Why, it's your beak that looks so ridiculous to us.
EPOPS
This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies.Know, I once was Tereus.
EUELPIDES
You were Tereus, and what are you now? a bird or a peacock?
EPOPS
I am a bird.
EUELPIDES
Then where are your feathers? I don't see any.
EPOPS
They have fallen off.
EUELPIDES
Through illness?
EPOPS
No.All birds moult their feathers, you know, every winter, and others grow in their place.But tell me, who are you?
EUELPIDES
We? We are mortals.
EPOPS
From what country?
EUELPIDES
From the land of the beautful galleys.
EPOPS
Are you dicasts?
EUELPIDES
No, if anything, we are anti-dicasts.
EPOPS
Is that kind of seed sown among you?
EUELPIDES
You have to look hard to find even a little in our fields.
EPOPS
What brings you here?
EUELPIDES
We wish to pay you a visit.
EPOPS
What for?
EUELPIDES
Because you formerly were a man, like we are, formerly you had debts, as we have, formerly you did not want to pay them, like ourselves; furthermore, being turned into a bird, you have when flying seen all lands and seas.Thus you have all human knowledge as well as that of birds.And hence we have come to you to beg you to direct us to some cosy town, in which one can repose as if on thick coverlets.
EPOPS
And are you looking for a greater city than Athens?
EUELPIDES
No, not a greater, but one more pleasant to live in.
EPOPS
Then you are looking for an aristocratic country.
EUELPIDES
I? Not at all! I hold the son of Scellias in horror.
EPOPS
But, after all, what sort of city would please you best?
EUELPIDES
A place where the following would be the most important business: transacted.-Some friend would come knocking at the door quite early in the morning saying, "By Olympian Zeus, be at my house early.as soon as you have bathed, and bring your children too.I am giving a feast, so don't fail, or else don't cross my threshold when Iam in distress."
EPOPS
Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships! (To PITHETAERUS) And what say you?
PITHETAERUS
My tastes are similar.
EPOPS
And they are?
PITHETAERUS
I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop in the street and say to me reproachfully as if I had failed him, "Ah! Is this well done, Stilbonides? You met my son coming from the bath after the gymnasium and you neither spoke to him, nor kissed him, nor took him with you, nor ever once felt his balls.Would anyone call you an old friend of mine?"EPOPS
Ah! wag, I see you are fond of suffering.But there is a city of delights such as you want.It's on the Red Sea.
EUELPIDES
Oh, no.Not a sea-port, where some fine morning the Salaminian galley can appear, bringing a process-server along.Have you no Greek town you can propose to us?
EPOPS
Why not choose Lepreum in Elis for your settlement?
EUELPIDES
By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust, because of Melanthius.
EPOPS
Then, again, there is the Opuntian Locris, where you could live.
EUELPIDES
I would not be Opuntian for a talent.But come, what is it like to live with the birds? You should know pretty well.
EPOPS
Why, it's not a disagreeable life.In the first place, one has no purse.
EUELPIDES
That does away with a lot of roguery.
EPOPS
For food the gardens yield us white sesame, myrtle-berries, poppies and mint.
EUELPIDES
Why, 'tis the life of the newly-wed indeed.
PITHETAERUS
Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer the supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice.
EPOPS
Take your advice? In what way?
PITHETAERUS
In what way? Well, firstly, do not fly in all directions with open beak; it is not dignified.Among us, when we see a thoughtless man, we ask, "What sort of bird is this?" and Teleas answers, "It's a man who has no brain, a bird that has lost his head, a creature you cannot catch, for it never remains in any one place."EPOPS
By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark.What then is to be done?
PITHETAERUS
Found a city.
EPOPS
We birds? But what sort of city should we build?
PITHETAERUS
Oh, really, really! you talk like such a fool! Look down.
EPOPS
I am looking.
PITHETAERUS
Now look up.
EPOPS
I am looking.
PITHETAERUS
Turn your head round.
EPOPS
Ah! it will be pleasant for me if I end in twisting my neck of!
PITHETAERUS
What have you seen?
EPOPS
The clouds and the sky.
PITHETAERUS
Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then?
EPOPS
How their pole?
PITHETAERUS
Or, if you like it, their place.And since it turns and passes through the whole universe, it is called 'pole.' If you build and fortify it, you will turn your pole into a city.In this way you will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers and you will cause the gods to die of rabid hunger EPOPSHow so?
PITHETAERUS
The air is between earth and heaven.When we want to go to Delphi, we ask the Boeotians for leave of passage; in the same way, when men sacrifice to the gods, unless the latter pay you tribute, you exercise the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow the smoke of the sacrifices to pass through your city and territory.
EPOPS
By earth! by snares! by network! by cages! I never heard of anything more cleverly conceived; and, if the other birds approve, Iam going to build the city along with you.
PITHETAERUS
Who will explain the matter to them?
EPOPS
You must yourself.Before I came they were quite ignorant, but since have lived with them I have taught them to speak.
PITHETAERUS
But how can they be gathered together?
EPOPS
Easily.I will hasten down to the thicket to waken my dear Procne and as soon as they hear our voices, they will come to us hot wing.
PITHETAERUS
My dear bird, lose no time, please! Fly at once into the thicket and awaken Procne.
(EPOPS rushes into the thicket.)
EPOPS (from within; singing)
