Yes, I am lonely without him, and when I think of him I smile.
That Uncle Vanya says I have the blood of a Nixey in my veins:
"Give rein to your nature for once in your life!" Perhaps it is right that I should. Oh, to be free as a bird, to fly away from all your sleepy faces and your talk and forget that you have existed at all! But I am a coward, I am afraid; my conscience torments me. He comes here every day now. I can guess why, and feel guilty already; I should like to fall on my knees at Sonia's feet and beg her forgiveness, and weep.
ASTROFF comes in carrying a portfolio.
ASTROFF. How do you do? [Shakes hands with her] Do you want to see my sketch?
HELENA. Yes, you promised to show me what you had been doing.
Have you time now?
ASTROFF. Of course I have!
He lays the portfolio on the table, takes out the sketch and fastens it to the table with thumb-tacks.
ASTROFF. Where were you born?
HELENA. [Helping him] In St. Petersburg.
ASTROFF. And educated?
HELENA. At the Conservatory there.
ASTROFF. You don't find this life very interesting, I dare say?
HELENA. Oh, why not? It is true I don't know the country very well, but I have read a great deal about it.
ASTROFF. I have my own desk there in Ivan's room. When I am absolutely too exhausted to go on I drop everything and rush over here to forget myself in this work for an hour or two. Ivan and Miss Sonia sit rattling at their counting-boards, the cricket chirps, and I sit beside them and paint, feeling warm and peaceful. But I don't permit myself this luxury very often, only once a month. [Pointing to the picture] Look there! That is a map of our country as it was fifty years ago. The green tints, both dark and light, represent forests. Half the map, as you see, is covered with it. Where the green is striped with red the forests were inhabited by elk and wild goats. Here on this lake, lived great flocks of swans and geese and ducks; as the old men say, there was a power of birds of every kind. Now they have vanished like a cloud. Beside the hamlets and villages, you see, I have dotted down here and there the various settlements, farms, hermit's caves, and water-mills. This country carried a great many cattle and horses, as you can see by the quantity of blue paint. For instance, see how thickly it lies in this part; there were great herds of them here, an average of three horses to every house. [A pause] Now, look lower down. This is the country as it was twenty-five years ago. Only a third of the map is green now with forests. There are no goats left and no elk. The blue paint is lighter, and so on, and so on. Now we come to the third part; our country as it appears to-day. We still see spots of green, but not much. The elk, the swans, the black-cock have disappeared. It is, on the whole, the picture of a regular and slow decline which it will evidently only take about ten or fifteen more years to complete. You may perhaps object that it is the march of progress, that the old order must give place to the new, and you might be right if roads had been run through these ruined woods, or if factories and schools had taken their place.
The people then would have become better educated and healthier and richer, but as it is, we have nothing of the sort. We have the same swamps and mosquitoes; the same disease and want; the typhoid, the diphtheria, the burning villages. We are confronted by the degradation of our country, brought on by the fierce struggle for existence of the human race. It is the consequence of the ignorance and unconsciousness of starving, shivering, sick humanity that, to save its children, instinctively snatches at everything that can warm it and still its hunger. So it destroys everything it can lay its hands on, without a thought for the morrow. And almost everything has gone, and nothing has been created to take its place. [Coldly] But I see by your face that Iam not interesting you.
HELENA. I know so little about such things!
ASTROFF. There is nothing to know. It simply isn't interesting, that's all.
HELENA. Frankly, my thoughts were elsewhere. Forgive me! I want to submit you to a little examination, but I am embarrassed and don't know how to begin.
ASTROFF. An examination?
HELENA. Yes, but quite an innocent one. Sit down. [They sit down]
It is about a certain young girl I know. Let us discuss it like honest people, like friends, and then forget what has passed between us, shall we?
ASTROFF. Very well.
HELENA. It is about my step-daughter, Sonia. Do you like her?
ASTROFF. Yes, I respect her.
HELENA. Do you like her--as a woman?
ASTROFF. [Slowly] No.
HELENA. One more word, and that will be the last. You have not noticed anything?
ASTROFF. No, nothing.
HELENA. [Taking his hand] You do not love her. I see that in your eyes. She is suffering. You must realise that, and not come here any more.
ASTROFF. My sun has set, yes, and then I haven't the time.
[Shrugging his shoulders] Where shall I find time for such things? [He is embarrassed.
HELENA. Bah! What an unpleasant conversation! I am as out of breath as if I had been running three miles uphill. Thank heaven, that is over! Now let us forget everything as if nothing had been said. You are sensible. You understand. [A pause] I am actually blushing.
ASTROFF. If you had spoken a month ago I might perhaps have considered it, but now--[He shrugs his shoulders] Of course, if she is suffering--but I cannot understand why you had to put me through this examination. [He searches her face with his eyes, and shakes his finger at her] Oho, you are wily!
HELENA. What does this mean?
ASTROFF. [Laughing] You are a wily one! I admit that Sonia is suffering, but what does this examination of yours mean? [He prevents her from retorting, and goes on quickly] Please don't put on such a look of surprise; you know perfectly well why Icome here every day. Yes, you know perfectly why and for whose sake I come! Oh, my sweet tigress! don't look at me in that way;I am an old bird!
HELENA. [Perplexed] A tigress? I don't understand you.
ASTROFF. Beautiful, sleek tigress, you must have your victims!
