登陆注册
14801800000127

第127章

Some time in the afternoon I raised my head, and lookinground and seeing the western sun gilding the sign of its decline on the wall, I asked, “What am I to do?”But the answer my mind gave—“Leave Thornfield at once”—was so prompt, so dread, that I stopped my ears. I said I could not bear such words now. “That I am not Edward Rochester’s bride is the least part of my woe,” I alleged:“that I have wakened out of most glorious dreams, and found them all void and vain, is a horror I could bear and master; but that I must leave him decidedly, instantly, entirely, is intolerable. I cannot do it.”

But, then, a voice within me averred that I could do it and foretold that I should do it. I wrestled with my own resolution: I wanted to be weak that I might avoid the awful passage of further suffering I saw laid out for me; and Conscience, turned tyrant, held Passion by the throat, told her tauntingly, she had yet but dipped her dainty foot in the slough, and swore that with that arm of iron he would thrust her down to unsounded depths of agony.

“Let me be torn away,” then I cried. “Let another help me!”

“No; you shall tear yourself away, none shall help you: you shall yourself pluck out your right eye; yourself cut off your right hand:your heart shall be the victim, and you the priest to transfix it.”

I rose up suddenly, terror-struck at the solitude which so ruthless a judge haunted,—at the silence which so awful a voice filled. My head swam as I stood erect. I perceived that I was sickening from excitement and inanition; neither meat nor drink had passed my lips that day, for I had taken no breakfast. And, with a strange pang, I now reflected that, long as I had been shut up here, no message had been sent to ask how I was, or to invite me to come down: not even little Adèle had tapped at the door; not even Mrs. Fairfax had sought me. “Friends always forget those whom fortune forsakes,” I murmured, as I undrew the bolt and passed out. I stumbled over an obstacle: my head was still dizzy, my sight was dim, and my limbs were feeble. I could not soon recover myself. I fell, but not on to the ground: an outstretched arm caught me. I looked up—I was supported by Mr. Rochester, who sat in a chair across my chamber threshold.

“You come out at last,” he said. “Well, I have been waiting for you long, and listening: yet not one movement have I heard, nor one sob: five minutes more of that death-like hush, and I should have forced the lock like a burglar. So you shun me?—you shut yourself up and grieve alone! I would rather you had come and upbraided me with vehemence. You are passionate. I expected a scene of some kind. I was prepared for the hot rain of tears; only I wanted them to be shed on my breast: now a senseless floor has received them, or your drenched handkerchief. But I err: you have not wept at all! I see a white cheek and a faded eye, but no trace of tears. I suppose, then, your heart has been weeping blood?”

“Well, Jane! not a word of reproach? Nothing bitter—nothing poignant? Nothing to cut a feeling or sting a passion? You sit quietly where I have placed you, and regard me with a weary, passive look.”

“Jane, I never meant to wound you thus. If the man who had but one little ewe lamb that was dear to him as a daughter, that ate of his bread and drank of his cup, and lay in his bosom, had by some mistake slaughtered it at the shambles, he would not have rued his bloody blunder more than I now rue mine. Will you ever forgive me?”

Reader, I forgave him at the moment and on the spot. There was such deep remorse in his eye, such true pity in his tone, such manly energy in his manner; and besides, there was such unchanged love in his whole look and mien—I forgave him all: yet not in words, not outwardly; only at my heart’s core.

“You know I am a scoundrel, Jane?” ere long he inquired wistfully—wondering, I suppose, at my continued silence and tameness, the result rather of weakness than of will.

“Yes, sir.”

“Then tell me so roundly and sharply—don’t spare me.”

“I cannot: I am tired and sick. I want some water.” He heaved a sort of shuddering sigh, and taking me in his arms, carried me downstairs. At first I did not know to what room he had borne me;all was cloudy to my glazed sight: presently I felt the reviving warmth of a fire; for, summer as it was, I had become icy cold in my chamber. He put wine to my lips; I tasted it and revived; then I ate something he offered me, and was soon myself. I was in the library—sitting in his chair—he was quite near. “If I could go out of life now, without too sharp a pang, it would be well for me,” I thought;“then I should not have to make the effort of cracking my heart-strings in rending them from among Mr. Rochester’s. I must leave him, it appears. I do not want to leave him—I cannot leave him.”

“How are you now, Jane?”

“Much better, sir; I shall be well soon.”

“Taste the wine again, Jane.”

I obeyed him; then he put the glass on the table, stood before me, and looked at me attentively. Suddenly he turned away, with an inarticulate exclamation, full of passionate emotion of some kind; he walked fast through the room and came back; he stooped towards me as if to kiss me; but I remembered caresses were now forbidden. I turned my face away and put his aside.

