登陆注册
4911200000074

第74章 RECORD EIGHTEEN(2)

Here a thought occurred to me. If that world is only my own, why should I tell about it in these records? Why should I recount all these absurd "dreams" about closets, endless corridors? With great sorrow I notice that! instead of a correct and strictly mathematical poem in honor of the United State I am writing a fantastic novel, Oh! if only it were a novel and not my actual life, full of X"s, square roots of minus one, and downfalls! Yet all may be.for the best. Probably you., my unknown readers, are children still as compared with us. We are brought up by the united State; consequently we have reached the highest summits attainable by man. And you, being children, may swallow without crying all the bitter things I am to give you only if they be coated with the syrup of adventures.

The Same Evening

Are you familiar with the following sensation? You are in an aero and you dash upward along a blue spiral line; the window is open and the wind rushes past your face, whistling, There is no earth. The earth is forgotten. The earth is as far from you as Venus, Saturn, or Jupiter. That is how I live now. A hurricane wind beats into my face; I forget the earth, forget rosy, dear O-90, Yet the earth does exist, and sooner or later I must plane down to that earth; only I close my eyes to avoid seeing the date at which the name O-90 is written on my Tables.

This evening the distant earth reminded me of itself. In order to fulfill the recommendation of the doctor (I desire sincerely, most sincerely I desire, to be cured), I wandered for two hours and eight minutes over the straight lines of the deserted avenues. Everybody was in the auditoriums, in accordance with the Table. Only I, cut off from the rest, I was alone. Strictly speaking, it was a very unnatural situation. Imagine a finger cut off from the whole, from the hand; a separate human finger, somewhat hunched, running over the glass sidewalk. I was such a finger. What seemed most strange and unnatural was that the finger had no desire to be with its hand, with its fellows. I want either to be alone or with her; to transfuse my whole being into hers through a contact with her shoulder or through our interwoven fingers.

I came home as the sun was setting. The pink dust of evening was covering the glass of the walls, the golden peak of the Accumulating Tower, the voices and smiles of the Numbers. Isn"t it strange: the passing rays of the evening sun fall to the earth at the same angle as the awakening rays of the morning, yet they make everything seem so different; the pink tinge is different. At sunset it is so quiet, somewhat melancholy; at sunrise it is resounding, boisterous.

When I entered the hall downstairs I saw U-, the controller. She took a letter from the heaps of envelopes covered with pink dust and handed it to me. I repeat: she is a very respectable woman, and I am sure she has only the very best feelings toward me. Yet, every time I see those cheeks hanging down, which look like the gills of a fish, I ...

Holding out her dry hand with the letter, U- sighed. But that sigh only very slightly moved in me the curtains which separate me from the rest of the world. I was completely engrossed by the envelope which trembled in my hand. I had no doubt that it was a letter from I-330.

At that moment I heard another sigh, such a deliberate one, underscored with two lines, that I raised my eyes from the envelope and saw a tender, cloudy smile coming from between the gills, through the bashful blinds of lowered eyes. And then:

"You poor, poor dear!" A sigh underscored with three lines, and a glance at the letter, an imperceptible glance. (What was in the letter she naturally knew, ex officio.)

"No, really? ...Why?"

"No, no, dear, I know better than you. For a long time I have watched you, and I see that you need someone with years of experience of life to accompany you.

I felt all pasted around by her smile. It was like a plaster upon the wounds which were to be inflicted upon me by the letter I held in my hand. Finally, through the bashful blinds of her eyes, she said in a very low voice: "I shall think about it, dear. I shall think it over. And be sure that if I feel myself strong enough..."

"Great Well-Doer! Is it possible that is my lot? ... Is it possible that she means to say, that she?... "

My eyes were dimmed and filled with thousands of sinusoids; the letter was trembling. I went near the light to the wall. There the light of the sun was going out; from the sun the dark, sad, pink dust was falling thicker and thicker, covering the floor, my hands, the letter. I opened the envelope and found the signature as fast as I could— the first wound! It was not I-330; it was O-90! And another wound: in the right-hand corner a slovenly splash, a blot! I cannot bear blots. It matters little whether they are made by ink or by...Well, it doesn"t matter by what. Heretofore, such a blot would have had only a disagreeable effect, disagreeable to the eyes; but now—why did that small gray blot seem like a cloud, and seem to spread about me a leaden, bluish darkness? Or was it again the "soul" at work? Here is a transcript of the letter:

You know, or perhaps you don"t...I cannot write well. Little it matters! Now you know that without you there is for me not a single day, a single morning, a single spring, for R- is only ...Well, that is of no importance to you. At any rate, I am very grateful to him, for without him, alone all these days, I don"t know what would...During these last few days and nights I have lived through ten years, or perhaps twenty years. My room seemed to me not square but round; I walk around without end, round after round, always the same thing, not a door to escape through. I cannot live without you because I love you; and I should not, I cannot be with you any more because I love you! Because I see and I understand that you need no one now, no one in the world save that other, and you must realize that it is precisely because I love you that I must...

I need another two or three days in order to paste together the fragments of myself and thus restore at least something similar to the O-90 of old. Then I shall go myself, and I myself shall state that I take your name from my list, and this will be better for you; you must feel happy now. I shall never again... Good-by, O-.

Never again. Yes, that is better. She is right. But why, then? ...Why, then?...

