登陆注册
15453300000062

第62章 XXVII.(1)

After Gregory was gone a misgiving began in Clementina's mind, which grew more distinct, through all the difficulties of accounting to Mrs. Lander for his long stay, The girl could see that it was with an obscure jealousy that she pushed her questions, and said at last, "That Mr. Hinkle is about the best of the lot. He's the only one that's eva had the mannas to ask after me, except that lo'd. He did."

Clementina could not pretend that Gregory had asked, but she could not blame him for a forgetfulness of Mrs. Lander which she had shared with him. This helped somehow to deepen the misgiving which followed her from Mrs. Lander's bed to her own, and haunted her far into the night. She could escape from it only by promising herself to deal with it the first thing in the morning. She did this in terms much briefer than she thought she could have commanded. She supposed she would have to write a very long letter, but she came to the end of all she need say, in a very few lines.

DEAR MR. GREGORY:

"I have been thinking about what you said yesterday, and I have to tell you something. Then you can do what is right for both of us; you will know better than I can. But I want you to understand that if I go with you in your missionary life, I shall do it for you, and not for anything else. I would go anywhere and live anyhow for you, but it would be for you; I do not believe that I am religious, and I know that I should not do it for religion.

"That is all; but I could not get any peace till I let you know just how I felt.

"CLEMENTINA CLAXON."

The letter went early in the morning, though not so early but it was put in Gregory's hand as he was leaving his hotel to go to Mrs. Lander's. He tore it open, and read it on the way, and for the first moment it seemed as if it were Providence leading him that he might lighten Clementina's heart of its doubts with the least delay. He had reasoned that if she would share for his sake the life that he should live for righteousness' sake they would be equally blest in it, and it would be equally consecrated in both. But this luminous conclusion faded in his thought as he hurried on, and he found himself in her presence with something like a hope that she would be inspired to help him.

His soul lifted at the sound of the gay voice in which she asked, "Did you get my letta?" and it seemed for the instant as if there could be no trouble that their love could not overcome.

"Yes," he said, and he put his arms around her, but with a provisionality in his embrace which she subtly perceived.

"And what did you think of it?" she asked. "Did you think I was silly?"

He was aware that she had trusted him to do away her misgiving. "No, no," he answered, guiltily. "Wiser than I am, always. I--I want to talk with you about it, Clementina. I want you to advise me."

He felt her shrink from him, and with a pang he opened his arms to free her. But it was right; he must. She had been expecting him to say that there was nothing in her misgiving, and he could not say it.

"Clementina," he entreated, "why do you think you are not religious?"

"Why, I have never belonged to chu'ch," she answered simply. He looked so daunted, that she tried to soften the blow after she had dealt it.

"Of course, I always went to chu'ch, though father and motha didn't.

I went to the Episcopal--to Mr. Richling's. But I neva was confirmed."

"But-you believe in God?"

"Why, certainly!"

"And in the Bible?"

"Why, of cou'se!"

"And that it is our duty to bear the truth to those who have never heard of it?"

"I know that is the way you feel about it; but I am not certain that I should feel so myself if you didn't want me to. That's what I got to thinking about last night." She added hopefully, "But perhaps it isn't so great a thing as I"--"It's a very great thing," he said, and from standing in front of her, he now sat down beyond a little table before her sofa. "How can I ask you to share my life if you don't share my faith?"

"Why, I should try to believe everything that you do, of cou'se."

"Because I do?"

"Well-yes."

"You wring my heart! Are you willing to study--to look into these questions--to--to"-- It all seemed very hopeless, very absurd, but she answered seriously:

"Yes, but I believe it would all come back to just where it is, now."

"What you say, Clementina, makes me so happy; but it ought to make me--miserable! And you would do all this, be all this for me, a wretched and erring creature of the dust, and yet not do it for--God?"

Clementina could only say, "Perhaps if He meant me to do it for Him, He would have made me want to. He made you."

"Yes," said Gregory, and for a long time he could not say any more. He sat with his elbow on the table, and his head against his lifted hand.

"You see," she began, gently, "I got to thinking that even if I eva came to believe what you wanted me to, I should be doing it after all, because you wanted me to"--"Yes, yes," he answered, desolately. "There is no way out of it. If you only hated me, Clementina, despised me--I don't mean that. But if you were not so good, I could have a more hope for you--for myself. It's because you are so good that I can't make myself wish to change you, and yet I know--I am afraid that if you told me my life and objects were wrong, I should turn from them, and be whatever you said. Do you tell me that?"

"No, indeed!" cried Clementina, with abhorrence. "Then I should despise you."

He seemed not to heed her. He moved his lips as if he were talking to himself, and he pleaded, "What shall we do?"

