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第122章

"The particulars of the lecture we need not describe.Many accounts of the Mormons, more or less credible, and all authenticated, have been given by serious historians, and Mr.W.H.Dixon, who has just returned from Utah to London, is said to have brought with him new stores of solid information.But to most of us Mormonism is still a mystery, and under those circumstances a lecturer who has professedly visited a country for the sake more of picking up fun than of sifting facts, and whose chief object it must be to make his narrative amusing, can scarcely be accepted as an authority.We will, therefore, content ourselves with stating that the lecture is entertaining to such a degree that to those who seek amusement its brevity is its only fault; that it is utterly free from offence, though the opportunities for offence given by the subject of Mormonism are obviously numerous; that it is interspersed, not only with irresistible jokes, but with shrewd remarks, proving that Artemus Ward is a man of reflection, as well as a consummate humorist."6.4.PROGRAMME OF THE EGYPTIAN HALL LECTURE.

PROGRAMME USED AT

EGYPTIAN HALL

PICCADILLY.

____________

Every Night (Except Saturday) at 8.

SATURDAY MORNINGS AT 3.

____________

ARTEMUS WARD

AMONG THE MORMONS.

....

During the Vacation the Hall has been carefully Swept out and a new Door-Knob has been added to the Door.

....

MR.ARTEMUS WARD will call on the Citizens of London, at their residences, and explain any jokes in his narrative which they may not understand.

....

A person of long-established integrity will take excellent care of Bonnets, Cloaks, etc., during the Entertainment; the Audience better leave their money, however, with MR.WARD;he will return it to them in a day or two, or invest it for them in America as they may think best.

->Nobody must say that he likes the Lecture unless he wishes to be thought eccentric; and nobody must say that he doesn't like it unless he really IS eccentric.(This requires thinking over, but it will amply repay perusal.)....

The Panorama used to Illustrate Mr.Ward's Narrative is rather more than Panoramas usually are.

....

MR.WARD will not be responsible for any debts of his own contracting.

....

PROGRAMME.

....

1.APPEARANCE Of ARTEMUS WARD, Who will be greeted with applause.-> The stall-keeper is particularly requested to attend to this.<- When quiet has been restored, the Lecturer will present a rather frisky prologue, of about ten minutes in length, and of nearly the same width.It perhaps isn't necessary to speak of the depth.

2.

THE PICTURES COMMENCE HERE, the first one being a view of the California Steamship.Large crowd of citizens on the wharf, who appear to be entirely willing that ARTEMUS WARDshall go."Bless you, Sir!" they say."Don't hurry about coming back.Stay away for years, if you want to!" It was very touching.Disgraceful treatment of the passengers, who are obliged to go forward to smoke pipes, while the steamer herself is allowed 2 Smoke Pipes amidships.At Panama.Aglance at Mexico.

3.THE LAND Of GOLD.

Montgomery Street, San Francisco.The Gold Bricks.Street Scenes."The Orphan Cabman, or the Mule Driver's Step-Father." The Chinese Theatre.Sixteen square yards of a Chinese Comic Song.

4.THE LAND Of SILVER.

Virginia City, the wild young metropolis of the new Silver State.Fortunes are made there in a day.There are instances on record of young men going to this place without a shilling--poor and friendless--yet by energy, intelligence, and a careful disregard to business, they have been enabled to leave there, owing hundreds of pounds.

5.THE GREAT DESERT AT NIGHT.

A dreary waste of Sand.The Sand isn't worth saving, however.Indians occupy yonder mountains.Little Injuns seen in the distance trundling their war-hoops.

6.A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW OF GREAT SALT LAKE CITY.

With some entirely descriptive talk.

7.MAIN STREET, EAST SIDE.

The Salt Lake Hotel, which is conducted on Temperance principles.The landlord sells nothing stronger than salt butter.

8.THE MORMON THEATRE.

The Lady of Lyons was produced here a short time since, but failed to satisfy a Mormon audience, on account of there being only one Pauline in it.The play was revised at once.

It was presented the next night, with fifteen Paulines in the cast, and was a perfect success.-> All these statements may be regarded as strictly true.Mr.Ward would not deceive an infant.

9.MAIN STREET, WEST SIDE.

This being a view of Main Street, West side, it is naturally a view of the West side of Main Street.

10.BRIGHAM YOUNG'S HAREM.

Mr.Young is an indulgent father, and a numerous husband.

For further particulars call on Mr.WARD, at Egyptian Hall, any Evening this week.This paragraph is intended to blend business with amusement.

11.HEBER C.KIMBALL'S HAREM.

We have only to repeat here the pleasant remarks above in regard to Brigham.

....

INTERMISSION Of FIVE MINUTES.

....

12.THE TABERNACLE.

13.THE TEMPLE AS IT IS.

14.THE TEMPLE AS IT IS TO BE.

15.THE GREAT SALT LAKE.

16.THE ENDOWMENT HOUSE.

The Mormon is initiated into the mysteries of his faith here.The Mormon's religion is singular and his wives are plural.

17.ECHO CANYON.

18.THE DESERT AGAIN.

A more cheerful view.The Plains of Colorado.The Colorado Mountains "might have been seen" in the distance, if the Artist had painted 'em.But he is prejudiced against mountains, because his uncle once got lost on one.

19.BRIGHAM YOUNG AND HIS WIVES.

The pretty girls of Utah mostly marry Young.

20.THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS.

21.THE PLAINS OF NEBRASKA.

22.THE PRAIRIE ON FIRE.

....

RECOMMENDATIONS.

TOTNESS, Oct.20th, 1866.

MR.ARTEMUS WARD:

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