登陆注册
15365000000084

第84章 THAT NIGHT(2)

"So long as I feel myself what it pleases me to think myself,I care not.I am content to be to myself what I would be.What I choose to seem to myself makes me what I am.My own thought makes me me;my own thought of myself is me.Another shall not make me!""But another has made you,and can compel you to see what you have made yourself.You will not be able much longer to look to yourself anything but what he sees you!You will not much longer have satisfaction in the thought of yourself.At this moment you are aware of the coming change!""No one ever made me.I defy that Power to unmake me from a free woman!You are his slave,and I defy you!You may be able to torture me--I do not know,but you shall not compel me to anything against my will!""Such a compulsion would be without value.But there is a light that goes deeper than the will,a light that lights up the darkness behind it:that light can change your will,can make it truly yours and not another's--not the Shadow's.Into the created can pour itself the creating will,and so redeem it!""That light shall not enter me:I hate it!--Begone,slave!""I am no slave,for I love that light,and will with the deeper will which created mine.There is no slave but the creature that wills against its creator.Who is a slave but her who cries,`I am free,'yet cannot cease to exist!""You speak foolishness from a cowering heart!You imagine me given over to you:I defy you!I hold myself against you!What I choose to be,you cannot change.I will not be what you think me--what you say I am!""I am sorry:you must suffer!"

"But be free!"

"She alone is free who would make free;she loves not freedom who would enslave:she is herself a slave.Every life,every will,every heart that came within your ken,you have sought to subdue:

you are the slave of every slave you have made--such a slave that you do not know it!--See your own self!"She took her hand from the head of the princess,and went two backward paces from her.

A soundless presence as of roaring flame possessed the house--the same,I presume,that was to the children a silent wind.

Involuntarily I turned to the hearth:its fire was a still small moveless glow.But I saw the worm-thing come creeping out,white-hot,vivid as incandescent silver,the live heart of essential fire.Along the floor it crawled toward the settle,going very slow.Yet more slowly it crept up on it,and laid itself,as unwilling to go further,at the feet of the princess.I rose and stole nearer.Mara stood motionless,as one that waits an event foreknown.The shining thing crawled on to a bare bony foot:it showed no suffering,neither was the settle scorched where the worm had lain.Slowly,very slowly,it crept along her robe until it reached her bosom,where it disappeared among the folds.

The face of the princess lay stonily calm,the eyelids closed as over dead eyes;and for some minutes nothing followed.At length,on the dry,parchment-like skin,began to appear drops as of the finest dew:in a moment they were as large as seed-pearls,ran together,and began to pour down in streams.I darted forward to snatch the worm from the poor withered bosom,and crush it with my foot.But Mara,Mother of Sorrow,stepped between,and drew aside the closed edges of the robe:no serpent was there--no searing trail;the creature had passed in by the centre of the black spot,and was piercing through the joints and marrow to the thoughts and intents of the heart.The princess gave one writhing,contorted shudder,and I knew the worm was in her secret chamber.

"She is seeing herself!"said Mara;and laying her hand on my arm,she drew me three paces from the settle.

Of a sudden the princess bent her body upward in an arch,then sprang to the floor,and stood erect.The horror in her face made me tremble lest her eyes should open,and the sight of them overwhelm me.Her bosom heaved and sank,but no breath issued.Her hair hung and dripped;then it stood out from her head and emitted sparks;again hung down,and poured the sweat of her torture on the floor.

I would have thrown my arms about her,but Mara stopped me.

"You cannot go near her,"she said."She is far away from us,afar in the hell of her self-consciousness.The central fire of the universe is radiating into her the knowledge of good and evil,the knowledge of what she is.She sees at last the good she is not,the evil she is.She knows that she is herself the fire in which she is burning,but she does not know that the Light of Life is the heart of that fire.Her torment is that she is what she is.Do not fear for her;she is not forsaken.No gentler way to help her was left.Wait and watch."It may have been five minutes or five years that she stood thus--Icannot tell;but at last she flung herself on her face.

Mara went to her,and stood looking down upon her.Large tears fell from her eyes on the woman who had never wept,and would not weep.

"Will you change your way?"she said at length.

