Another important point of 'les bienseances',seldom enough attended to,is,not to run your own present humor and disposition indiscriminately against everybody,but to observe,conform to,and adopt them.For example,if you happened to be in high good humor and a flow of spirits,would you go and sing a 'pont neuf',--[a ballad]--or cut a caper,to la Marechale de Coigny,the Pope's nuncio,or Abbe Sallier,or to any person of natural gravity and melancholy,or who at that time should be in grief?I believe not;as,on the other hand,I suppose,that if you were in low spirits or real grief,you would not choose to bewail your situation with 'la petite Blot'.If you cannot command your present humor and disposition,single out those to converse with,who happen to be in the humor the nearest to your own.
Loud laughter is extremely inconsistent with 'les bienseances',as it is only the illiberal and noisy testimony of the joy of the mob at some very silly thing.A gentleman is often seen,but very seldom heard to laugh.
Nothing is more contrary to 'les bienseances'than horse-play,or 'jeux de main'of any kind whatever,and has often very serious,sometimes very fatal consequences.Romping,struggling,throwing things at one another's head,are the becoming pleasantries of the mob,but degrade a gentleman:'giuoco di mano,giuoco di villano',is a very true saying,among the few true sayings of the Italians.
Peremptoriness and decision in young people is 'contraire aux bienseances',and they should seldom seem to assert,and always use some softening mitigating expression;such as,'s'il m'est permis de le dire,je croirais plutot,si j'ose m'expliquer',which soften the manner,without giving up or even weakening the thing.People of more age and experience expect,and are entitled to,that degree of deference.
There is a 'bienseance'also with regard to people of the lowest degree:
a gentleman observes it with his footman--even with the beggar in the street.He considers them as objects of compassion,not of insult;he speaks to neither 'd'un ton brusque',but corrects the one coolly,and refuses the other with humanity.There is one occasion in the world in which 'le ton brusque'is becoming a gentleman.In short,'les bienseances'are another word for MANNERS,and extend to every part of life.They are propriety;the Graces should attend,in order to complete them;the Graces enable us to do,genteelly and pleasingly,what 'les bienseances'require to be done at all.The latter are an obligation upon every man;the former are an infinite advantage and ornament to any man.May you unite both!
Though you dance well,do not think that you dance well enough,and consequently not endeavor to dance still better.And though you should be told that you are genteel,still aim at being genteeler.If Marcel should,do not you be satisfied.Go on,court the Graces all your lifetime;you will find no better friends at court:they will speak in your favor,to the hearts of princes,ministers,and mistresses.
Now that all tumultuous passions and quick sensations have subsided with me,and that I have no tormenting cares nor boisterous pleasures to agitate me,my greatest joy is to consider the fair prospect you have before you,and to hope and believe you will enjoy it.You are already in the world,at an age when others have hardly heard of it.Your character is hitherto not only unblemished in its mortal part,but even unsullied by any low,dirty,and ungentleman-like vice;and will,I hope,continue so.Your knowledge is sound,extensive and avowed,especially in everything relative to your destination.With such materials to begin with,what then is wanting!Not fortune,as you have found by experience.You have had,and shall have,fortune sufficient to assist your merit and your industry;and if I can help it,you never shall have enough to make you negligent of either.You have,too,'mens sana in corpore sano',the greatest blessing of all.All,therefore,that you want is as much in your power to acquire,as to eat your breakfast when set before you;it is only that knowledge of the world,that elegance of manners,that universal politeness,and those graces which keeping good company,and seeing variety of places and characters,must inevitably,with the least attention on your part,give you.Your foreign destination leads to the greatest things,and your parliamentary situation will facilitate your progress.Consider,then,this pleasing prospect as attentively for yourself as I consider it for you.Labor on your part to realize it,as I will on mine to assist,and enable you to do it.'Nullum numen abest,si sit prudentia'.
Adieu,my dear child!I count the days till I have the pleasure of seeing you;I shall soon count the hours,and at last the minutes,with increasing impatience.
P.S.The mohairs are this day gone from hence for Calais,recommended to the care of Madame Morel,and directed,as desired,to the Comptroller-general.The three pieces come to six hundred and eighty French livres.
