Your cook is no longer able--she is deaf, she is infirm.If anything should happen to you at night! Oh! it makes me shudder even to think of it!"And she really shuddered--she closed her eyes, clenched her hands, stamped on the floor.Great was my dismay.With awful intensity she resumed, "Your health--your dear health! The health of a Member of the Institute! How joyfully I would shed the very last drop of my blood to preserve the life of a scholar, of a litterateur, of a man of worth.And any woman who would not do as much, I should despise her!
Let me tell you, Monsieur--I used to know the wife of a great mathematician, a man who used to fill whole note-books with calculations--so many note-books that they filled all the cupboards in the house.He had heart-disease, and he was visibly pining away.
And I saw that wife of his, sitting there beside him, perfectly calm!
I could not endure it.I said to her one day, 'My dear, you have no heart! If I were in your place I should...I should...I do not know what I should do!'"She paused for want of breath.My situation was terrible.As for telling Mademoiselle Prefere what I really thought about her advice--that was something which I could not even dream of daring to do.
For to fall out with her was to lose the chance of seeing Jeanne.
So I resolved to take the matter quietly.In any case, she was in my house: that consideration helped me to treat her with something of courtesy.
"I am very old, Mademoiselle," I answered her, "and I am very much afraid that your advice comes to me rather late in life.Still, Iwill think about it.In the meanwhile let me beg of you to be calm.I think a glass of eau sucree would do you good!"To my great surprise, these words calmed her at once; and I saw her sit down very quietly in HER corner, close to HER pigeon-hole, upon HER chair, with her feet upon HER footstool.
The dinner was a complete failure.Mademoiselle Prefere, who seemed lost in a brown study, never noticed the fact.As a rule I am very sensitive about such misfortunes; but this one caused Jeanne so much delight that at last I could not help enjoying it myself.Even at my age I had not been able to learn before that a chicken, raw on one side and burned on the other, was a funny thing; but Jeanne's bursts of laughter taught me that it was.That chicken caused us to say a thousand very witty things, which I have forgotten; and I was enchanted that it had not been properly cooked.Jeanne put it back to roast again; then she broiled it; then she stewed it with butter.
And every time it came back to the table it was much less appetising and much more mirth-provoking than before.When we did eat it, at last, it had become a thing for which there is no name in any cuisine.
The almond cake was much more extraordinary.It was brought to the table in the pan, because it never could have got out of it.Iinvited Jeanne to help us all to a piece thinking that I was going to embarrass her; but she broke the pan and gave each of us a fragment.To think that anybody at my age could eat such things was an idea possible only to the very artless mind.Mademoiselle Prefere, suddenly awakened from her dream, indignantly pushed away the sugary splinter of earthenware, and deemed it opportune to inform me that she herself was exceedingly skilful in making confectionery.
"Ah!" exclaimed Jeanne, with an air of surprise not altogether without malice.Then she wrapped all the fragments of the pan in a piece of paper, for the purpose of giving them to her little playmates--especially to the three little Mouton girls, who are naturally inclined to gluttony.
Secretly, however, I was beginning to feel very uneasy.It did not now seem in any way possible to keep much longer upon good terms with Mademoiselle Prefere since her matrimonial fury had this burst forth.And that lady affronted, good-bye to Jeanne! I took advantage of a moment while the sweet soul was busy putting on her cloak, in order to ask Jeanne to tell me exactly what her own age was.She was eighteen years and one month old.I counted on my fingers, and found she would not come of age for another two years and eleven months.And how should we be able to manage during all that time?
At the door Mademoiselle Prefere squeezed my hand with so much meaning that I fairly shook from head to foot.
"Good-bye," I said very gravely to the young girl."But listen to me a moment: your friend is very old, and might perhaps fail you when you need him most.Promise me never to fail in your duty to yourself, and then I shall have no fear.God keep you, my child!"After closing the door behind them, I opened the window to get a last look at her as she was going away.But the night was dark, and I could see only two vague shadows flitting across the quay.
I heard the vast deep hom of the city rising up about me; and Isuddenly felt a great sinking at my heart.
Poor child!
December 15.
The King of Thule kept a goblet of gold which his dying mistress had bequeathed him as a souvenir.When about to die himself, after having drunk from it for the last time, he threw the goblet into the sea.And I keep this diary of memories even as that old prince of the mist-haunted seas kept his carven goblet; and even as he flung away at last his love-pledge, so will I burn this book of souvenirs.
Assuredly it is not through any arrogant avarice nor through any egotistical pride, that I shall destroy this record of a humble life--it is only because I fear lest those things which are dear and sacred to me might appear before others, because of my inartistic manner of expression, either commonplace or absurd.
