How John Bull and Nic. Frog settled their Accounts.
JOHN BULL.--During this general cessation of talk, what if you and I, Nic., should inquire how money matters stand between us?
NIC. FROG.--With all my heart; I love exact dealing. And let Hocus audit; he knows how the money was disbursed.
JOHN BULL.--I am not much for that at present; we'll settle it between ourselves. Fair and square, Nic., keeps friends together.
There have been laid out in this lawsuit, at one time, 36,OOO pounds and 4O,OOO crowns. In some cases I, in others you, bear the greatest proportion.
NIC FROG.--Right; I pay three-fifths of the greatest number, and you pay two-thirds of the lesser number. I think this is fair and square, as you call it.
JOHN BULL.--Well, go on.
NIC FROG.--Two-thirds of 36,OOO pounds are 24,OOO pounds for your share, and there remains 12,OOO for mine. Again, of the 4O,OOOcrowns I pay 24,OOO, which is three-fifths, and you pay only 16,OOO, which is two-fifths; 24,OOO crowns make 6,OOO pounds, and 16,OOOcrowns make 4,OOO pounds; 12,OOO and 16,OOO make 18,OOO, 24,OOO and 4,OOO make 28,OOO. So there are 18,OOO pounds to my share of the expenses, and 28,OOO to yours.
After Nic. had bamboozled John awhile about the 18,OOO and the 28,OOO, John called for counters; but what with sleight of hand, and taking from his own score and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always on his own side.
JOHN BULL.--Nay, good friend Nic., though I am not quite so nimble in the fingers, I understand ciphering as well as you. I will produce you my accounts one by one, fairly writ out of my own books;and here I begin with the first. You must excuse me if I don't pronounce the law terms right.
[John reads.]
For the expenses ordinary of the suits, fees to judges, puisne judges, lawyers innumerable of all sorts:--Of extraordinaries, as follows per account . .
To Esquire South's account for post terminums . .
To ditto for non est factums . .
To ditto for noli prosequis, discontinuance, and retraxit . .
For writs of error . .
Suits of conditions unperformed . .
To Hocus for dedimus protestatem . .
To ditto for a capias ad computandum . .
To Frog's new tenants per account to Hocus, for audita querelas . .
On the said account for writs of ejectment and distringas . .
To Esquire South's quota for a return of a non est invent and nulla habet bona . .
To --- for a pardon in forma pauperis . .
To Jack for a melius inquirendum upon a felo-de-se . .
To coach-hire . .
For treats to juries and witnesses . .
John having read over his articles, with the respective sums, brought in Frog debtor to him upon the balance, 3,382 pounds 12shillings.
Then Nic. Frog pulled his bill out of his pocket, and began to read.
Nicholas Frog's Account.
Remains to be deducted out of the former Account.
Paid by Nic. Frog for his share of the ordinary expenses of the suit . .
To Hocus for entries of a rege inconsulto . .
To John Bull's nephew for a venire facias, the money not yet all laid out . .
The coach-hire for my wife and family, and the carriage of my goods during the time of this lawsuit . .
For the extraordinary expenses of feeding my family during this lawsuit . .
To Major Ab. . .
To Major Will. . .
And summing all up, found due upon the balance by John Bull to Nic.
Frog, 9 pounds 4 shillings and 6 pence.