同类推荐
  • 五凤吟

    五凤吟

    小说叙述明嘉靖年间,浙江宁波府定海县乡宦之子祝琼与友郑飞英、平君赞一同读书,吟诗作赋,与县尹邹公之女雪娥一见钟情,私订婚盟;祝琼又与雪娥婢素梅、轻烟狎戏……描写琪生与五女子之间的艳异情事。
  • 双规

    双规

    能源部副部长前秘书(正处级)赵源升官了,他被派往设在上江市的能源局担任副书记兼纪委书记(副厅局级)。上任伊始,他与加拿大妙龄女郎的绯闻便不胫而走,沸沸扬扬。好在清者自清,赵源在危机公关和和角色意识方面迅速上位,摆在他面前的状况是:副局长觊觎正局长位子——官位之争;上江市委书记操控油品公司——官场黑洞;情人分道扬镳——情感荒漠;而更要命的是,能源局内部的改制也陷入僵局。面对一团乱麻的工作,赵源如何打开局面?上江市委书记被双规、双规期间又脱逃成为他打开局面的突破口
  • 罪档案:焚心祭

    罪档案:焚心祭

    江京市豪华会所“潇湘”第一天开张即遭劫持。劫匪向闻讯赶到现场的警队巴渝生提出的唯一条件,是要女心理师那兰前来谈判,而那兰却在劫案发生前,与记者朋友郭子放受神秘人邀请,进入了“潇湘”错综复杂的建筑群。正当大家一筹莫展之际,“潇湘”会所爆炸,三人当场死亡,人质纷纷跳楼逃生。但令巴渝生困惑不解的是,除了当场被炸死的劫匪,其他两名劫匪竟消失得无影无踪,幸存人质们的说法都各自破绽百出,唯一与劫匪谈判过的那兰更是陷入了昏迷状态…… 《焚心祭》是“罪档案”系列长篇悬疑小说的第四部。
  • 最后一个镜头

    最后一个镜头

    当今中国,悬念故事已成为继言情、武侠之后,又一轮通俗文学的热潮阅读文本,更是青少年朋友成长的阅读焦点。眼下的图书市场,也要数这类书刊最走俏了。
  • 大宋中兴通俗演义

    大宋中兴通俗演义

    大宋中兴通俗演义(又名《大宋演义中兴英烈传》、《武穆王演义》,写岳飞出身,立志精忠报国,驰骋沙场,身先士卒,骁勇无比,后来被秦桧陷害,死后显灵,秦桧冥司遭报、以告慰岳飞忠魂的故事。此书结构完整,编年记事详实,对后世有关岳飞题材的小说戏曲创作,影响深远。
热门推荐
  • 我的老公是影帝

    我的老公是影帝

    失业在家的英楠被闺蜜宋玉推荐,到承天娱乐公司给当红艺人肖旭做助理。原本以为只是一份普通的工作,却不想早已被卷进阴谋之中。面对男友的利用,闺蜜的背叛,同事的算计......英楠又该何去何从?
  • 海贼王之可可

    海贼王之可可

    可可知道,她必须要一直走下去,因为她背负的,从来都不只是她一个人!海贼王,非穿越。
  • 邪瞳:绝世召唤师

    邪瞳:绝世召唤师

    时空错乱,异世重生,一早出世,纷争四起,一朝入魔,已无回头路。
  • 仙旅征途

    仙旅征途

    世人都晓神仙好,可在天道的运转中,神和人又有什么区别?世间万物又有什么区别?传说中的主角光环不过是命运无聊的安排,当你认为逆天而行时,不过是顺天而行罢了。满纸荒唐言,一把辛酸泪。都云作者痴,谁解其中味?
  • 妹控什么的真的好吗

    妹控什么的真的好吗

    mysisterisveryloveme?HowcanIdo?
  • 末世之魔妻战纪

    末世之魔妻战纪

    为了寻爱,翟南毅然决然的踏进了一个末日般的世界!丧尸?鬼怪?魔兽?全都滚开!谁敢挡我!校花?熟女?萝莉?老婆救我!!
  • 净土生无生论亲闻记

    净土生无生论亲闻记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 末世重生之英雄悲歌

    末世重生之英雄悲歌

    一串神秘的项链,一个孤独的卡牌大师!重生三年前,这一世,由我来carry!(ps:这里有未来守护者的电能震荡,这里有剑圣的阿尔法突袭,这里还有阿狸的妖娆,女警的性感,妖姬的sm……)
  • 玄圭

    玄圭

    学院开学在即,朴素而又玄奇的他,姗姗来迟!“他?他是谁?”他是我们的朋友!“他怎么样?”他很公正“为什么?”他有永恒的眼睛“他在哪?”找寻太阳与月亮的足迹“太阳在哪?”在帽子上面“月亮在哪?”在袍子下面“他在哪?”在你脚下“怎么找到他”向西走5步,向北走7步,向东走11步,向南走9步“他在哪?”他就在你身后,一直关怀这你
  • 配天

    配天

    哪有什么所谓的苦难,那只是永不停息的磨炼。深深追寻的,一定不会总那么远。所愿,是为配得上那片天。如有读者喜欢,真的非常荣幸!2017.1.20-2017.2.10可能要暂停更新,后面再补。谢谢支持!