Well, 'tis as Bickerstaff has guess'd, Tho' we all took it for a jest; Partridge is dead, nay more, he dy'd E're he could prove the good 'Squire ly'd. Strange, an Astrologer shou'd die, Without one Wonder in the Sky! Not one of all his Crony Stars To pay their Duty at his Herse? No Meteor, no Eclipse appear'd? No Comet with a flaming Beard? The Sun has rose, and gone to Bed, Just as if partridge were not dead: Nor hid himself behind the Moon, To make a dreadful Night at Noon. He at fit Periods walks through Aries, Howe'er our earthly Motion varies; And twice a Year he'll cut th' Equator, As if there had been no such Matter.
Some Wits have wonder'd what Analogy There is 'twixt Cobbling* and Astrology: How Partridge made his Optics rise, From a Shoe-Sole, to reach the Skies.
A List of Coblers Temples Ties, To keep the Hair out of their Eyes; From whence 'tis plain the Diadem That Princes wear, derives from them. And therefore Crowns are now-a-days Adorn'd with Golden Stars and Rays, Which plainly shews the near Alliance 'Twixt cobling and the Planets Science.
Besides, that slow-pac'd Sign Bootes, As 'tis miscall'd, we know not who 'tis? But Partridge ended all Disputes, He knew his Trade, and call'd it**Boots.
The Horned Moon, which heretofore Upon their Shoes the Romans wore, Whose Wideness kept their Toes from Corns, And whence we claim our Shooing-Horns; Shows how the Art of Cobling bears A near Resemblance to the Spheres.
A Scrap of Parchment hung by Geometry (A great Refinement in Barometry) Can, like the Stars, foretel the Weather; And what is Parchment else but Leather? Which an Astrologer might use, Either for Almanacks or Shoes.
Thus Partridge, by his Wit and Parts, At once did practise both these Arts; And as the boading Owl (or rather The Bat, because her Wings are Leather) Steals from her private Cell by Night, And flies about the Candle- Light; So learned Partridge could as well Creep in the Dark from Leathern Cell, And, in his Fancy, fly as fair, To peep upon a twinkling Star.
Besides, he could confound the Spheres, And set the Planets by theEars; To shew his Skill, he Mars could join To Venus in Aspect Mali'n; Then call in Mercury for Aid, And cure the Wounds that Venus made.
Great Scholars have in Lucian read, When Philip, King of Greece was dead, His Soul and Spirit did divide, And each Part took a diff'rent Side; One rose a Star, the other fell Beneath, and mended Shoes in Hell.
Thus Partridge still shines in each Art, The Cobling and Star-gazing Part, And is install'd as good a Star As any of the Caesars are.
Triumphant Star! some Pity shew On Coblers militant below, Whom roguish Boys in stormy Nights Torment, by pissing out their Lights; Or thro' a Chink convey their Smoke; Inclos'd Artificers to choke.
Thou, high exalted in thy Sphere, May'st follow still thy Calling there. To thee the Bull will lend his hide, By Phoebus newly tann'd and dry'd. For thee they Argo's Hulk will tax, And scrape her pitchy Sides for Wax. Then Ariadne kindly lends Her braided Hair to make thee Ends. The Point of Sagittarius' Dart Turns to an awl, by heav'nly Art; And Vulcan, wheedled by his Wife, Will forge for thee a Paring-Knife. For want of Room, by Virgo's Side, She'll strain a Point, and sit astride***, To take thee kindly in between, And then the Signs will be Thirteen.
*Partridge was a Cobler. ** See his Almanack ***Tibi brachia contrahet ingens Scorpius, etc.
_ An Epitaph on Partridge.
Here, five Foot deep, lies on his Back, A Cobler, Starmonger, and Quack; Who to the Stars in pure Good-will, Does to his best look upward still. Weep all you Customers that use His Pills, his Almanacks, or Shoes; And you that did your Fortunes seek, Step to his Grave but once a Week: This Earth which bears his Body's Print, You'll find has so much Vertue in't, That I durst pawn my Ears 'twill tell Whate'er concerns you full as well, In Physick, Stolen Goods, or Love, As he himself could, when above.
[Partridge's reply]
'Squire Bickerstaff detected; or, the astrological impostor convicted; by John Partridge, student in physick and astrology.
It is hard, my dear countrymen of these united nations, it is very hardthat a Briton born, a Protestant astrologer, a man of revolution principles, an assertor of the liberty and property of the people, should cry out, in vain, for justice against a Frenchman, a Papist, an illiterate pretender to science; that would blast my reputation, most inhumanly bury me alive, and defraud my native country of those services, that, in my double capacity, I daily offer to the publick.
What great provocations I have receiv'd, let the impartial reader judge, and how unwillingly, even in my own defence, I now enter the lists against falsehood, ignorance and envy: But I am exasperated, at length, to drag out this cacus from the den of obscurity where he lurks, detect him by the light of those stars he has so impudently traduced, and shew there's not a monster in the skies so pernicious and malevolent to mankind, as an ignorant pretender to physick and astrology. I shall not directly fall on the many gross errors, nor expose the notorious absurdities of this prostituted libeller, till I have let the learned world fairly into the controversy depending, and then leave the unprejudiced to judge of the merits and justice of the cause.
