It was on their way back from this little dinner-party that Mr. Courtland confessed to Ella Linton that he had come to think of her dearest friend as a most charming and original girl; she had never once referred to his achievements in New Guinea, nor had she asked him to write his name in her birthday book. Yes, she was not as other girls.
"I'm so delighted to hear you say so much," said Ella. "Oh, Bertie! why not make yourself happy with a sweet girl such as she, and give no more thought to such absurdities as you have been indulging in?
Believe me, you don't know so well as I do in what direction your happiness lies."
"I don't know anything about happiness," said he. "I don't seem to care much, either. When I made up my mind to find the meteor-bird, don't you suppose that there were many people who told me that, even if it was found, it was quite unlikely that it would be more succulent eating than a Dorking chicken? I'm sure they were right. You see, I didn't go to New Guinea in search of a barndoor fowl. I don't want domestic happiness, I don't want anything but you--you are my meteor-bird. I found, after my first visit to New Guinea, that it was impossible for me to rest until I had found the meteor-bird. I have found that it is impossible for me to live without you, my beloved."
"You will have to learn to live without me," said she, laying her hand upon his. They had now reached her house, so that no immediate reply was possible. He did not attempt to make a reply until they had gone into a small drawing room, and she had flung off her wrap. They were alone.
Then he knelt on the rug before her and took both her hands in his own --a hand in each of his hands--as they lay on her dress. His face was close to hers: she was in a low chair. Each could hear the sound of the other's breathing--the sound of the other's heart-beats. That duet went on for some minutes--the most perfect music in life--the music which is life itself--the music by which man becomes immortal.
"Do not hold me any longer, Bertie," said she. "Kiss me and go away--away. Oh, why should you ever come back? I believe that, if you loved me, you would go away and never come back. Oh, what is this farce that is being played between us? It is unworthy of either of us!"
"A farce? A tragedy!" said he. "I want you, Ella. I told you that I could not live without you."
"You want me? You want me, Bertie?" said she. Tears were in her eyes and in her voice, for there was to her a passion of pathos in those words of his. "You want me, and you know that it is only my soul that shall be lost if I give myself to you. God has decreed that only the soul of the woman pays the penalty of the man's longing for her."
"You soul shall be saved, not lost," said he. "At present it is your soul that is in peril, when you give your sweetness to the man whom you have ceased to love--ah! whom you never loved. You will save your soul with me."
"I shall lose it for all eternity," said she. "Do you think that I complain? Do you fancy for a moment that I grumble at the decree of God, or that I rail against it as unjust?"
"You are a woman."
"I am a woman, and therefore you know I will one day be ready to lose my soul for you, Bertie, my love. Oh, my dear, dear love, you say you want me?"
"Oh, my God!"
He had sprung to his feet and was pacing the room before her.
"You say that you want me. Oh, my love, my love, do you fancy for a moment that your longing for me is anything to be compared to my longing for you?"
"My beloved, my beloved!"
His arms were about her. His lips were upon hers. She kissed him as he kissed her.
Then she turned her head away so that his kisses fell upon her cheek instead of her mouth. She turned it still farther and they fell upon her neck--it was exquisite in its shape--and lay there like red rose-leaves clinging to a carved marble pillar.
"Wait," she said. "Wait; let me talk to you."
She untwined his arms from about her--the tears were still in her eyes as she tried to face him.
"Why should you still have tears?" said he. "If anything stood between us and love, there might be room for tears, but nothing stands between us now. I am yours, you are mine."
"That is the boast of a man who sees only the beginning of a love; mine are the tears of a woman who sees its end, and knows that it is not far off."
"How can you say that? The end? the end of love such as ours? Oh, Ella!"
"Oh, listen to me, my love! I am ashamed of the part I have played during the past six months--since we were together on the Arno, and you are ashamed, too."
"I am not ashamed. I have no reason to be ashamed."
"No; you are not ashamed of the part you have played; but you are ashamed of me, Bertie."
"Oh you? I--ashamed of you? Oh, my darling, if you talk longer in that strain I will be ashamed of you."
"You are ashamed of me--I have sometimes felt it. A man with a heart such as I know yours to be, cannot but be ashamed of a woman, who, though the wife of another man, allows him to kiss her--yes, and who gives him kiss for kiss. Oh, go away--go away! I have had enough of your love--enough of your kisses, enough shame! Go away! I never wish to see you again--to kiss you again."
She had walked to the other end of the room, and stood under a Venetian mirror--it shone like a monstrous jewel above her head--looking at him, her hands clenched, her eyes flashing through the tears that had not yet fallen.
He had had no experience of women and their moods, and he was consequently amazed at her attitude. He took a step toward her.
"No--no," she cried angrily. "I will not have any more of you. I tell you that I have had enough. I find now that what I mistook for love was just the opposite. I believe that I hate you. No--no, Bertie, not that, it cannot be that, only---- Oh, I know now that it is not hate for you that I feel--it is hate for myself, hate for the creature who is hateful enough to stand between you and the happiness which you have earned by patience, by constancy, by self-control. Yes, I hate the creature who is idiotic enough to put honor between us, to put religion between us, to put her soul's salvation between us."
