登陆注册
4911200000111

第111章 RECORD THIRTY-EIGHT

I Don"t Know What Title—Perhaps the Whole

Synopsis May Be Called a Castoff Cigarette Butt

I awoke. A bright glare painful to look at. I half-closed my eyes. My head seemed filled with some caustic blue smoke. was fog, and through fog:

"But I did not turn on the light...then how is it..."

I jumped up. At the table, leaning her chin on her hand and smiling, sat I-330, looking at me.

She was at the very table at which I am now writing. Those ten or fifteen minutes are already well behind me, cruelly twisted into a very firm spring. Yet it seems to me that the door closed after her only a second ago, and that I could still overtake her and grasp her hand, and that she might laugh out and say...

I-330 was at the table. I rushed toward her.

"You? You! I have been...I saw your room... I thought you... " But midway I hurt myself upon the sharp, motionless spears of her eyelashes, and I stopped. I remembered: she had looked at me in the same way before, in the Integral. I felt I had to tell her everything in one split second, and in such a way that she would surely believe, or she would never...

"Listen, I-330, I must... I must... everything! No, no, one moment—let me have a glass of water first."

My mouth was as dry as if it were lined with blotting paper. I poured a glass of water but I couldn"t...I put the glass back upon the table, and with both hands firmly grasped the carafe.

Now I noticed that the blue smoke came from a cigarette. She brought the cigarette to her lips, and eagerly drew in and swallowed the smoke as I did water; then she said:

"Don"t. Be silent. Don"t you see it matters very little? I came, anyway. They are waiting for me below.... Do you want these minutes, which are our last...?"

Abruptly she threw the cigarette on the floor and bent backward, over the side of the chair, to reach the button in the wall (it was quite difficult to do), and I remember how the chair swayed slightly, how two of its legs were lifted. Then the curtains fell.

She came close to me and embraced me. Her knees, through her dress, were like a slow, gentle, warm, enveloping, and permeating poison...

Suddenly (it happens at times)you plunge into sweet, warm sleep—when all at once, as it something pricks you, you tremble and your eyes are again widely open. So it was now; there on the floor in her room were the pink checks stamped with traces of footsteps, some of them bore the letter F- and some figures... Plus and minus fused within my mind into one lump... I could not say even now what sort of feeling it was, but I crushed her so that she cried out with pain...

One more minute out of those ten or fifteen; her head thrown back, lying on the bright white pillow, her eyes half-dosed, a sharp, sweet line of teeth... And all this reminded me in an irresistible, absurd, torturing way about something forbidden, something not permissible at that moment. More tenderly, more cruelly, I pressed her to myself, brighter grew the blue traces of my fingers...

She said, without opening her eyes (I noticed this), "They say you went to see the Well-Doer yesterday; is it true?"

"Yes."

Then her eyes opened widely and with delight I looked at her and saw that her face grew quickly paler and paler, that it effaced itself, disappearing—only the eyes remained.

I told her everything. Only for some reason, why I don"t know (no, that"s not true, I know the reason), I was silent about one thing: His assertion at the end that they needed me only in order...

Like the image on a photographic plate in a developing fluid, her face gradually reappeared: the cheeks, the white line of teeth, the lips. She stood up and went to the mirror door of the closet. My mouth was dry again. I poured water but it was revolting to drink it; I put the glass back on the table and asked:

"Did you come to see me because you wanted to inquire...?"

A sharp, mocking triangle of brows drawn to the temples looked at me from the mirror. She turned around to say something, but said nothing.

It was not necessary; I knew.

To bid her good-by, I moved my foreign limbs, struck the chair with them. It fell upside down, dead, like the table in her room. Her lips were cold...just as cold was once the floor, here, near my bed... When she left I sat down on the floor, bent over the cigarette butt...

I cannot write any more—I no longer want to!

同类推荐
  • 扭曲与挣扎

    扭曲与挣扎

    此篇谨献给一位女性,她铺垫了我一生中通往事业的道路。——作者
  • 欧也妮·葛朗台

    欧也妮·葛朗台

    《欧也妮·葛朗台》生动再现了十九世纪法国的外省生活,塑造了形形色色的人物,特别是刻画了一个狡诈吝啬的暴发户形象葛朗台老头,揭露了当时社会上人与人之间的金钱关系。
  • 成长的仪式

    成长的仪式

    《成长的仪式》内容简介:这部短篇小说集分为“人在他乡”“旧梦童年”“萍踪侠影”“故乡的云”“烟村故事”五个小辑。“人在他乡”收录的小说,被认为是“打工文学”,其《出租屋里的磨刀声》更被认为是打工文学的代表作之一。
  • 巅峰亮剑

