登陆注册
5257900000066

第66章 英文(35)

The afternoon was more bearable. Immediately after lunch there arrived a delicate, difficult piece of work which would take several hours and necessitated putting everything else aside. It consisted in falsifying a series of production reports of two years ago, in such a way as to cast discredit on a prominent member of the Inner Party, who was now under a cloud. This was the kind of thing that Winston was good at, and for more than two hours he succeeded in shutting the girl out of his mind altogether. Then the memory of her face came back, and with it a raging, intolerable desire to be alone. Until he could be alone it was impossible to think this new development out. Tonight was one of his nights at the Community Centre. He wolfed another tasteless meal in the canteen, hurried off to the Centre, took part in the solemn foolery of a “discussion group”, played two games of table tennis, swallowed several glasses of gin, and sat for half an hour through a lecture entitled “Ingsoc in relation to chess”. His soul writhed with boredom, but for once he had had no impulse to shirk his evening at the Centre. At the sight of the words the desire to stay alive had welled up in him, and the taking of minor risks suddenly seemed stupid. It was not till twenty-three hours, when he was home and in bed — in the darkness, where you were safe even from the telescreen so long as you kept silent — that he was able to think continuously.

It was a physical problem that had to be solved: how to get in touch with the girl and arrange a meeting. He did not consider any longer the possibility that she might be laying some kind of trap for him. He knew that it was not so, because of her unmistakable agitation when she handed him the note. Obviously she had been frightened out of her wits, as well she might be. Nor did the idea of refusing her advances even cross his mind. Only five nights ago he had contemplated smashing her skull in with a cobblestone, but that was of no importance. He thought of her naked, youthful body, as he had seen it in his dream. He had imagined her a fool like all the rest of them, her head stuffed with lies and hatred, her belly full of ice. A kind of fever seized him at the thought that he might lose her, the white youthful body might slip away from him! What he feared more than anything else was that she would simply change her mind if he did not get in touch with her quickly. But the physical difficulty of meeting was enormous. It was like trying to make a move at chess when you were already mated. Whichever way you turned, the telescreen faced you. Actually, all the possible ways of communicating with her had occurred to him within five minutes of reading the note; but now, with time to think, he went over them one by one, as though laying out a row of instruments on a table.

Obviously the kind of encounter that had happened this morning could not be repeated. If she had worked in the Records Department it might have been comparatively simple, but he had only a very dim idea whereabouts in the building the Fiction Departrnent lay, and he had no pretext for going there. If he had known where she lived, and at what time she left work, he could have contrived to meet her somewhere on her way home; but to try to follow her home was not safe, because it would mean loitering about outside the Ministry, which was bound to be noticed. As for sending a letter through the mails, it was out of the question. By a routine that was not even secret, all letters were opened in transit. Actually, few people ever wrote letters. For the messages that it was occasionally necessary to send, there were printed postcards with long lists of phrases, and you struck out the ones that were inapplicable. In any case he did not know the girl’s name, let alone her address. Finally he decided that the safest place was the canteen. If he could get her at a table by herself, somewhere in the middle of the room, not too near the telescreens, and with a sufficient buzz of conversation all round — if these conditions endured for, say, thirty seconds, it might be possible to exchange a few words.

For a week after this, life was like a restless dream. On the next day she did not appear in the canteen until he was leaving it, the whistle having already blown. Presumably she had been changed on to a later shift. They passed each other without a glance. On the day after that she was in the canteen at the usual time, but with three other girls and immediately under a telescreen. Then for three dreadful days she did not appear at all. His whole mind and body seemed to be afflicted with an unbearable sensitivity, a sort of transparency, which made every movement, every sound, every contact, every word that he had to speak or listen to, an agony. Even in sleep he could not altogether escape from her image. He did not touch the diary during those days. If there was any relief, it was in his work, in which he could sometimes forget himself for ten minutes at a stretch. He had absolutely no clue as to what had happened to her. There was no enquiry he could make. She might have been vaporized, she might have committed suicide, she might have been transferred to the other end of Oceania: worst and likeliest of all, she might simply have changed her mind and decided to avoid him.

