登陆注册
15462100000032

第32章 I(1)

THE odd thing is that what sticks out in my recollection of the rest of that evening was Leonora's saying:

"Of course you might marry her," and, when I asked whom, she answered:

"The girl."

Now that is to me a very amazing thing--amazing for the light of possibilities that it casts into the human heart. For I had never had the slightest conscious idea of marrying the girl; I never had the slightest idea even of caring for her. I must have talked in an odd way, as people do who are recovering from an anaesthetic. It is as if one had a dual personality, the one I being entirely unconscious of the other. I had thought nothing; I had said such an extraordinary thing. I don't know that analysis of my own psychology matters at all to this story. I should say that it didn't or, at any rate, that I had given enough of it. But that odd remark of mine had a strong influence upon what came after. I mean, that Leonora would probably never have spoken to me at all about Florence's relations with Edward if I hadn't said, two hours after my wife's death:

"Now I can marry the girl."

She had, then, taken it for granted that I had been suffering all that she had been suffering, or, at least, that I had permitted all that she had permitted. So that, a month ago, about a week after the funeral of poor Edward, she could say to me in the most natural way in the world--I had been talking about the duration of my stay at Branshaw--she said with her clear, reflective intonation:

"Oh, stop here for ever and ever if you can." And then she added, "You couldn't be more of a brother to me, or more of a counsellor, or more of a support. You are all the consolation I have in the world. And isn't it odd to think that if your wife hadn't been my husband's mistress, you would probably never have been here at all?"That was how I got the news--full in the face, like that. I didn't say anything and I don't suppose I felt anything, unless maybe it was with that mysterious and unconscious self that underlies most people. Perhaps one day when I am unconscious or walking in my sleep I may go and spit upon poor Edward's grave. It seems about the most unlikely thing I could do; but there it is. No, I remember no emotion of any sort, but just the clear feeling that one has from time to time when one hears that some Mrs So-and-So is au mieux with a certain gentleman. It made things plainer, suddenly, to my curiosity. It was as if I thought, at that moment, of a windy November evening, that, when I came to think it over afterwards, a dozen unexplained things would fit themselves into place. But Iwasn't thinking things over then. I remember that distinctly. I was just sitting back, rather stiffly, in a deep arm-chair. That is what Iremember. It was twilight.

Branshaw Manor lies in a little hollow with lawns across it and pine-woods on the fringe of the dip. The immense wind, coming from across the forest, roared overhead. But the view from the window was perfectly quiet and grey. Not a thing stirred, except a couple of rabbits on the extreme edge of the lawn. It was Leonora's own little study that we were in and we were waiting for the tea to be brought. I, as I said, was sitting in the deep chair, Leonora was standing in the window twirling the wooden acorn at the end of the window-blind cord desultorily round and round.

She looked across the lawn and said, as far as I can remember:

"Edward has been dead only ten days and yet there are rabbits on the lawn."I understand that rabbits do a great deal of harm to the short grass in England. And then she turned round to me and said without any adornment at all, for I remember her exact words:

"I think it was stupid of Florence to commit suicide."I cannot tell you the extraordinary sense of leisure that we two seemed to have at that moment. It wasn't as if we were waiting for a train, it wasn't as if we were waiting for a meal--it was just that there was nothing to wait for. Nothing. There was an extreme stillness with the remote and intermittent sound of the wind.

There was the grey light in that brown, small room. And there appeared to be nothing else in the world. I knew then that Leonora was about to let me into her full confidence. It was as if--or no, it was the actual fact that--Leonora with an odd English sense of decency had determined to wait until Edward had been in his grave for a full week before she spoke. And with some vague motive of giving her an idea of the extent to which she must permit herself to make confidences, I said slowly --and these words too I remember with exactitude--"Did Florence commit suicide? I didn't know."I was just, you understand, trying to let her know that, if she were going to speak she would have to talk about a much wider range of things than she had before thought necessary.

So that that was the first knowledge I had that Florence had committed suicide. It had never entered my head. You may think that I had been singularly lacking in suspiciousness; you may consider me even to have been an imbecile. But consider the position.

