I wonder now what it was I said that was "frivolous."
I don't know what happened to end that conversation, or if it had an end. I remember talking to one of the clergy for a time rather awkwardly, and being given a sort of topographical history of Beckenham, which he assured me time after time was "Quite an old place. Quite an old place." As though I had treated it as new and he meant to be very patient but very convincing. Then we hung up in a distinct pause, and my aunt rescued me.
"George," she said in a confidential undertone, "keep the pot a-boiling." And then audibly, "I say, will you both old trot about with tea a bit?"
"Only too delighted to TROT for you, Mrs. Ponderevo," said the clergyman, becoming fearfully expert and in his elements; "only too delighted."
I found we were near a rustic table, and that the housemaid was behind us in a suitable position to catch us on the rebound with the tea things.
"Trot!" repeated the clergyman to me, much amused; "excellent expression!" And I just saved him from the tray as he turned about.
We handed tea for a while....
"Give 'em cakes," said my aunt, flushed, but well in hand.
"Helps 'em to talk, George. Always talk best after a little nourishment. Like throwing a bit of turf down an old geyser."
She surveyed the gathering with a predominant blue eye and helped herself to tea.
"They keep on going stiff," she said in an undertone.... "I've done my best."
"It's been a huge success," I said encouragingly.
"That boy has had his legs crossed in that position and hasn't spoken for ten minutes. Stiffer and stiffer. Brittle. He's beginning a dry cough--always a bad sign, George.... Walk 'em about, shall I?--rub their noses with snow?"
Happily she didn't. I got myself involved with the gentlewoman from next door, a pensive, languid-looking little woman with a low voice, and fell talking; our topic, Cats and Dogs, and which it was we liked best.
"I always feel," said the pensive little woman, "that there's something about a dog-- A cat hasn't got it."
"Yes," I found myself admitting with great enthusiasm, "there is something. And yet again--"
"Oh! I know there's something about a cat, too. But it isn't the same."
"Not quite the same," I admitted; "but still it's something."
"Ah! But such a different something!"
"More sinuous."
"Much more."
"Ever so much more."
"It makes all the difference, don't you think?"
"Yes," I said, "ALL."
She glanced at me gravely and sighed a long, deeply felt "Yes."
A long pause.
The thing seemed to me to amount to a stale-mate. Fear came into my heart and much perplexity.
"The--er--Roses," I said. I felt like a drowning man. "Those roses--don't you think they are--very beautiful flowers?"
"Aren't they!" she agreed gently. "There seems to be something in roses--something--I don't know how to express it."
"Something," I said helpfully.
"Yes," she said, "something. Isn't there?"
"So few people see it," I said; "more's the pity!"
She sighed and said again very softly, "Yes."...
There was another long pause. I looked at her and she was thinking dreamily. The drowning sensation returned, the fear and enfeeblement. I perceived by a sort of inspiration that her tea-cup was empty.
"Let me take your cup," I said abruptly, and, that secured, made for the table by the summer-house. I had no intention then of deserting my aunt. But close at hand the big French window of the drawing-room yawned inviting and suggestive. I can feel all that temptation now, and particularly the provocation of my collar. In an instant I was lost. I would--Just for a moment!
I dashed in, put down the cup on the keys of the grand piano and fled upstairs, softly, swiftly, three steps at a time, to the sanctuary of my uncle's study, his snuggery. I arrived there breathless, convinced there was no return for me. I was very glad and ashamed of myself, and desperate. By means of a penknife I contrived to break open his cabinet of cigars, drew a chair to the window, took off my coat, collar and tie, and remained smoking guiltily and rebelliously, and peeping through the blind at the assembly on the lawn until it was altogether gone....
The clergymen, I thought, were wonderful.
III
A few such pictures of those early days at Beckenham stand out, and then I find myself among the Chiselhurst memories. The Chiselhurst mansion had "grounds" rather than a mere garden, and there was a gardener's cottage and a little lodge at the gate.
The ascendant movement was always far more in evidence there than at Beckenham. The velocity was increasing One night picks itself out as typical, as, in its way, marking an epoch. I was there, I think, about some advertisement stuff, on some sort of business anyhow, and my uncle and aunt had come back in a fly from a dinner at the Runcorns. (Even there he was nibbling at Runcorn with the idea of our great Amalgamation budding in his mind.) I got down there, I suppose, about eleven.
I found the two of them sitting in the study, my aunt on a chair-arm with a whimsical pensiveness on her face, regarding my uncle, and he, much extended and very rotund, in the low arm-chair drawn up to the fender.
"Look here, George," said my uncle, after my first greetings. "I just been saying: We aren't Oh Fay!"
"Eh?"
"Not Oh Fay! Socially!"
"Old FLY, he means, George--French!"
"Oh! Didn't think of French. One never knows where to have him.
What's gone wrong to-night?"
"I been thinking. It isn't any particular thing. I ate too much of that fishy stuff at first, like salt frog spawn, and was a bit confused by olives; and--well, I didn't know which wine was which. Had to say THAT each time. It puts your talk all wrong. And she wasn't in evening dress, not like the others. We can't go on in that style, George--not a proper ad."
"I'm not sure you were right," I said, "in having a fly."
"We got to do it all better," said my uncle, "we got to do it in Style. Smart business, smart men. She tries to pass it off as humorous"--my aunt pulled a grimace-- "it isn't humorous! See!
