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第13章 Welcome to Our Home欢迎来到我们的家

早安心语

Don'say you don'have a choice,perhaps,at the next intersection and you'll see hope.

不要急着说你别无选择,也许在下个路口你就会遇见希望。

By Daniel McGary

Those first few weeks at Ms.Dorothy's house are forever seared into my mind.I recall the first time I walked through her front door,tripping over a mat situated just beyond the entrance.I found myself sharing the floor with that mat,brightly labeled“welcome to our home.”Standing to see the group of people I'd been told were my new family,I found myself unable to face them.Instead,I looked down at the floor,at a mat that tormented me with words I didn't want to read.

Welcome to their home.Welcome to their lives.Welcome to their rooms and their toys and their mother.All theirs,but I didn't want theirs-I had my own.I longed for my home.

For my life.For my room and my toys,but most of all,for my mother.

I stood there,head hung low,as Ms.Dorothy introduced me to Dartanian and Sylvia,my new foster siblings.They showed no more interest in me than I did in them.They too were veterans of“the system.”They understood,just as I did,that brothers and sisters,mothers and fathers,they change.Tomorrow,or next week,or in a month if it lasted that long,there would be a new family.So we had shells,all of us,fortified by one move after another,strengthened by betrayal and disappointment.

As though infectious,my silence became theirs.I lifted my head,looking first at Dartanian,then at Sylvia.Their eyes were as empty as my own,and their hearts,I knew,were just as hollow.

In the following days,I went through the usual routine that comes with a new home:a new school,a new doctor,a new therapist.New people who would tell me the same things.New places that would soon be forgotten.The days went on as usual,but with the nights came change.

More than a week passed before it occurred to me that I hadn't been crying at bedtime.

For several years,that had been my routine.I kept everything inside during the day,suppressing thoughts of my family and my old life.At night,I relived my fondest memories:swimming in the red river with my older brothers,chasing my sisters with bullfrogs and crickets,sitting in my mother's lap as we rocked back and forth in that old wooden rocking chair,singing songs about babies in treetops and diamond rings that didn't shine.

I felt guilty for neglecting my nightly routine.In penitence,I brought to mind those memories I held closest to my heart.

I was obliged to make up for the tears I'd so carelessly forgotten to shed.I felt that I'd betrayed my family in failing to lament their absence.To my dismay,no tears or overwhelming sadness accompanied the memories I replayed in my mind.This was not acceptable.I didn't know why at the time,but I simply had to cry.I had to suffer.

Despite thinking of things that previously elicited a torrent of tears,I could not cry.I know now what I did not know then.The tears and the mourning,and the consistency to which I applied my suffering,were ways of holding onto a family that I knew deep inside were lost to me forever.

By crying,I kept myself emotionally attached to a group of people who were unable to reciprocate my affections.My emotions were so firmly rooted in the past that I was unable to experience happiness in the present.

That night,as I lay in bed,I took my first step onto a long path of healing and self-discovery.It is a sad truth that sometimes,though frighteningly difficult,we must relinquish parts of our past to live happily in the present.

李起 编译

在多萝西女士家中最初那几周的情景永远铭刻于我的脑海。我回想起自己第一次穿过她的前门,轻快地走过位于入口处的一张地席时的样子,我发现自己同那张鲜亮地标注着“欢迎来到我们的家”的席子一起分享着地板。我站在那儿看到一群人,据说他们是我的新家人,我发现自己无法面对他们。于是,我低头望着地板,望着用我不愿读的字折磨我的地席。

欢迎来到他们的家、欢迎融入他们的生活、欢迎进入他们的房间、欢迎玩他们的玩具、欢迎投入他们母亲的怀抱——一切都属于他们。但我不想要他们的东西,我有过属于自己的一切。我渴望能有自己的家、自己的生活、自己的房间及自己的玩具,但我最渴望的是有自己的母亲。

当多萝西女士将我介绍给达塔妮安与西尔维娅——我的新姊妹时,我站在那儿,垂着头。她们对我并没有流露出比我对他们更多的兴趣,她们太熟悉这种“家庭体系”了。同我一样,她们明白兄妹、父母都会改变。明天,或下周,或1个月后——如果持续那么久,一个新的家庭就将形成。所以,我们都有一个外壳,所有人都有——因不断地有人离开而设防,因背弃与失望而愈加坚固。

就像感染一样,我的沉默变成了他们的沉默。我抬起头,先看了看达塔妮安,然后看了看西尔维娅。他们的眼神与我一样空洞,我相信他们的内心也与我一样空虚。

此后的几天,我经历着伴随一个新家庭带来的一切常规:一所新学校、一个新医生、一个新治疗专家。新结识的人将告诉我同样的事,新处所很快将被忘记,白天如往常一样进行,夜晚却改变了。

一个多星期过去了,我才突然想起睡觉时自己未曾流泪。

几年来,那一直是我的惯例。白天,我将一切都埋藏于心中,强忍着不去想家人及以往的生活。夜晚,我释放自己最愉快的回忆:与哥哥一起在红河中畅游、与牛蛙及蟋蟀一起追逐姐姐们、在那张旧的木制摇椅上来回摇时,我坐在妈妈的腿上唱《树梢上的婴儿》及《不闪光的钻戒》之类的歌曲。

我为自己疏忽了每晚的惯例感到内疚。忏悔中,我想起那些紧抱于心中的记忆。我有义务弥补因粗心而忘记流下的眼泪。因为忘记痛惜他们的缺席,我感到已经背弃了家人。令我失望的是,泪水及难以抑制的悲伤已不再与那些在脑海中重温的记忆相伴相随。这令人无法接受。那时,我不懂是为什么,但觉得必须哭。我必须痛苦。

尽管想起那些曾经会令我泪流满面的事情,但我不再哭泣。此时,我懂得了那时不明白的事。我用于表达痛苦的泪水、悲伤及其强度是我留住深知永远失去了的一家人的方式。借助哭泣,我一直把感情寄托在一群无法回报我的爱的人身上。我的感情牢牢扎根于过往,于是我无法体会当下的幸福。

那晚躺在床上,我在漫长的心灵康复及自我发现之路上迈出了第一步。令人难过的事实是,有时尽管极其困难,但为了当下幸福的生活,我们有时不得不放弃曾经的种种!

轻英语

外出旅游英语必备(2)

1.I'l keep my fingers crossed for you.我将为你祈祷。

2.One boy is a boy;two boys half boy;three boys no boy.一个和尚挑水吃,两个和尚抬水吃,三个和尚没水吃。

3.Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.不要杞人忧天。

4.Did you get the picture?你明白了没有?

5.Be back in thirty minutes!一定要在三十分钟内回来!

6.Time is running out.没时间了。

7.To the best of my knowledge...就我所知……

8.Don'let me down.别让我失望。

9.You'l get it soon.你很快也会的。

10.Pick up the pace.快点。

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