    巅峰亮剑

    雪山高昂着头,冰川排列着队,达坂紧握着拳,阵阵寒风伴随满天飞舞的沙尘,峡谷深涧传来毛骨悚然的回荡,山梁云端迸起惊天动地的轰鸣。这是什么在发怒,这是什么在呼号,这是什么在碰撞,这是什么……没有谁生来就伟大。平凡,是每个人的生命原态,它就像横亘在前行路上的栏杆——有的人终其一生难以跨越,日复一日地进行着艰辛的生命徘徊;有的人却能以非凡的智慧和坚韧而骐骥一跃,超越平凡达到新的人生高度。
  • 盐骚

    盐骚

    《盐骚》是以重庆三峡巫溪的一个古镇为原型而创作的长篇小说。该小说塑造了一系列主动鲜活的人物讲述他们的传奇故事。大盐灶老板延光在洪水中受灾而衰落,强娶的民女薄青莲因他陷害自己的避孕药人,而放火烧掉宅子,给予他重创。船工常福生拉纤为生,爱唱船工号子和妻女艰难维生,却始终乐观向上,最后在过险滩时被江水吞没。大盐商沈玉林风流倜党,以玩笑般的三个打赌娶得盐灶老板赵源清的女儿赵云珠,使得赵源清与原本定亲的另一个盐灶老板张天禄反目成仇,其间还穿插了沈玉林与青楼女子银红的感情纠葛等。
热门推荐
  • 哈佛最神奇的24堂智慧课

    哈佛最神奇的24堂智慧课

    这是一个神奇的故事:故事的主人公是平凡猫、调皮蛋、光光头还有精神小猪,在学校里他们可都是贪玩又不听话的主儿,好不容易等到放暑假了,四个人凑在了一起,准备去一个茂密的山林里看看,因为他们听说那里经常发生一些神奇的事儿。最后,他们碰到了什么呢?哇!一位神奇的魔法师!更神奇的是魔法师给他们讲了很多神奇的故事,以及故事中藏着的那些事儿:心灵因思考而丰富、正直,让自己生活在阳光下、勤奋,扩展生命的维度、知识给你战胜恐惧的力量、奇妙的探险引出意外的收获、神奇的故事透露人生的智慧。
  • 次元系统在线

    次元系统在线

    世界:灰与幻想、在地下城寻求邂逅、魔法战争、奇幻异世界、斩赤红之瞳、漆黑的子弹、刀剑神域:秩序之争、杀戮都市o。
  • 青春湮灭史

    青春湮灭史

    一段折磨人的感情,或许,从开始,都不会怎么适合,但是,青春就这么。。。如果你的世界从不存在骄傲,那你也得骄傲的活着。如果你认为世界没有爱的时候,那爱无处不在。写给自己逝去的青春,也写给你们。
  • 帝恒荣耀

    帝恒荣耀

    世界上最无聊的事情,读书。最浪费青春的事情,还是读书。人的一生就算有一百岁,可非要用五分之一的时间来读书,真不知道有什么意思……
  • 天网回收计划

    天网回收计划

    浩瀚银河,文明无尽,而谁又能执掌天下,号令宇宙!大科技和异能者的博弈,权力者和阴谋家的交手!当我拥有超级能力,我只是一个人强!当我拥有十五级科技的时候,我将带领我的星系称霸整个华纳大体,号令整个宇宙!那时起,顺我者昌,逆我者亡!
  • 茅山大师

    茅山大师

    茅山大师胖子,读万卷书,行万里路,杀鬼怪,惊天地!
  • 末世之神级修兵

    末世之神级修兵

    中国武术四料冠军,被誉为传统武术继承者的都市兵王洪霸奇再一次任务的前夕和末日丧尸危机来了个死亡照面,从那时起,洪霸奇走上一条末世神级修兵的道路。改造肉体下逐渐演变的中国武术,强大的王者附魔猪笼草,堡垒般的王者附魔公交车,高产的王者附魔奶牛,全能的王者附魔游戏模型。世界在附魔石的改造下越发强大起来,让我们用手中成把的附魔石和末日大战一场吧!
  • 太上升玄三一融神变化妙经

    太上升玄三一融神变化妙经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 福妻驾到

    福妻驾到

    现代饭店彪悍老板娘魂穿古代。不分是非的极品婆婆?三年未归生死不明的丈夫?心狠手辣的阴毒亲戚?贪婪而好色的地主老财?吃上顿没下顿的贫困宭境?不怕不怕,神仙相助,一技在手,天下我有!且看现代张悦娘,如何身带福气玩转古代,开面馆、收小弟、左纳财富,右傍美男,共绘幸福生活大好蓝图!!!!快本新书《天媒地聘》已经上架开始销售,只要3.99元即可将整本书抱回家,你还等什么哪,赶紧点击下面的直通车,享受乐乐精心为您准备的美食盛宴吧!)
  • 佛说诸德福田经

    佛说诸德福田经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。