Disturbed slumbers-The bed-post-Two wizards-What can I do?-Real library-The Rev.Mr.Platitude-Toleration to Dissenters-Paradox-Sword of St.Peter-Enemy to humbug-High principles-False concord-The damsel-What religion?-Further conversation-That would never do!-May you prosper.
DURING the greater part of that night my slumbers were disturbed by strange dreams.Amongst other things,I fancied that I was my host;my head appeared to be teeming with wild thoughts and imaginations,out of which I was endeavouring to frame a book.And now the book was finished and given to the world,and the world shouted;and all eyes were turned upon me,and I shrank from the eyes of the world.And,when I got into retired places,I touched various objects in order to baffle the evil chance.In short,during the whole night,I was acting over the story which I had heard before I went to bed.
At about eight o'clock I awoke.The storm had long since passed away,and the morning was bright and shining;my couch was so soft and luxurious that I felt loth to quit it,so I lay some time,my eyes wandering about the magnificent room to which fortune had conducted me in so singular a manner;at last I heaved a sigh;I was thinking of my own homeless condition,and imagining where I should find myself on the following morning.Unwilling,however,to indulge in melancholy thoughts,I sprang out of bed and proceeded to dress myself,and,whilst dressing,I felt an irresistible inclination to touch the bed-post.
I finished dressing and left the room,feeling compelled,however,as I left it,to touch the lintel of the door.Is it possible,thought I,that from what I have lately heard the long-forgotten influence should have possessed me again?but I will not give way to it;so I hurried downstairs,resisting as I went a certain inclination which I occasionally felt to touch the rail of the banister.I was presently upon the gravel walk before the house:
it was indeed a glorious morning.I stood for some time observing the golden fish disporting in the waters of the pond,and then strolled about amongst the noble trees of the park;the beauty and freshness of the morning-for the air had been considerably cooled by the late storm-soon enabled me to cast away the gloomy ideas which had previously taken possession of my mind,and,after a stroll of about half an hour,I returned towards the house in high spirits.It is true that once I felt very much inclined to go and touch the leaves of a flowery shrub which I saw at some distance,and had even moved two or three paces towards it;but,bethinking myself,I manfully resisted the temptation.'Begone!'I exclaimed,'ye sorceries,in which I formerly trusted-begone for ever vagaries which I had almost forgotten;good luck is not to be obtained,or bad averted,by magic touches;besides,two wizards in one parish would be too much,in all conscience.'
I returned to the house,and entered the library;breakfast was laid on the table,and my friend was standing before the portrait which I have already said hung above the mantelpiece;so intently was he occupied in gazing at it that he did not hear me enter,nor was aware of my presence till I advanced close to him and spoke,when he turned round and shook me by the hand.
'What can possibly have induced you to hang up that portrait in your library?it is a staring likeness,it is true,but it appears to me a wretched daub.'
'Daub as you call it,'said my friend,smiling,'I would not part with it for the best piece of Rafael.For many a happy thought Iam indebted to that picture-it is my principal source of inspiration;when my imagination flags,as of course it occasionally does,I stare upon those features,and forthwith strange ideas of fun and drollery begin to flow into my mind;these I round,amplify,or combine into goodly creations,and bring forth as I find an opportunity.It is true that I am occasionally tormented by the thought that,by doing this,I am committing plagiarism;though,in that case,all thoughts must be plagiarisms,all that we think being the result of what we hear,see,or feel.
What can I do?I must derive my thoughts from some source or other;and,after all,it is better to plagiarise from the features of my landlord than from the works of Butler and Cervantes.My works,as you are aware,are of a serio-comic character.My neighbours are of opinion that I am a great reader,and so I am,but only of those features-my real library is that picture.'
'But how did you obtain it?'said I.
'Some years ago a travelling painter came into this neighbourhood,and my jolly host,at the request of his wife,consented to sit for his portrait;she highly admired the picture,but she soon died,and then my fat friend,who is of an affectionate disposition,said he could not bear the sight of it,as it put him in mind of his poor wife.I purchased it of him for five pounds-I would not take five thousand for it;when you called that picture a daub,you did not see all the poetry of it.'
We sat down to breakfast;my entertainer appeared to be in much better spirits than on the preceding day;I did not observe him touch once;ere breakfast was over a servant entered-'The Reverend Mr.Platitude,sir,'said he.
A shade of dissatisfaction came over the countenance of my host.
'What does the silly pestilent fellow mean by coming here?'said he,half to himself;'let him come in,'said he to the servant.
The servant went out,and in a moment reappeared,introducing the Reverend Mr.Platitude.The Reverend Mr.Platitude,having what is vulgarly called a game leg,came shambling into the room;he was about thirty years of age,and about five feet three inches high;his face was of the colour of pepper,and nearly as rugged as a nutmeg-grater;his hair was black;with his eyes he squinted,and grinned with his lips,which were very much apart,disclosing two very irregular rows of teeth;he was dressed in the true Levitical fashion,in a suit of spotless black,and a neckerchief of spotless white.
