导.
  • 重生军长宠妻攻略

    重生军长宠妻攻略

    前世,何月被所谓的好朋友利用,害得被人毁容,打击了自信心,还毁了自己原本可以天长地久的美满婚姻。这一世,何月绝对不会让惨剧发生第二次,而且她不光要做白富美,她还要和一本正经,实则腹黑霸道的冷酷军长过一辈子。本文男女主身心皆干净,一对一,不玩暧昧。
  • 网球王子之王者苍须

    网球王子之王者苍须

    一个心理阴暗的中学生,穿越到了网球王子世界。是意外,还是一个阴谋?华古苍须的网球之路,让我们拭目以待!
  • 报告洛少:你家宝贝逃跑了

    报告洛少:你家宝贝逃跑了

    什么?王子们的圣池灰姑娘的人间天堂——索亚男校竟然收了一个女生?众女惊讶,咬手帕,哭!什么?我们的人间地狱——索亚高校竟然收了一个女生?众男惊讶,鸡冻,咬手帕,哭!那一天,某只小狐狸做了一生最正确的选择,误打正着闯了男校,还勾搭到一个美男。什么?桃花这么多还想勾搭她?本宝宝才不要!“小狐狸,你想逃去哪儿?”某只大灰狼抓住小狐狸问道。“你是在我身上装了GPS吗……如影随形啊!”小狐狸看着追过来的某只大灰狼,一脸懵逼。“的确。”“你装哪儿了?”某只小狐狸一脸懵逼在全身上下摸索着。“装这儿了。”大灰狼把爪子放在了小狐狸的胸前。“色……”狼字未出,便是一吻封了唇……那个位置,是心呐!
  • 请只给我的青春一种色彩

    请只给我的青春一种色彩

    已经人间消失七年的宋怂货抱着自传重新归来,引起了欢送团的巨大反应。宋怂货宋蕴濡一边流泪一边更文,一边过着普通的生活一边却又活在偶像剧里。若能让她重选,她一定不会在某个时间出现在某个地点,更不会做某件事,这种人生难得一见的天时地利人和被她遇上后,她是哭着也拒绝不。青春一定得是五颜六色、色彩斑斓的吗?倘若她只想要片纯白呢?没有狗血剧,没有狗血人生,她想要的只是和一人平常的生活着,只是,她最痛恨转折句了!这种不断转折的人生到底是怎么回事!?
  • 佛说观无量寿佛经

    佛说观无量寿佛经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 时代幻象

    时代幻象

    当代著名诗人南野从事诗歌写作与理论研究三十多年来,创作了大量优秀的诗篇以及诗理论,他以“后工业时代的诗与诗学”界定自己的写作,这是他内心的镜像,也是书写的命名。《时代幻象》辑入的主要是南野2000年之后和1992年之前创作的诗歌作品,包括《实在界的言说》、《时代幻象》、《无记忆的体会》、《犀牛走动》、《鱼鹰的复杂性》、《描写一个冬晨》、《蓝色桌布》、《白窗》、《酒神的花》、《雪夜》、《城市雨后》等。
  • 妖有攻心之道

    妖有攻心之道

    很多年后,我仍然忘不了那个瞬间。那个叫陈宇斌的少年,笑起来眼睛弯成月牙形,笑意从眼角漾出,直直击中我的心脏,甚至连周围的空气都雀跃不已。《总攻女王:扑倒小受太子爷》林晔跟陈宇斌的番外