We bond with others not just through words but through our expressions and body language， which includes how we position ourselves in relation to others. We often aren‘t aware of our positioning until someone who is spatially impaired invades our personal space. Close talkers， for example， may be trying to bond， but they tend to send people fleeing. It’s a difficult line to judge， because we welcome some people into our personal space more than others. A friend once shot me a look of utter panic at a party because he‘d been backed into a corner by four people vying for his attention. They towered over him， and he looked a bit like a fox cornered by the hounds.
Charisma Campaign
I don’t have a problem capturing anyone‘s attention， but holding on to it is another challenge altogether. When I meet people， they are intrigued by my body but not always comfortable looking at it. I have just a few seconds to overcome that by turning on the charm. With kids and teens especially， I’ll make jokes about “lending a hand” or something costing me “an arm and a leg，” so they can see that I‘ve heard all the comments and that I can laugh along with them. I think the real secret to charisma is making each person you meet feel that they have your complete attention when they speak to you.
Tactical Unit
We all tend to think we are tactful and thoughtful of other people， but I know I sometimes fall short. My brother loves to remind me that I bossed him around when we were younger. Aaron had to put up with a lot. Even when my parents were both home， he served as my caregiver because we were always together. He’ll tell you that I could get a little crazy with my demands. One morning， for example， his friend Phil visited us. He walked into the kitchen at breakfast time， so I asked Aaron and Phil if they wanted some bacon and eggs.
“Sure， thanks， Nick！” Phil said.
I set about fixing him bacon and eggs. I did this by yelling， “Okay， Aaron， can you get me some eggs， and I also need you to fetch the pan. Oh， and put the pan on the stove. Crack the eggs in the pan， and I‘ll take over once they’re cooked.”
As Aaron got older and bigger， he found a way to deal with my bossy ways. Whenever he decided that I was being too demanding， he‘d threaten to put me in a cabinet drawer， shut it， and leave me there. So I had to develop tactful people skills， or I would have been filed away forever！
Walk the Talk
We’ve all heard of those who “talk the talk but don‘t walk the walk.” You can be a great listener， a highly empathetic， engaging， charming， and tactful person， but if you don’t step up and reach out to other people when the situation requires it， then all your other skills are meaningless. Just saying “I feel for you” doesn‘t cover it. Your actions speak louder than your words.
In your work relationships， this means not only doing your job and striving to be successful but helping others do their jobs and supporting them in their efforts to succeed.
TUNING IN
To master these people skills， you must place your own self-interests， concerns， and agendas on hold and dial in to those around you. It’s not about being the center of attention or the funniest person in the room； it‘s about engaging with other people on their terms and making them comfortable enough to invite you into their lives.
The depth of our relationships varies from those we engage with briefly （store clerks， waitresses， the mailman， the guy next to you on the plane） to those we interact with regularly （neighbors， coworkers， customers， and clients）， and finally to people who are a big part of our lives （our best friends， spouses， and family members）. Each level requires people skills of some sort， the ability to relate to and interact in harmony with others.
Helping Hands
There is one more people skill that is often disdained or overlooked， but one I’m quite familiar with： the willingness and the humility to ask for help when you need it. Jesus， the son of God， rarely walked alone on this earth. He was usually in the company of one or more of his disciples. You should never feel that you have to go it alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. The Bible says， “Ask and it will be given to you； seek and you will find； knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives； he who seeks finds； and to him who knocks， the door shall be opened.”
A few years ago my heavy travel schedule led me to decide to return to using caregivers， which is something I tried to avoid for a long time. When I was younger， I wanted to prove that I could survive day by day without depending on other people. Being independent was important to me. I needed to know， for my own peace of mind and my self-esteem， that I could live on my own if necessary.
But as my public speaking career took off and invitations to speak came from all over the globe， I realized that I was burning up too much energy taking care of myself， especially on the road. To speak to as many people in as many different places as I do， you have to be fully engaged and full of energy. I went back to employing caregivers even though someday， down the road， I hope to have a wife and family and again be independent.
When you have a caregiver， lacking people skills is not an option. Even if their pay is good， you can‘t expect someone to feed you， travel with you， shave you， dress you， and sometimes carry you around if they don’t like you. Luckily， I‘ve always had good relationships with mine—though they’ve sometimes been put to the test. I did not have a full-time caregiver until 2005， when Craig Blackburn， who‘d been inspired by my speaking and testimony in church， contacted me. He offered to work as my caregiver， driver， and coordinator for a three-week speaking tour along the sunny Queensland coast. I was a little nervous about doing the tour with someone I didn’t know well， but I prayed on it， checked his credentials， and decided I could trust him. Craig proved to be very helpful， allowing me to save my energies for my speaking and other duties.
