第48章 CHAPTER XI(4)

Then he recalled the changed, affrighted look of those eyes as they met his, after the child's rebuff of her advances; how that little incident filled up the tale at which Mrs. Hughes had hinted, in a kind of sorrowful way, as if loath (as a Christian should be) to believe evil. Then that fearful evening, when he had only just saved her from committing suicide, and that nightmare sleep! And now--lost, forsaken, and but just delivered from the jaws of death, she lay dependent for everything on his sister and him--utter strangers a few weeks ago. Where was her lover? Could he be easy and happy? Could he grow into perfect health, with these great sins pressing on his conscience with a strong and hard pain? Or had he a conscience?" Into whole labyrinths of social ethics Mr. Benson's thoughts wandered, when his sister entered suddenly and abruptly. "What does the doctor say? Is she better?" "Oh, yes! she's better," answered Miss Benson, sharp and short. Her brother looked at her in dismay. She bumped down into a chair in a cross, disconcerted manner. They were both silent for a few minutes, only Miss Benson whistled and clucked alternately. "What is the matter, Faith? You say she is better." "Why, Thurstan, there is something so shocking the matter, that I cannot tell you." Mr. Benson changed colour with affright. All things possible and impossible crossed his mind but the right one. I said, "all things possible"; I made a mistake. He never believed Ruth to be more guilty than she seemed. "Faith, I wish you would tell me, and not bewilder me with those noises of yours," said he nervously. "I beg your pardon; but something so shocking has just been discovered--Idon't know how to word it--she will have a child. The doctor says so." She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for a few minutes. Her brother did not speak. At last she wanted his sympathy. "Isn't it shocking, Thurstan? You might have knocked me down with a straw when he told me." "Does she know?" "Yes; and I am not sure that that isn't the worst part of all." "How?--what do you mean?" "Oh, I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her; but I'm afraid she is very depraved. After the doctor was gone, she pulled the bed-curtain aside, and looked as if she wanted to speak to me. (I can't think how she heard, for we were close to the window, and spoke very low.) Well, I went to her, though I really had taken quite a turn against her. And she whispered, quite eagerly, 'Did he say I should have a baby?' Of course I could not keep it from her; but I thought it my duty to look as cold and severe as I could. She did not seem to understand how it ought to be viewed, but took it just as if she had a right to have a baby. She said, 'Oh, my God, I thank Thee! Oh, I will be so good!' I had no patience with her then, so I left the room." "Who is with her?" "Mrs. Hughes. She is not seeing the thing in a moral light, as I should have expected." Mr. Benson was silent again. After some time he began-- "Faith, I don't see this affair quite as you do. I believe I am right." "You surprise me, brother! I don't understand you." "Wait awhile! I want to make my feelings very clear to you, but I don't know where to begin, or how to express myself." "It is, indeed, an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk about;but, if once I get clear of this girl, I'll wash my hands of all such cases again." Her brother was not attending to her; he was reducing his own ideas to form. "Faith, do you know I rejoice in this child's advent?" "May God forgive you, Thurstan!--if you know what you are saying. But, surely, it is a temptation, dear Thurstan." "I do not think it is a delusion. The sin appears to me to be quite distinct from its consequences." "Sophistry--and a temptation," said Miss Benson decidedly. "No, it is not," said her brother, with equal decision. "In the eye of God, she is exactly the same as if the life she has led had left no trace behind. We knew her errors before, Faith." "Yes, but not this disgrace--this badge of her shame!" "Faith, Faith! let me beg of you not to speak so of the little innocent babe, who may be God's messenger to lead her back to Him. Think again of her first words--the burst of nature from her heart! Did she not turn to God, and enter into a covenant with Him--'I will be so good'? Why, it draws her out of herself! If her life has hitherto been self-seeking and wickedly thoughtless, here is the very instrument to make her forget herself, and be thoughtful for another. Teach her (and God will teach her, if man does not come between) to reverence her child; and this reverence will shut out sin,--will be purification." He was very much excited; he was even surprised at his own excitement;but his thoughts and meditations through the long afternoon had prepared his mind for this manner of viewing the subject. "These are quite new ideas to me," said Miss Benson coldly. "I think you, Thurstan, are the first person I ever heard rejoicing over the birth of an illegitimate child. It appears to me, I must own, rather questionable morality." "I do not rejoice. I have been all this afternoon mourning over the sin which has blighted this young creature; I have been dreading lest, as she recovered consciousness, there should be a return of her despair. I have been thinking of every holy word, every promise to the penitent--of the tenderness which led the Magdalen aright. I have been feeling, severely and reproachfully, the timidity which has hitherto made me blink all encounter with evils of this particular kind. O Faith! once for all, do not accuse me of questionable morality, when I am trying more than ever I did in my life to act as my blessed Lord would have done." He was very much agitated. His sister hesitated, and then she spoke more softly than before-- "But, Thurstan, everything might have been done to 'lead her right' (as you call it), without this child, this miserable offspring of sin." "The world has, indeed, made such children miserable, innocent as they are; but I doubt if this be according to the will of God, unless it be His punishment for the parents' guilt; and even then the world's way of treatment is too apt to harden the mother's natural love into something like hatred. Shame, and the terror of friends' displeasure, turn her mad--defile her holiest instincts; and, as for the fathers--God forgive them! I cannot--at least, not just now." Miss Benson thought on what her brother said. At length she asked, "Thurstan (remember I'm not convinced), how would you have this girl treated according to your theory?" "It will require some time, and much Christian love, to find out the best way. I know I'm not very wise; but the way I think it would be right to act in, would be this----" He thought for some time before he spoke, and then said-- "She has incurred a responsibility--that we both acknowledge. She is about to become a mother, and have the direction and guidance of a little tender life. I fancy such a responsibility must be serious and solemn enough, without making it into a heavy and oppressive burden, so that human nature recoils from bearing it. While we do all we can to strengthen her sense of responsibility, I would likewise do all we can to make her feel that it is responsibility for what may become a blessing." "Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate?" asked Miss Benson dryly. "Yes!" said her brother firmly. "The more I think, the more I believe Iam right. No one," said he, blushing faintly as he spoke, "can have a greater recoil from proffigacy than I have. You yourself have not greater sorrow over this young creature's sin than I have the difference is this, you confuse the consequences with the sin." "I don't understand metaphysics." "I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics. I can imagine that if the present occasion be taken rightly, and used well, all that is good in her may be raised to a height unmeasured but by God; while all that is evil and dark may, by His blessing, fade and disappear in the pure light of her child's presence.--Oh, Father! listen to my prayer, that her redemption may date from this time. Help us to speak to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son!" The tears were full in his eyes; he almost trembled in his earnestness.