Despite her heartache and the pain of unshed tears, a deep sense of quiet and peace fell upon Scarlett as it always did at this hour. Some of the disappointment of the day and dread of the morrow departed from her, leaving a feeling of hope.It was not the lifting up of her heart to God that brought this balm, for religion went no more than lip deep with her.It was the sight of her mother's serene face upturned to the throne of God and His saints and angels, praying for blessings on those whom she loved.When Ellen intervened with Heaven, Scarlett felt certain that Heaven heard.
Ellen finished and Gerald, who could never find his beads at prayer time, began furtively counting his decade on his fingers. As his voice droned on, Scarlett's thoughts strayed, in spite of herself.She knew she should be examining her conscience.Ellen had taught her that at the end of each day it was her duty to examine her conscience thoroughly, to admit her numerous faults and pray to God for forgiveness and strength never to repeat them.But Scarlett was examining her heart.
She dropped her head upon her folded hands so that her mother could not see her face, and her thoughts went sadly back to Ashley. How could he be planning to marry Melanie when he really loved her, Scarlett?And when he knew how much she loved him?How could he deliberately break her heart?
Then, suddenly, an idea, shining and new, flashed like a comet through her brain.
“Why, Ashley hasn't an idea that I'm in love with him!”
She almost gasped aloud in the shock of its unexpectedness. Her mind stood still as if paralyzed for a long, breathless instant, and then raced forward.
“How could he know?I've always acted so prissy and ladylike and touch-me-not around him he probably thinks I don't care a thing about him except as a friend. Yes, that's why he's never spoken!He thinks his love is hopeless.And that's why he’s looked so—”
Her mind went swiftly back to those times when she had caught him looking at her in that strange manner, when the gray eyes that were such perfect curtains for his thoughts had been wide and naked and had in them a look of torment and despair.
“He's been broken hearted because he thinks I'm in love with Brent or Stuart or Cade. And probably he thinks that if he can't have me, he might as well please his family and marry Melanie.But if he knew I did love him—”
Her volatile spirits shot up from deepest depression to excited happiness. This was the answer to Ashley's reticence, to his strange conduct.He didn't know!Her vanity leaped to the aid of her desire to believe, making belief a certainty.If he knew she loved him, he would hasten to her side.She had only to—”
“Oh!”she thought rapturously, digging her fingers into her lowered brow.“What a fool I've been not to think of this till now!I must think of some way to let him know. He wouldn't marry her if he knew I loved him!How could he?”
With a start, she realized that Gerald had finished and her mother's eyes were on her. Hastily she began her decade, telling off the beads automatically but with a depth of emotion in her voice that caused Mammy to open her eyes and shoot a searching glance at her.As she finished her prayers and Suellen, then Carreen, began their decades, her mind was still speeding onward with her entrancing new thought.
Even now, it wasn't too late!Too often the County had been scandalized by elopements when one or the other of the participating parties was practically at the altar with a third. And Ashley's engagement had not even been announced yet!Yes, there was plenty of time!
If no love lay between Ashley and Melanie but only a promise given long ago, then why wasn't it possible for him to break that promise and marry her?Surely he would do it, if he knew that she, Ssarlett, loved him. She must find some way to let him know.She would find some way!And then—
Scarlett came abruptly out of her dream of delight, for she had neglected to make the responses and her mother was looking at her reprovingly. As she resumed the ritual, she opened her eyes briefly and cast a quick glance around the room.The kneeling figures, the soft glow of the lamp, the dim shadowswhere the negroes swayed, even the familiar objects that had been so hateful to her sight an hour ago, in an instant took on the color of her own emotions, and the room seemed once more a lovely place.She would never forget this moment or this scene!
“Virgin most faithful,”her mother intoned. The Litany of the Virgin was beginning, and obediently Scarlett responded:“Pray for us,”as Ellen praised in soft contralto the attributes of the Mother of God.
As always since childhood, this was, for Scarlett, a moment for adoration of Ellen, rather than the Virgin. Sacrilegious though it might be, Scarlett always saw through her closed eyes, the upturned face of Ellen and not the Blessed Virgin, as the ancient phrases were repeated.“Health of the Sick,”“Seat of Wisdom,”“Refuge of Sinners,”“Mystical Rose”—they were beautiful words because they were the attributes of Ellem But tonight, because of the exaltation of her own spirit, Scarlett found in the whole ceremonial, the softly spoken words, the murmur of the responses, a surpassing beauty beyond any that she had ever experienced before.And her heart went up to God in sincere thankfulness that a pathway for her feet had been opened—out of her misery and straight to the arms of Ashley.
