登陆注册
15692700000036

第36章

If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be. I was within a hair's-breadth of the last opportunity for pro-nouncement, and I found with humiliation that probably I would have nothing to say. This is the reason why Iaffirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had some-thing to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his stare, that could not see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in the dark-ness. He had summed up--he had judged. 'The horror!' He was a remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candor, it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth --the strange commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own extremity I remember best--a vision of grayness without form filled with physical pain, and a careless contempt for the evanescence of all things--even of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem to have lived through. True, he had made that last stride, he had stepped over the edge, while I had been permitted to draw back my hesitating foot. And per-haps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wis-dom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed into that inappreciable moment of time in which we step over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not have been a word of careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. It was an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfac-tions. But it was a victory! That is why I have re-mained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, when a long time after I heard once more, not his own voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of crystal.

"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world that had no hope in it and no desire. I found myself back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts. They were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an irritating pretense, because I felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew. Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flaunt-ings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces, so full of stupid impor-tance. I dare say I was not very well at that time. Itottered about the streets--there were various affairs to settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable per-sons. I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but then my temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear aunt's endeavors to 'nurse up my strength' seemed alto-gether beside the mark. It was not my strength that wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the bundle of papers given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. His mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner and wearing gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and made inquiries, at first circuitous, after-wards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased to denominate certain 'documents.' I was not surprised, because I had had two rows with the manager on the subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest scrap out of that package, and I took the same attitude with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at last, and with much heat argued that the Company had the right to every bit of information about its 'ter-ritories.' And, said he, 'Mr. Kurtz's knowledge of unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive and peculiar--owing to his great abilities and to the deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed:

therefore'--I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge, however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of commerce or administration. He invoked then the name of science. 'It would be an incalculable loss if,' &c., &c.

I offered him the report on the 'Suppression of Savage Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. 'This is not what we had a right to expect,'

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 福妻驾到

    福妻驾到

    现代饭店彪悍老板娘魂穿古代。不分是非的极品婆婆?三年未归生死不明的丈夫?心狠手辣的阴毒亲戚?贪婪而好色的地主老财?吃上顿没下顿的贫困宭境?不怕不怕,神仙相助,一技在手,天下我有!且看现代张悦娘,如何身带福气玩转古代,开面馆、收小弟、左纳财富,右傍美男,共绘幸福生活大好蓝图!!!!快本新书《天媒地聘》已经上架开始销售,只要3.99元即可将整本书抱回家,你还等什么哪,赶紧点击下面的直通车,享受乐乐精心为您准备的美食盛宴吧!)
  • 幽灵鬼校

    幽灵鬼校

    荒古,洪荒,封印,狐狸,小小海大技校竟如此诡异,亲情,友情,爱情,且看主角如何演绎一段传奇故事。吾乃茅山道士,汝等小鬼还不速速退去!
  • 不曾得到,何谈失去

    不曾得到,何谈失去

    爱情是一个没有准确界限和定位的词语!有些事情明明知道结果,却还是选择放手一搏,孤注一掷!哪怕最后一无所有,万劫不复!也无怨无悔!
  • 僵尸之不死不灭

    僵尸之不死不灭

    十岁的夏离进入一个无名山洞被千年僵尸咬了,醒来时发现自己竟然也变成了一只僵尸。之后发现自己飞天遁地、隐形无所不能……
  • 福妻驾到

    福妻驾到

    现代饭店彪悍老板娘魂穿古代。不分是非的极品婆婆?三年未归生死不明的丈夫?心狠手辣的阴毒亲戚?贪婪而好色的地主老财?吃上顿没下顿的贫困宭境?不怕不怕,神仙相助,一技在手,天下我有!且看现代张悦娘,如何身带福气玩转古代,开面馆、收小弟、左纳财富,右傍美男,共绘幸福生活大好蓝图!!!!快本新书《天媒地聘》已经上架开始销售,只要3.99元即可将整本书抱回家,你还等什么哪,赶紧点击下面的直通车,享受乐乐精心为您准备的美食盛宴吧!)
  • 随身一个镜像世界

    随身一个镜像世界

    高考结束的苏墨,无意中开启一个属于自己的镜像世界,通过镜像世界,可以连通三千世界,从此各大世界都多了一个大boss……
  • 异界征途记

    异界征途记

    看白令和夕夏如何在异世走遍怎个大陆-又有怎样的搞笑经意
  • 美女大变身进校园

    美女大变身进校园

    温暖的阳光撒了下来,换了身份的她,将迎来展现的校园生活。交了那么多校草好友,挑一个把,嘿嘿,就你了墨宇轩!
  • 远东巨龙

    远东巨龙

    拿破仑:“在东方,狮子在沉睡!”旁白:“就算狮子醒了,也只能在地面上,狮子不会飞,狮子不能入海!”“巨龙,醒来吧!看看这海!看看这天!看看这片古老的土地!属于你的海,属于你的天,属于你的土地”巨龙,我赋予你一切,在另一空间,再次腾飞!这个世界属于你!这个世界只能属于你!----有限YY,剧情尽最大努力合理,避免硬伤!新人中的新人,希望读者多多包涵,多多提出宝贵的意见,多多提出书中错误。敬!!
  • 未央复生传

    未央复生传

    身为一名有用绝世天赋的修炼者,穿越至魔法大陆一切从零开始。