同类推荐
  • 欢喜冤家谈恋爱

    欢喜冤家谈恋爱

    “别哭啊媳妇,你看我真的只爱你一个人,我这人嘴花心不花的,保证以后只对你一个人好,你可不能见异思迁谋杀亲夫啊!”我一拳打过去:“谁是你媳妇!”
  • 金钟传

    金钟传

    《金仲传》是一部极力宣扬孝悌思想的所谓“劝善”、“醒世”的小说。作品以江南上元县举人李金华与历经磨难、以至沦落风尘的延安府贺旌之女贺淑媛的婚姻为基本线索展开故事情节,反映了当时天津、北京等地的社会风情。
  • 东线

    东线

    本书描写的是发生在朝鲜战场的故事。小说描写了我军指战员在战场上浴血奋战的场面。在朝鲜战场的东线,尚志英带领他的战士们正迎接敌人的到来。本书所描写的战争场面气势宏大,刻画人物的心理过程细腻深刻。在敌人和我军的一次次交锋中展现了我军战士的大无畏的精神。
  • 农村兵

    农村兵

    《农村兵》由李治山编著。在一个大雪初晴的冬天,无定河畔的四个农村青年参军进入塞北高原的贺兰山。自此,他们的生活、爱情和事业都面临着种种的选择。而《农村兵》主人公李应高更是经历了退役、入狱、逃跑、被开除、挖煤等种种磨难……
  • 谈诗说情

    谈诗说情

    一个是粉壁题诗,一个是破镜重圆,一个是玉枕难眠,一个是以死殉情,好像天下有情人的磨难永远走不完……世情薄,人情恶,雨送黄昏花易落;晚风干,泪痕残,欲传心事,独倚斜栏,难、难、难。人成各,今非昨,病魂常似秋千索;角声寒,夜阑珊,怕人询问,咽泪装欢,瞒、瞒、瞒。
热门推荐
  • 赠送礼物要诀(新农村建设青年文库)

    赠送礼物要诀(新农村建设青年文库)

    花儿有语亦有情,鲜花更是幸福、友好、和平的象征。它不仅以其绚丽色彩、绰约风姿与馥郁芳香,给人以美的享受;而且还具有“情感色彩”和独特的美学魅力,是增进友谊、传递情感的联系纽带,在人际交往中起着“情感使者”的作用。
  • 佛说十二游经

    佛说十二游经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 快穿:美满人生,走起

    快穿:美满人生,走起

    【1V1甜宠】某筱笑着道:“司命老儿,来来来,咱们来谈谈人生~”司命星君看着笑着的某筱,哭丧着脸颤巍巍的移动着……某筱看着龟速向这边移动的司命星君,斜眼看着,道:“啧啧啧……你这速度,是要抢神龟他家的饭碗还是怎么的~”司命星君腿颤的更厉害了。某筱接着道:“你倒说说看,我和我家相公是做了什么惹天怒地的事儿还是怎么的,怎么之前每一世都不是早死、惨死就是家破人亡的呢?嗯?”......地上满身伤的某老儿吞了药丸忍痛道:“听说时空星君最近开发了系统,大约能改命......”
  • 道图腾

    道图腾

    严肃的道士李云、平和茅山道士王江和欢乐逗x的东北人阴间判官何山在一天晚上偶遇,后成为抗魔铁三角,在人们的背后维持着社会平安的秩序……
  • 末世之后宫太大不好惹

    末世之后宫太大不好惹

    这是一个单纯傲娇大小姐因为逃脱不了女主的光环,被弄死以后知道了因为灵魂的孤寂,慢慢让她想清楚以后回到了一切还没开始前。本文是末世后宫文,名字就可以看出来,文里有黑暗,有背叛,但是坚持无男主不动摇,那些女主的后宫呢有可能这本完了我还会写下一本,下一本里应该会有。还有本人知道自己写的不好,不喜勿喷,请点X
  • 仙路千寻

    仙路千寻

    仙路大千,苦寻一途,觅觅而行,道载春秋!
  • 卢俊义传奇

    卢俊义传奇

    他有一个名满天下的师父——周侗;他有一个武功盖世的师弟——林冲;他有一个声名狼藉的师弟——史文恭;他还有一个声振寰宇的小师弟——岳飞;他就是北宋末年武林第一人——‘玉麒麟’卢俊义。卢俊义上梁山之前,在江湖上也曾是个名动一时的人物,那是他的少年岁月,其中许多精彩的故事慢慢呈现……
  • 卡耐基职场说话行为艺术

    卡耐基职场说话行为艺术

    如何说服你的上司,如何统御你的下属?本书运用卡耐基的心理战术、哲学和理念,教你善用语言的魔术建立良好的职场关系。
  • 倾世女权:三千宠爱于一身

    倾世女权:三千宠爱于一身

    中文系女大学生误入明朝初年,成为无父无母的寄养女。舅舅家遭遇虐毒舅母,心机堂妹,苦不堪言。嫁夫为妾,本想安稳过日,怎料丈夫为了仕途将其拱手赠人。心碎,孤单,让她心灰意冷。“天下男人每一个好东西!我要让他们付出代价!”她变了……
  • 乌殇季

    乌殇季

    每个人心中都有一座江湖,是否愿意同我一起看看这座与众不同的江湖