Handel, my good fellow;' though he spoke in this light tone, he was very much in earnest: `I have been thinking since we have been talking with our feet on this fender, that Estella surely cannot be a condition of your inheritance, if she was never referred to by your guardian. Am I right in so understanding what you have told me, as that he never referred to her, directly or indirectly, in any way? Never even hinted, for instance, that your patron might have views as to your marriage ultimately?'
`Never.'
`Now, Handel, I am quite free from the flavour of sour grapes, upon my soul and honour! Not being bound to her, can you not detach yourself from her? - I told you I should be disagreeable.'
I turned my head aside, for, with a rush and a sweep, like the old marsh winds coming up from the sea, a feeling like that which had subdued me on the morning when I left the forge, when the mists were solemnly rising, and when I laid my hand upon the village finger-post, smote upon my heart again. There was silence between us for a little while.
`Yes; but my dear Handel,' Herbert went on, as if we had been talking instead of silent, `its having been so strongly rooted in the breast of a boy whom nature and circumstances made so romantic, renders it very serious.
Think of her bringing-up, and think of Miss Havisham. Think of what she is herself (now I am repulsive and you abominate me). This may lead to miserable things.'
`I know it, Herbert,' said I, with my head still turned away, `but Ican't help it.'
`You can't detach yourself?'
`No. Impossible!'
`You can't try, Handel?'
`No. Impossible!'
`Well!' said Herbert, getting up with a lively shake as if he had been asleep, and stirring the fire; `now I'll endeavour to make myself agreeable again!'
So he went round the room and shook the curtains out, put the chairs in their places, tidied the books and so forth that were lying about, looked into the hall, peeped into the letter-box, shut the door, and came back to his chair by the fire: where he sat down, nursing his left leg in both arms.
`I was going to say a word or two, Handel, concerning my father and my father's son. I am afraid it is scarcely necessary for my father's son to remark that my father's establishment is not particularly brilliant in its housekeeping.'
`There is always plenty, Herbert,' said I: to say something encouraging.
`Oh yes! and so the dustman says, I believe, with the strongest approval, and so does the marine-store shop in the back street. Gravely, Handel, for the subject is grave enough, you know how it is, as well as I do. Isuppose there was a time once when my father had not given matters up;but if ever there was, the time is gone. May I ask you if you have ever had an opportunity of remarking, down in your part of the country, that the children of not exactly suitable marriages, are always most particularly anxious to be married?'
This was such a singular question, that I asked him in return, `Is it so?'
`I don't know,' said Herbert, `that's what I want to know. Because it is decidedly the case with us. My poor sister Charlotte who was next me and died before she was fourteen, was a striking example. Little Jane is the same. In her desire to be matrimonially established, you might suppose her to have passed her short existence in the perpetual contemplation of domestic bliss. Little Alick in a frock has already made arrangements for his union with a suitable young person at Kew. And indeed, I think we are all engaged, except the baby.'
`Then you are?' said I.
`I am,' said Herbert; `but it's a secret.'
I assured him of my keeping the secret, and begged to be favoured with further particulars. He had spoken so sensibly and feelingly of my weakness that I wanted to know something about his strength.
`May I ask the name?' I said.
`Name of Clara,' said Herbert.
`Live in London?'
`Yes. perhaps I ought to mention,' said Herbert, who had become curiously crestfallen and meek, since we entered on the interesting theme, `that she is rather below my mother's nonsensical family notions. Her father had to do with the victualling of passenger-ships. I think he was a species of purser.'
`What is he now?' said I.
`He's an invalid now,' replied Herbert.
`Living on - ?'
`On the first floor,' said Herbert. Which was not at all what I meant, for I had intended my question to apply to his means. `I have never seen him, for he has always kept his room overhead, since I have known Clara.
But I have heard him constantly. He makes tremendous rows - roars, and pegs at the floor with some frightful instrument.' In looking at me and then laughing heartily, Herbert for the time recovered his usual lively manner.
`Don't you expect to see him?' said I.
`Oh yes, I constantly expect to see him,' returned Herbert, `because I never hear him, without expecting him to come tumbling through the ceiling.
But I don't know how long the rafters may hold.'
When he had once more laughed heartily, he became meek again, and told me that the moment he began to realize Capital, it was his intention to marry this young lady. He added as a self-evident proposition, engendering low spirits, `But you can't marry, you know, while you're looking about you.'
As we contemplated the fire, and as I thought what a difficult vision to realize this same Capital sometimes was, I put my hands in my pockets.
A folded piece of paper in one of them attracting my attention, I opened it and found it to be the playbill I had received from Joe, relative to the celebrated provincial amateur of Roscian renown. `And bless my heart,'
I involuntarily added aloud, `it's to-night!'
This changed the subject in an instant, and made us hurriedly resolve to go to the play. So, when I had pledged myself to comfort and abet Herbert in the affair of his heart by all practicable and impracticable means, and when Herbert had told me that his affianced already knew me by reputation and that I should be presented to her, and when we had warmly shaken hands upon our mutual confidence, we blew out our candles, made up our fire, locked our door, and issued forth in quest of Mr Wopsle and Denmark.