"We must try to think it out, and if we can't--if you can't let me give up to you unless I do it for the same reason that you do; and if I can't let you give up for me, and I know I could neva do that; then--we mustn't!"

"Do you mean, we must part? Not see each other again?"

"What use would it be?"

"None," he owned. She had risen, and he stood up perforce. "May I--may I come back to tell you?"

"Tell me what?" she asked.

"You are right! If I can't make it right, I won't come. But I won't say good bye. I--can't."

She let him go, and Maddalena came in at the door. "Signorina," she said, "the signora is not well. Shall I send for the doctor?"

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 假面诡刺

    假面诡刺

    这是一个仙术绚丽、飞剑乱舞、纵横天地的世界。叶暮却没有欣赏到这份绚丽,他成了这个世界里的刺客,从鲜血中爬出来,挑战那些高高在上的傲慢身影。
  • 易爱千玺

    易爱千玺

    一次偶然的机会他们相遇啦,可是命运会不会让有情人擦肩而过?他们的结局是否完美
  • 星梦奇缘之坠落天使

    星梦奇缘之坠落天使

    【第一季上市·连载中】意外坠落的“天使”沐纤玥,在陌生的环境,遭遇贵族小姐的压迫,无意遇上了他——尘落。穿越时光与生死,见证友谊与背叛的较量,光明与黑暗的决战,冥冥之中,是谁掌控着这一切,使其无法改变……
  • 我的口袋里装着目标

    我的口袋里装着目标

    我呢出身在一个平凡的家庭!但我收获很友情!收获了爱情!实现了梦想!每个人都应该有个梦想!而不是平平凡凡的过一辈子!
  • 绝世神医废柴逆天六小姐

    绝世神医废柴逆天六小姐

    废柴,哼。如果她是废柴,这个大陆就没有天才了。“瑶瑶,不要这样嘛!嗯~嗯~”楚筱瑶心想:我去,这个缠人的家伙是谁啊?我不认识,救命啊!!!“哇,他就是天才的越王殿下啊!好帅啊!”花痴甲“是啊是啊,听说他三岁能作诗,五岁能写文,八岁就已经修炼到了橙阶了!”花痴乙“切,那个站在越王旁的女人是谁啊!”女配A“就是,她凭什么,越王是我的。”女配B世人皆知楚家六小姐生来痴呆,更是灵力废柴。且看她如何觉天赋,证威名。
  • 御灵师

    御灵师

    身为御灵师司徒家的嫡系传人,司徒慕从未动过心,可谁知一遇见她,便是万劫不复。一把浮屠剑,一柄焚天扇,引出一曲浮生乱。身陷连环险境,上古神邸,十方妖魔,一一登场,面对妖魔之狠厉,人性之贪婪,他们能否一起,执手定乾坤,携手游天下?
  • 中国男人书

    中国男人书

    夫妻关系危机、难言之隐的痛,中国男人的身体问题已到了危急时刻。《中国男人书》从男人的童年、青春期、青年期、更年期、老年等阶段,从日常生活保健的角度,讲述了如何提升精子质量、防治前列腺炎,以及如何提高男性生活质量等问题。以众多实用的观点和方法作出指导。童年:孩子营养过剩容易让蛋蛋缩回去,温水坐浴可缓解。青春期:手淫无罪,网吧是滋生男性疾病的罪恶之地。青年期:男人有权阳痿,妻子的呵护是最好的良药。更年期:男人身体出现问题,是更年期的引爆装置;更年期综合征的缓解,从治疗身体疾病开始。老年:动物脂肪是前列腺癌的温床,老年人的男人病同样应重视。
  • 让你有来无回,小鬼子

    让你有来无回,小鬼子

    在这部小说里,我可以向每位读者保证,每一件事,每一个故事,都是客观存在的事实,如果哪位读者在阅读过程中,感觉故事情节和自己知道的基本雷同,那么本人感觉十分荣幸!
  • 灵魂莜体

    灵魂莜体

    爱就像海市蜃楼...给你无限的美好幻想....却只是虚假....如果上帝在给我一次机会我依然会选择走这条路....遇上你能和你相识一场我...无怨无悔.....
  • 征服游戏:早安,小娇妻

    征服游戏:早安,小娇妻

    他桎梏她,强逼她交出她给他生的孩子。“没有没有没有!”“没有?那现在就再生一个!”无数个日夜地狱般的索爱,她被他摆布得无路可逃。待孩子生下来后,她正欲逃之夭夭,却依旧被他压在墙上。“宝贝,谁说只生一个的?”【他宠她,宠到每一次心跳都是为了她,全世界,只有她这个傻瓜不知道……】