“You are great! Man! You are my hero!”我用力的和他握手。
他很得意,继续吹嘘着他的神勇。
我不知道越战的时候加拿大也派兵了吗?可能吧。这会想不了那么多,酒劲一个劲往上涌,脑袋一阵阵的冲动,他看来晚上也没少喝,没一会我俩竟勾着肩膀称兄道弟起来。
“Brother, you are my hero, you know that?”
“HEHE.”
“I admire people who did things other people can never have done.”
“I’m so flattered man. You are my brother. I have to take care of you.”
他晃晃悠悠叫起来一个坐着的哥们,说哥们,其实都是40开外的。
“Hey Jacque, This is my brother. We got to make him happy tonight. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“Make me happy huh? I am happy now.”
“No No I mean I have to get you laid tonight.”
“What?”
“HAHA,I’m gonna find my dear brother a nice girl tonight.”
哦,这就叫get laid呀。看到我发愣,他像是确认的问了一句,“You like girls, right?”
“Sure.”
“OK. Let’s do this.”
“You mean prostitute, right?”
“Yeah prostitute. What do u expect. You like it?”
“OK.”我犹豫了一下,但酒劲一上来一想去他妈的,what the hell,right?
“Now that’s what I’m talking about. That’s my man.”
“So where to?”
“Oh don’ t rush man. It’s still too early now. We’ll go find her a little later.”
“You know her?”
“Yeah I know her well.”
“She’s your?”
“Oh nothing. I just know her. She’s a student. Maybe in the same collage with you. So Where do u study?”
“Concordia.”
“Yeah like I said. The same collage.”
“OK. That cool huh?”
“You can make friends with her.”
“Make friends with prostitute huh? I don’t think so man.”我觉得这很可笑。
“Why not?”他很奇怪我为什么不愿意和**交朋友,睁着大眼看着我,我一时也不知如何去解释。
天渐渐晚了,聊得很高兴,Tommy听说我会弹吉他,非叫Jacque回家去拿他的吉他让我弹,Jacque没喝酒,白了他一眼,说“Shut the fuck up, you fucking drunk!”听着咋这么像说我呢。
再聊一会,Jacque说该走了,我抬表一看,9点。Jacque头前引路,Tommy和我在后边跟着,互相开着玩笑。
“So you ever find any hooker in here?”
“No.”
“In China?”
“None.”
“No?Your girlfriend is being too strict.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“You don’t have a girlfriend? So what do u do when u horny?”
“Nothing.”
“Shit! Man, are you a virgin?”他忽的停下来,用看外星人的眼光看我。
“Yeah I am.”Shit!真他妈的惭愧呀!
“Oh man!You got to be kidding me man? Oh my sweet sweet brother, I got to take care of u.”“No problem, It’s all on me. After this night, you’ll be a grown up. I give you my word. My man.”他拍着我的肩膀,真的像个大哥的样子,我心里忽的闪过一丝温暖,这一丝温暖又忽的被酒劲放大了很多倍。
我周围的人都说我不成熟,心理年龄很小,很容易被人骗,我心里很清楚,但他们都不了解我的内心世界。我的同学多半都结婚了,我却连初恋都还没尝过,不是没有机会,而是我不知如何去爱。在BJ上课的时候,有一个很漂亮的女孩,是从加拿大回来的,叫Alice,我很喜欢她,她对我也很有意思,但一段时间之后她跟我说她感觉到我的心很冷,她和我在一起的时候感觉不到温暖,她感觉不到我的心,她离开了我,我起初不懂,花了很久才想明白她的话。我来自一个不幸的家庭,母亲是个女强人,父亲很懦弱,后来我读弗洛伊德的时候才知道,这是一个教科书似的范本式的出精神病的家庭模式,后来看情景喜剧“Two and a half man”的时候,我震惊了,那个不就完全是我的家庭吗。我从小没有感受过任何温暖,我的心像一块冰驼子,如果有人可以抓住我的心,他一定会一下子丢开它,并大喊“这是什么玩意,这么凉?”确实的,冰凉冰凉的。在一颗颗来自正常家庭的充满温暖的心们当中,我感到无所适从。就像一个先天的盲人,别人可以任意向他来描述这色彩纷呈的世界,他却只能按照他的想象来理解来解读。一个从没感受过温暖的人,内心充满温暖的人可以任意向他来描述他们心中存在并强烈感知到的温暖,但他也只能像那个先天的盲人一样,按照他的想象来想象他们嘴中的温暖,而我就是这个人,很可怜。