Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus. DUMAIN Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas. BIRON A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas? HOLOFERNES Judas I am,-- DUMAIN The more shame for you, Judas. HOLOFERNES What mean you, sir? BOYET To make Judas hang himself. HOLOFERNES Begin, sir; you are my elder. BIRON Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder. HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance. BIRON Because thou hast no face. HOLOFERNES What is this? BOYET A cittern-head. DUMAIN The head of a bodkin. BIRON A Death's face in a ring. LONGAVILLE The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen. BOYET The pommel of Caesar's falchion. DUMAIN The carved-bone face on a flask. BIRON Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch. DUMAIN Ay, and in a brooch of lead. BIRON Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance. HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance. BIRON False; we have given thee faces. HOLOFERNES But you have out-faced them all. BIRON An thou wert a lion, we would do so. BOYET Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay? DUMAIN For the latter end of his name. BIRON For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away! HOLOFERNES This is not generous, not gentle, not humble. BOYET A light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.
HOLOFERNES retires PRINCESS Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for Hector BIRON Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms. DUMAIN Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry. FERDINAND Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this. BOYET But is this Hector? FERDINAND I think Hector was not so clean-timbered. LONGAVILLE His leg is too big for Hector's. DUMAIN More calf, certain. BOYET No; he is best endued in the small. BIRON This cannot be Hector. DUMAIN He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift,-- DUMAIN A gilt nutmeg. BIRON A lemon. LONGAVILLE Stuck with cloves. DUMAIN No, cloven.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Peace!--
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower,-- DUMAIN That mint. LONGAVILLE That columbine.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue. LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector. DUMAIN Ay, and Hector's a greyhound.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks, beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed, he was a man. But I will forward with my device.
To the PRINCESS Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing. PRINCESS Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper. BOYET [Aside to DUMAIN] Loves her by the foot,-- DUMAIN [Aside to BOYET] He may not by the yard.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,-- COSTARD The party is gone, fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two months on her way.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What meanest thou? COSTARD Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor wench is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in her belly already: tis yours.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt die. COSTARD Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is quick by him and hanged for Pompey that is dead by him. DUMAIN Most rare Pompey! BOYET Renowned Pompey! BIRON Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!
Pompey the Huge! DUMAIN Hector trembles. BIRON Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! stir them on! stir them on! DUMAIN Hector will challenge him. BIRON Ay, if a' have no man's blood in's belly than will sup a flea.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO By the north pole, I do challenge thee. COSTARD I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man:
I'll slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you, let me borrow my arms again. DUMAIN Room for the incensed Worthies! COSTARD I'll do it in my shirt. DUMAIN Most resolute Pompey! MOTH Master, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean you? You will lose your reputation.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat in my shirt. DUMAIN You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet bloods, I both may and will. BIRON What reason have you for't?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt;I go woolward for penance. BOYET True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of linen: since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but a dishclout of Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next his heart for a favour.
Enter MERCADE MERCADE God save you, madam! PRINCESS Welcome, Mercade;But that thou interrupt'st our merriment. MERCADE I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father-- PRINCESS Dead, for my life! MERCADE Even so; my tale is told. BIRON Worthies, away! the scene begins to cloud.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO For mine own part, I breathe free breath.
I have seen the day of wrong through the little hole of discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.
Exeunt Worthies FERDINAND How fares your majesty? PRINCESS Boyet, prepare; I will away tonight. FERDINAND Madam, not so; I do beseech you, stay. PRINCESS Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords, For all your fair endeavors; and entreat, Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide The liberal opposition of our spirits, If over-boldly we have borne ourselves In the converse of breath: your gentleness Was guilty of it. Farewell worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue:
Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks For my great suit so easily obtain'd. FERDINAND The extreme parts of time extremely forms All causes to the purpose of his speed, And often at his very loose decides That which long process could not arbitrate:
