Miss Willis has pronounced my doom -- you are going away, dear Miss Melford! -- you are going to be removed, I know not whither! what shall I do? which way shall I turn for consolation? I know not what I say -- all night long have I been tossed in a sea of doubts and fears, uncertainty and distraction, without being able to connect my thoughts, much less to form any consistent plan of conduct -- I was even tempted to wish that I had never seen you; or that you had been less amiable, or less compassionate to your poor Wilson; and yet it would be detestable ingratitude in me to form such a wish, considering how much I am indebted to your goodness, and the ineffable pleasure I have derived from your indulgence and approbation -- Good God! I never heard your name mentioned without emotion! the most distant prospect of being admitted to your company, filled my whole soul with a kind of pleasing alarm! as the time approached, my heart beat with redoubled force, and every nerve thrilled with a transport of expectation; but, when I found myself actually in your presence;
-- when I heard you speak; -- when I saw you smile; when I beheld your charming eyes turned favourably upon me; my breast was filled with such tumults of delight, as wholly deprived me of the power of utterance, and wrapt me in a delirium of joy! -- encouraged by your sweetness of temper and affability, I ventured to describe the feelings of my heart -- even then you did not check my presumption -- you pitied my sufferings and gave me leave to hope you put a favourable -- perhaps too favourable a construction, on my appearance -- certain it is, I am no player in love -- I speak the language of my own heart; and have no prompter but nature.
Yet there is something in this heart, which I have not yet disclosed. -- I flattered myself -- But, I will not -- I must not proceed. Dear Miss Liddy! for Heaven's sake, contrive, if possible, some means of letting me speak to you before you leave Gloucester; otherwise, I know not what will -- But I begin to rave again. -- I will endeavour to bear this trial with fortitude -- while I am capable of reflecting upon your tenderness and truth, I surely have no cause to despair -- a cloud hangs over me, and there is a dreadful weight upon my spirits! While you stay in this place, I shall continually hover about your lodgings, as the parted soul is said to linger about the grave where its mortal comfort lies. -- I know, if it is in your power, you will task your humanity -- your compassion -- shall I add, your affection? -- in order to assuage the almost intolerable disquiet that torments the heart of your afflicted, WILSON GLOUCESTER, March 31.
