We went flying along like a friar who has been invited out to dinner because the lady was afraid there wouldn't be enough left for her.We reached her friend's house,and inside were other women who had been invited,too.They asked my mistress if I would be able to guard the door;she told them I could.They said to me,"Stay here,brother.Today you'll eat like a king."
Many gallant young men came,each one pulling something out of his pocket:this one a partridge,that one a hen;one took out a rabbit,another one a couple of pigeons;this one a little mutton,that one a piece of loin;and someone brought out sausage or blackpudding.One of them even took out a pie worth a silver piece,wrapped up in his handkerchief.They gave it to the cook,and in the meantime they were frolicking around with the ladies,romping with them like donkeys in a new field of rye.It isn't right for me to tell what happened there or for the reader to even imagine it.
After these rituals there came the victuals.The ladies ate the Aves ,and the young men drank the ite misa est .Everything left on the table the ladies wrapped in their handkerchiefs and put in their pockets.Then the men pulled the dessert out of theirs:some,apples;others,cheese;some,olives;and one of them,who was the cock of the walk and the one who was fooling with the tailor's wife,brought out a half-pound of candied fruit.I really liked that way of keeping your meal so close,in case you need it.And I decided right then that I would put three or four pockets on the first pair of pants God would give me,and one of them would be of good leather,sewn up well enough to pour soup into.Because if those gentlemen who were so rich and important brought everything in their pockets and the ladies carried things that were cooked in theirs,I--who was only a whore's squire--could do it,too.
We servants went to eat,and there wasn't a damned thing left for us but soup and bread sops,and I was amazed to see that those ladies hadn't stuck that up their sleeves.We had barely begun when we heard a tremendous uproar in the hall where our masters were:they were referring to their mothers and discussing what sort of men their fathers had been.They left off talking and started swinging,and since variety is necessary in everything,there was hitting,slapping,pinching,kicking,and biting.They were grabbing one another's hair and pulling it out;they pounded each other so much you would think they were village boys in a religious procession.As far as I could find out,the quarrel broke out because some of the men didn't want to give or pay those women anything:they said that what the women had eaten was enough.
It happened that some law officers were coming up the street,and they heard the noise and knocked on the door and called out,"Open up,in the name of the law!"
When they heard this,some of the people inside ran one way,and others another way.Some left behind their cloaks,and others their swords,one left her shoes,another her veil.So they all disappeared,and each one hid as best he could.I had no reason to run away,so I stood there,and since I was the doorman,I opened the door so they wouldn't accuse me of resisting the law.The first officer who came in grabbed me by the collar and said I was under arrest.When they had me in their hands,they locked the door and went looking for the people who had been making all the noise.There was no bedroom,dressing room,basement,wine cellar,attic,or privy they didn't look in.
Since the officers didn't find anyone,they took my statement.I confessed from A to Z about everyone at the gathering and what they had done.The officers were amazed,since there were as many as I'd said,that not one of them had turned up.To tell the truth,I was amazed,too,because there had been twelve men and six women.Simple as I was,I told them (and I really believed it)that I thought all the people who had been there and made that noise were goblins.They laughed at me,and the constable asked his men who had been to the wine cellar if they'd looked everywhere carefully.They said they had,but not satisfied with this,he made them light a torch,and when they went in the door they saw a cask rolling around.The officers were terrified,and they started to run away,crying,"For God's sake,that fellow was right;there are nothing but spooks here!"
The constable was shrewder,and he stopped the officers,saying he wasn't afraid of the Devil himself.Then he went over to the cask and took off the lid,and inside he found a man and a woman.I don't want to tell how he found them so I won't offend the pure ears of the wholesome,high-minded reader.I will only say that the violence of their movements had made the cask roll around and was the cause of their misfortune and of showing in public what they were doing in private.