In such circumstances of clamour, of outcry, of the crash of many people running together, of the professional reticence of such people as hotel-keepers, the traditional reticence of such "good people" as the Ashburnhams--in such circumstances it is some little material object, always, that catches the eye and that appeals to the imagination. I had no possible guide to the idea of suicide and the sight of the little flask of nitrate of amyl in Florence's hand suggested instantly to my mind the idea of the failure of her heart. Nitrate of amyl, you understand, is the drug that is given to relieve sufferers from angina pectoris.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 鹿晗总裁小萌童

    鹿晗总裁小萌童

    【我先在此注明,此乃小说,内容纯属虚构,切勿与鹿晗本人联系在一起,而且本书高能,小清新留步误入!!!!!】他,鹿晗,是世界著名的总裁,无数人都尊敬他讨好他,也有人想要害他,而他却不屑一顾——他的眼里,只有她,夏紫童,她本是商界十大家之一夏氏的千金。她与他结婚后,这对夫妻间会发生些什么呢?
  • 四妖传

    四妖传

    在经历了一次又一次的打击,天机选择了不同的道路,而路上的命运却时刻不会因他人的选择而改变,如果有一天,他再也无法用人的力量保护他人了该怎么办?神道:“你愿意重返神界吗?”“愿意!”
  • 他乡明月

    他乡明月

    一个普通客居他乡的故事,仅此而已。此心安处是吾乡。
  • 快穿,女配逆袭记

    快穿,女配逆袭记

    她叫叶舞心,她是失去记忆的女鬼,那朵罂粟花妖——罂瑶是她唯一的记忆,时间转眼过去了数亿年,她忍不住孤寂来到快穿任务者协会,快穿系统是一只紫尾九命天狐,她叫紫溪,和罂瑶是好朋友?那?我是谁?经过无数任务,她的心越来越迷茫,直到,他出现。
  • 邪王妄妃:双世宠溺

    邪王妄妃:双世宠溺

    她,一世魔鬼女教官,沐雨斐。他,一生情愫不为谁开,慕夜澜。一朝穿越,沐雨斐发现自己在一个历史不存在的国家,一下跳起来,踩到一个软软的东西,发现地上的男人正冷淡的静默着她,于是她,就立即警惕起来,对着他,大声喊着,你是谁,我怎么会在这里。。。。一连串的问题,让慕夜澜满脸黑线。他站起来,勾了勾嘴角,说:‘’你的脑子,被狗吃了啊。”沐雨斐气不过一脚踢过去。慕夜澜抓住了她的脚踝,说‘’别惹我。‘’
  • 苦涩奶茶

    苦涩奶茶

    本小说有两位作者,朴倩影和訾寓,这是我和她之间第一本合作的小说,希望大家喜欢。下面是简介:一杯奶茶,使她的人生中多了份美妙。但一杯奶茶也像是一场梦结束了他俩的爱情生活。朴清本不相信世界上有真爱,但一位男生,打破了她的想法与人生。林懿洙是朴清的“救命恩人”,但也是亲手把朴清“往死里推的”人……
  • 易烊千玺之那个剩夏的故事

    易烊千玺之那个剩夏的故事

    一个普通得不能再普通的高中女生,作为一个狂热的千纸鹤,上帝好像送给她一份礼物,在某次开学,学校转来了TFBOYS,然后……他们的故事正悄悄开始,可爱的同桌王源,暖心的学长王俊凯,还有她的偶像易烊千玺我知道有很多人讨厌我,因为我做不到让所有人喜欢我,你站在那么大那么耀眼的舞台上当然看不到我,易烊千玺,我喜欢你对不起,我已经有喜欢的人了本故事剧情逆向走位,服用请谨慎
  • 祖莲

    祖莲

    灵虚大陆,灵修为尊!圣莲天降,灵祖降世!极北大陆荒蛮之地,一阶白首老朽转世重生,意外得到一朵金莲!是命运中的注定,还是南柯一梦庄周梦蝶?一个立志救母的少年!一个强者崛起的传说!一个叱咤灵虚,君临天下的故事!一切精彩就此展开!
  • 黄指修仙之路

    黄指修仙之路

    一个孤儿被仙人收留,仙人想教他修仙,但他没有神根,但是有魔王附体……
  • 风是年少的故乡

    风是年少的故乡

    本书精选了作者创作的数十篇作品,包括散文、小说、诗歌,书评、影评等作品。全书分为四辑,包括:我们的青春似水流年,散落在记忆里的时光碎片,早晨掠过的翅膀,解构阅读。