“What!—How is this?” he exclaimed hastily. “Oh, I know! you won’t kiss the husband of Bertha Mason? You consider my arms filled and my embraces appropriated?”

“At any rate, there is neither room nor claim for me, sir.”

“Why, Jane? I will spare you the trouble of much talking; I will answer for you—Because I have a wife already, you would reply.—I guess rightly?”

“Yes.”

同类推荐
  • 周易参同契注·朱熹

    周易参同契注·朱熹

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 上清黄书过度仪

    上清黄书过度仪

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 西樵语业

    西樵语业

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 高峰乔松亿禅师语录

    高峰乔松亿禅师语录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 革除遗事

    革除遗事

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 封剑决

    封剑决

    抽剑,抽出的是万古一现;挥剑,斩尽的是红尘不见;回念,思念的是不堪情决。萧意乱,念己绝;封尘天,不如夜。持此一剑,封剑!
  • 武道医尊

    武道医尊

    海到尽头天做岸,山登绝顶我为峰!有朝一日我出头,我要天下唯我尊!
  • 古宅画情

    古宅画情

    连娜娜,四幅画,乔家古宅;你连公交车都没坐过?没有,以后你陪我坐就好了。我们...是不是很久之前就认识?也许吧,在黄泉路上,三生石旁,奈何桥下...
  • 最强提炼系统

    最强提炼系统

    什么你武功大师,抱歉我武功宗师。你是学霸,呵呵劳资学帝,你身价百亿,嗯这是一百亿我家缺个保洁。看唐杰如何变成最强。
  • 凋灵

    凋灵

    情何时凋零?在不敢去爱的时候。人何时凋零?在不敢去闯的时候。梦何时凋零?在不敢去想的时候。即使感情抛弃我,我也要勇敢的面对!即使命运玩弄我,我也要勇敢的闯荡!即使梦想嘲笑我,我也要勇敢的憧憬!
  • 校草你好坏:恶魔专属小甜心

    校草你好坏:恶魔专属小甜心

    把眼睛闭上,屏住呼吸,你的声音,你的笑容,你帅气的脸庞就像夜空中最闪耀的星光,温柔地照进我的心里,遇见你,我已经被你吸引,无法自拔。你从樱花雨里走来,从此,我仿佛陷入了柔软的宛若棉花糖一样的梦境里。我想要大声唱出所有我爱你的歌词,我想要你无时无刻都在我的身边保护我,我想要张开翅膀飞地很高,在掉下来,然后你用你结实的,温暖的怀抱稳稳当当地接住我,我想要从你的眼里,看出你对我的爱。我知道某一天,你会在花瓣雨中告诉我,你会全心全意的爱我……【推荐我另一本文《星的少女:双子座女孩》群号:618646106】
  • 人言圣威

    人言圣威

    知识就是力量,在这个史诗大陆上尤为可见。你听过嘴炮毁天灭地么?你见过吹牛万人跪拜么?你看过大话连篇的史诗巨著么?就是这本了。
  • 7天打造顶尖店长

    7天打造顶尖店长

    店长是企业提高业绩和管理水平的关键,也是贯彻服务宗旨的前锋,尤其在连锁企业中备受重视.与市场上其他的管理者培训图书相比,本书操作性较强,内容涵盖面大,行文通俗等,可作为系统培训的教材,也非常适合店长们的自我培训。
  • 放开玄离眼

    放开玄离眼

    左眼里的宿主对他说:“小鬼啊,你这双完美的眼睛简直可以让我在此获得重生了。渺小,脆弱不堪的你摒弃渺小脆弱不堪的人界吧,放眼到人界之外的成千上万个异界中去吧,放开你那伟大的双眼!”结果不出几年之内他在异界征战中,征服了的异界一个连着一个。那双眼看透了一切物质变幻,时间与空间,森罗万象,历历在目!右眼吸收一切物质与吞噬魂魄如黑洞的贪婪,左眼操控一切心灵与穿越时空似游鱼般自如!!占据了太阳本体所在的“离恨天界”,与太阴本体所在的“玄天地界”之后,便龙袍加身,自居玄离大帝,,,自大,癫狂,目中无人!是神,是帝,一眼万年!但是,目空一切之时,也是,,,,
  • 武创万世

    武创万世

    太古之前,人族鼎盛,十二守护天柱屹立诸天,镇压万古。万族大劫,天柱崩塌,人族气运衰退实力骤减,遭受欺压。武道盛世,天骄齐出;纪末乱世,邪巫入侵。在这盛世与乱世交织的时代,人族十二守护体应运而生,重现世间。一名曰凌夜尘的神异少年自浩瀚众生域中逆天崛起,以无敌姿态与十二守护者威震宙宇。横扫太古万族,纵横邪巫战场,开创万世新纪元。