Understand then, worthy Lords and Ladies, that this Faulcone hath long time robbed me of those delights, which men (in meere equitie) ought to have with their wives: because continually, so as breake of day hath appeared, my Husband, starting out of bed, makes him selfe readie, presently to Horsse, and with this Faulcon on his Fist, rides abroad to his recreation in the Fields.And I, in such forsaken sort as you see, am left all alone in my bed, discontented and despised: often vowing to my selfe, to bee thus revenged as now I am, being with-held from it by no other occasion, but onely want of a fit and apt time, to do it in the presence of such persons, as might bee just judges of my wrongs, and as I conceive you all to be.
The Lords and Ladies hearing these words, and beleeving this deed of hers to be done no otherwise, but out of her entire affection to Nicostratus, according as her speeches sounded: compassionately turning towards him (who was exceedingly displeased) and all smiling, said.Now in good sadnesse Sir; Madame Lydia hath done well in acting her just revenge upon the Hawke, that bereft her of her Husbands kinde companie; then which nothing is more precious to a loving wife, and a hell it is to live without it.And Lydia, being sodainly with.into her chamber; with much other friendly and familiar talke, they converted the anger of Nicostratus into mirth and smiling.
Pyrrhus, who had diligently observed the whole cariage of this businesse, saide to himselfe.My Ladie hath begun well, and proceeding on with no worse successe, will (no doubt) bring her love to an happy conclusion.As for the Lady her selfe, she having thus kild the Hawke, it was no long while after, but being in the Chamber with her husband, and they conversing familiarly together; she began to jest with him, and hee in the like manner with her, tickling and toying each the other, till at the length she played with his beard, and now she found occasion aptly serving, to effect the second taske imposed by Pyrrhus.So, taking fast hold on a small tuft of his beard, she gave a sodaine snatch, and plucked it away quite from his chin.
Whereat Nicostratus beeing angerly moved, she (to appease his distaste) pleasantly thus spake.How now my Lord? Why do you looke so frowningly? What? Are you angry for a few loose haires of your beard? How then should I take it, when you plucke mee by the haire of my head, and yet I am not a jot discontented, because I know you do it but in jesting manner? These friendly speeches cut off all further contention, and she kepte charily the tuft of er Husbands beard, which (the verie selfe-same day) shee sent to Pyrrhus her hearts chosen friend.
But now concerning the third matter to be adventured, it drove her to a much more serious consideration, then those two which shee had already so well and exactly performed.Notwithstanding, like a Ladie of unconquerable spirit, and (in whom) Love enlarged his power more and more: she sodainly conceited, what course was best to bee kept in this case, forming her attempt in this manner.Upon Nicostratus wayted two young Gentlemen, as Pages of his Chamber, whose Fathers had given them to his service, to learne the manners of honourable Courtship, and those qualities necessarily required in Gentlemen.
One of them, when Nicostratus sate downe to dinner or supper, stood in Office of his Carver, delivering him all the meats whereon he fed.The other (as Taster) attended on his Cup, and he dranke no other drinke, but what hee brought him, and they both were highly pleasing unto him.
On a day, Lydia called these two youths aside; and, among some other speeches, which served but as an induction to her intended policy; she perswaded them, that their mouths yeelded an unsavoury and ilpleasing smell, whereof their Lord seemed to take dislike.Wherefore she advised them, that at such times as they attended on him in their severall places: they should (so much as possibly they could)withdraw their heads aside from him, because their breath might not be noyous unto him.But withall, to have an especiall care, of not disclosing to any one, what she had told them; because (out of meere love) she had acquainted them therewith: which very coistantly they beleeved, and followed the same direction as she had advised, being loath to displease, where service bound them to obey.Choosing a time fitting for her purpose, when Nicostratus was in private conference with her, thus she began.Sir, you observe not the behaviour of your two Pages, when they wait on you at the Table? Yes but I do wife (quoth he) how squemishly they turn their heads aside from me, and it hath often bin in my minde, to understand a reason why they do so.
Seating her selfe by him, as if shee had some weighty matter to tell him; she proceeded in this manner.Alas my Lord, you shall not need to question them, because I can sufficiently resolve you therein: which (neverthelesse) I have long concealed, because I would not be offensive to you.But in regard, it is now manifestly apparant, that others have tasted, what (I immagined) none but my selfe did, I will no longer hide it from you.Assuredly Sir, there is a most strange and unwonted ill-savour, continually issuing from your mouth, smelling most noysomely, and I wonder what should be the occasion.In former times, I never felt any such foule breathing to come from you: and you, who do dally converse with so many worthy persons, should seeke meanes to be rid of so great an annoyance.You say verie true wife (answered Nicostratus) and I protest to you on my Credite, I feele no such ill smell, neither know what should cause it, except I have som corrupted tooth in my mouth.Perhaps Sir (quoth she) it may be so, and yet you feele not the savour which others do, yea, very offensively.
