登陆注册
15488200000006

第6章 THE PLAY(5)

THE INCA. Only TALKED! ONLY talked! What is more glorious than talk? Can anyone in the world talk like him? Madam, when he signed the declaration of war, he said to his foolish generals and admirals, 'Gentlemen, you will all be sorry for this.' And they are. They know now that they had better have relied on the sword of the spirit: in other words, on their Inca's talk, than on their murderous cannons. The world will one day do justice to the Inca as the man who kept the peace with nothing but his tongue and his moustache. While he talked: talked just as I am talking now to you, simply, quietly, sensibly, but GREATLY, there was peace; there was prosperity; Perusalem went from success to success. He has been silenced for a year by the roar of trinitrotoluene and the bluster of fools; and the world is in ruins. What a tragedy! [He is convulsed with grief.]

ERMYNTRUDE. Captain Duval, I don't want to be unsympathetic; but suppose we get back to business.

THE INCA. Business! What business?

ERMYNTRUDE. Well, MY business. You want me to marry one of the Inca's sons: I forget which.

THE INCA. As far as I can recollect the name, it is His Imperial Highness Prince Eitel William Frederick George Franz Josef Alexander Nicholas Victor Emmanuel Albert Theodore Wilson--ERMYNTRUDE [interrupting]. Oh, please, please, mayn't I have one with a shorter name? What is he called at home?

THE INCA. He is usually called Sonny, madam. [With great charm of manner.] But you will please understand that the Inca has no desire to pin you to any particular son. There is Chips and Spots and Lulu and Pongo and the Corsair and the Piffler and Jack Johnson the Second, all unmarried. At least not seriously married: nothing, in short, that cannot be arranged. They are all at your service.

ERMYNTRUDE. Are they all as clever and charming as their father?

THE INCA [lifts his eyebrows pityingly; shrugs his shoulders;then, with indulgent paternal contempt]. Excellent lads, madam.

Very honest affectionate creatures. I have nothing against them.

Pongo imitates farmyard sounds--cock crowing and that sort of thing--extremely well. Lulu plays Strauss's Sinfonia Domestica on the mouth organ really screamingly. Chips keeps owls and rabbits.

Spots motor bicycles. The Corsair commands canal barges and steers them himself. The Piffler writes plays, and paints most abominably. Jack Johnson trims ladies' hats, and boxes with professionals hired for that purpose. He is invariably victorious. Yes: they all have their different little talents.

And also, of course, their family resemblances. For example, they all smoke; they all quarrel with one another; and they none of them appreciate their father, who, by the way, is no mean painter, though the Piffler pretends to ridicule his efforts.

ERMYNTRUDE. Quite a large choice, eh?

THE INCA. But very little to choose, believe me. I should not recommend Pongo, because he snores so frightfully that it has been necessary to build him a sound-proof bedroom: otherwise the royal family would get no sleep. But any of the others would suit equally well--if you are really bent on marrying one of them.

ERMYNTRUDE. If! What is this? I never wanted to marry one of them. I thought you wanted me to.

THE INCA. I did, madam; but [confidentially, flattering her] you are not quite the sort of person I expected you to be; and Idoubt whether any of these young degenerates would make you happy. I trust I am not showing any want of natural feeling when I say that from the point of view of a lively, accomplished, and beautiful woman [Ermyntrude bows] they might pall after a time. Isuggest that you might prefer the Inca himself.

ERMYNTRUDE. Oh, Captain, how could a humble person like myself be of any interest to a prince who is surrounded with the ablest and most far-reaching intellects in the world?

TAE INCA [explosively]. What on earth are you talking about, madam? Can you name a single man in the entourage of the Inca who is not a born fool?

ERMYNTRUDE. Oh, how can you say that! There is Admiral von Cockpits--THE INCA [rising intolerantly and striding about the room]. Von Cockpits! Madam, if Von Cockpits ever goes to heaven, before three weeks are over the Angel Gabriel will be at war with the man in the moon.

ERMYNTRUDE. But General Von Schinkenburg--

THE INCA. Schinkenburg! I grant you, Schinkenburg has a genius for defending market gardens. Among market gardens he is invincible. But what is the good of that? The world does not consist of market gardens. Turn him loose in pasture and he is lost. The Inca has defeated all these generals again and again at manoeuvres; and yet he has to give place to them in the field because he would be blamed for every disaster--accused of sacrificing the country to his vanity. Vanity! Why do they call him vain? Just because he is one of the few men who are not afraid to live. Why do they call themselves brave? Because they have not sense enough to be afraid to die. Within the last year the world has produced millions of heroes. Has it produced more than one Inca? [He resumes his seat.]

ERMYNTRUDE. Fortunately not, Captain. I'd rather marry Chips.

THE INCA [making a wry face]. Chips! Oh no: I wouldn't marry Chips.

ERMYNTRUDE. Why?

THE INCA [whispering the secret]. Chips talks too much about himself.

ERMYNTRUDE. Well, what about Snooks?