"Why did he make me such?"gasped Lilith."I would have made myself--oh,so different!I am glad it was he that made me and not I myself!He alone is to blame for what I am!Never would I have made such a worthless thing!He meant me such that I might know it and be miserable!I will not be made any longer!""Unmake yourself,then,"said Mara.

"Alas,I cannot!You know it,and mock me!How often have I not agonised to cease,but the tyrant keeps me being!I curse him!--Now let him kill me!"The words came in jets as from a dying fountain.

"Had he not made you,"said Mara,gently and slowly,"you could not even hate him.But he did not make you such.You have made yourself what you are.--Be of better cheer:he can remake you.""I will not be remade!"

"He will not change you;he will only restore you to what you were.""I will not be aught of his making."

"Are you not willing to have that set right which you have set wrong?"She lay silent;her suffering seemed abated.

"If you are willing,put yourself again on the settle.""I will not,"she answered,forcing the words through her clenched teeth.

同类推荐
  • 滞下门

    滞下门

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 六十种曲鸣凤记

    六十种曲鸣凤记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 疑狱集

    疑狱集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 佛说五十颂圣般若波罗蜜经

    佛说五十颂圣般若波罗蜜经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 云中事记

    云中事记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 来自未来的黑猫勇士

    来自未来的黑猫勇士

    4016年,全球经济大萧条,被家族派出来试练的黑猫贝斯特偶然发现了一个天大的秘密。为了拯救地球,他和同伴们出动了……
  • The three Musketeers

    The three Musketeers

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 超时空美男恋

    超时空美男恋

    刚开学,学生的我和我的冤家上官琉慕竟然穿越到了另一个时空,而且在同一间房里,上官琉慕不知道又会怎样欺负我呢,而且还是他的女朋友,唉我有种不好的预感啊......
  • 妖本无道

    妖本无道

    我本是太华山的一小妖,喝得了酒,撒得了泼,说的了谎,厮混于一群妖冶的小狐狸间,师承于两老头,混江湖用的是一张嘴。没想到在他一句:“小妖,你跑不了了。”里翻了船。“呵呵,大爷,我就一小妖,太华山一拉一大批的那种,怎么就偏偏缠上我……”“可我就看见你一个,跟着爷走吧。”索性说完,拿来锁妖绳直接捆了。我欲哭无泪,小妖我活了万把年,被魔族直接给掳了,以后还怎么混。打定主意,誓死不从,对,誓死不从
  • 天之路其漫漫兮

    天之路其漫漫兮

    苍天归虚,魔天掌权,还是婴儿的苍天之子降临人间。这是一个神话的世界,且看他如何一步步慢慢踏上登天之路。
  • 医道之护花狂徒

    医道之护花狂徒

    叶赫身怀神奇医术,一手针灸之术可以让任何病人起死回生。他还身怀绝世武功,路见不平拔刀相助。美女总裁,明星等等各色美女慕名而来,只求他出手相助。救人于危难,救华夏中医于危难,拳打流氓地痞,脚踩各路不平。
  • EXO之当年你青涩模样

    EXO之当年你青涩模样

    一个出道很久却不红的演员,付出的努力并不少。一天,你在街上散步导演金俊绵发现,进了剧组。在剧组里,遇到你的前男友边伯贤,超人气偶像鹿晗,你的偶像吴亦凡,腹黑忙内吴世勋、还有你的经纪人朴灿烈。
  • 域尊

    域尊

    星河浩瀚,域途漫漫,纵然劫难多端,但凭心之无畏,破碎命运枷锁。“为什么是你?”诧异的问语随着嘴角边上艳丽的鲜血缓缓流出。“你是谁?”一个熟悉到陌生的面孔慢慢的浮现在近尺之间。“你别动手了,我自己来。”手掌在自己的脑袋上比划了比划,又面带一副失落表情的放下了手,“我一直以为自己什么都看开了,结果还是下不了手,你来吧。”
  • 既温柔,又狂野

    既温柔,又狂野

    本书收录了北京女作家赵凝近年的散文随笔作品。其特有的文笔风格,完整地展现出了生活在繁华都市中的一个知识女人的真实心迹。
  • 战神星空

    战神星空

    一场前所未有的种族入侵,地球因此陷入了种族混战。此时一名浴血少年依然踏上奋起反抗的强者之旅!