THE INCA. Snooks? Who is he? Have I a son named Snooks? There are so many--[wearily] so many--that I often forget. [Casually.] But I wouldn't marry him, anyhow, if I were you.

ERMYNTRUDE. But hasn't any of them inherited the family genius?

Surely, if Providence has entrusted them with the care of Perusalem--if they are all descended from Bedrock the Great--THE INCA [interrupting her impatiently]. Madam, if you ask me, Iconsider Bedrock a grossly overrated monarch.

ERMYNTRUDE [shocked]. Oh, Captain! Take care! Incadisparagement.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 十二生肖的黎明

    十二生肖的黎明

    当阴云盘踞苍穹之巅,当仇恨蒙蔽你的双眸,黑暗中,不要踌躇不前,正是这些时代的遗弃者,只能在命运的齿轮下粉身碎骨,沦为俘虏......十二头异界凶兽,十二枚诅咒印记,十二根刑天巨柱,凌驾于法则之上的本源之力!随着神秘组织“影”忽隐忽现,一个又一个亘古谜团浮出水面。死神之翼的诅咒谁说不能被打破?一幅幅古老的壁画,一段段惊心动魄的秘史,还是揭开了不朽的序幕!我坚信,夜再黑,路再长,穷途漫漫无境,遥遥无期,走下去,也终将开辟出破晓的光明!
  • 必知的航天科技(青少年科技爱好培养)

    必知的航天科技(青少年科技爱好培养)

    科学是人类进步的第一推动力,而科学知识的普及则是实现这一推动的必由之路。在新的时代,社会的进步、科技的发展、人们生活水平的不断提高,为我们青少年的科普教育提供了新的契机。抓住这个契机,大力普及科学知识,传播科学精神,提高青少年的科学素质,是我们全社会的重要课题。
  • 总裁,我的心成什么了

    总裁,我的心成什么了

    两年前的他,与她相知相爱,可在这时,他们中间插进来了一个人,他不相信她,她伤心欲绝。两年后,她华丽回归,成为了欧阳家族的大小姐,而他也成为了冰山总裁,他们之间,究竟还会不会回到从前?
  • 双城记

    双城记

    《双城记》是英国作家查尔斯·狄更斯所著的一部以法国大革命为背景所写成的长篇历史小说,情节感人肺腑,是经典世界名著之一,故事中将巴黎、伦敦两个大城市连结起来,围绕着曼奈特医生一家和以德法奇夫妇为首的圣安东尼区展开故事。小说里描写了贵族如何败坏、如何残害百姓,人民心中积压对贵族的刻骨仇恨,导致了不可避免的法国大革命。本书的主要思想是为了爱而自我牺牲,书名中的“双城”指的是巴黎与伦敦。
  • 未经时间洗礼

    未经时间洗礼

    他与她,相遇一场意外,结束于一场洒脱……
  • 神威传

    神威传

    牙璋辞凤阙,铁骑绕龙城。天朝大乱斗,神威显仲勇。十年忘生死,神威百战胜。御弟问所有何欲,怎屑与君共享江山如画?唯与伊人,相守到白头。。。
  • 快穿之虐渣女配

    快穿之虐渣女配

    一世风华绝代的商业女王最后却沦为男女主真爱之路的垫脚石!心怀不甘的她来到了一个全新的世界,一个新的位面,成了女配部的NO.2,遇到了那个陪她走过万千世界的他·····初遇他时,她是他唯一的徒儿,他予她不曾说出口的爱,但她却“心系”渣男,他一举崩坏·····漫漫追妻路,看他与她擦出怎样的爱情火花!!!“顾梓情,想逃?门?连窗都没有!”
  • 方法总比困难多(修订版)

    方法总比困难多(修订版)

    成大事者和平庸之流的根本区别之一就在于他们遇到困难时能否理智对待,主动寻找解决的方法。个人只有敢于挑战,并在困局中突围而出,才能奏出激越雄浑的生命乐章,彰显人性的伟大光辉。大文豪罗曼·罗兰在《约翰·克利斯朵夫》一书的开篇就写道:“真正的光明绝不是永没有黑暗的时间,只是永不被黑暗所掩蔽罢了……所以在你要战胜外来的敌人之前,先得战胜你内在的敌人。”成功的人并非从未遭遇困难,而是他们不曾被困难所征服。
  • 女生宿舍之四人行

    女生宿舍之四人行

    “女人天生就是难缠的动物!”活泼的徐淼说,“宁肯和男生生活在一个鸡窝里,也不要和女人共处在一个圈子里。”然而,生活就是这么有趣,被女子学院录取,但在这样的环境下,她是怎样玩出自己的天地呢。(本文纯属虚构,请勿模仿。)
  • 修改自己

    修改自己

    一个游戏引发的重生,机缘巧合的逆天改命,三年的惩罚又是什么?三年之后又是怎么样的?刘文正一直以为自己是在游戏中,他到什么时候能够醒悟过来呢?又是什么样的事情让他醒悟的呢?人生如游戏,一个不一样的人生在此展开了!