"Well, for you, Mum, I'll see if it can't be managed.Difficult as it is."Grace's anger boiled over.
"That woman must go," she insisted.
"Very well," said Maggie.
Cook after cook appeared and vanished.They all hated Grace.
"You're not very good at keeping servants, are you, Maggie, dear?"said Grace.
Then there was the shopping.Grace's conversation was the real trouble here.Grace's stories had seemed rather a joke in London, soon, in Skeaton, they became a torture.From the vicarage to the High Street was not far, but it was far enough for Grace's narrative powers to stretch their legs and get a healthy appetite for the day's work.Grace walked very slowly, because of her painful breathing.Her stout stolid figure in its stiff clothes (the skirt rather short, thick legs in black stockings and large flat boots), marched along.She had a peculiar walk, planting each foot on the ground with deliberate determination as though she were squashing a malignant beetle, she was rather short-sighted, but did not wear glasses, because, as she said to Maggie, "one need not look peculiar until one must." Her favourite head-gear was a black straw hat with a rather faded black ribbon and a huge pin stuck skewer-wise into it.This pin was like a dagger.
She peered around her as she walked, and for ever enquired of Maggie, "who that was on the other Bide of the road." Maggie, of course, did not know, and there began then a long cross-questioning as to colour, clothes, height, smile or frown.Nothing was too small to catch Grace's interest but nothing caught it for long.Maggie, at the end of her walk felt as though she were beset by a whirl of little buzzing flies.She noticed that Paul had, from, long habit, learnt to continue his own thoughts during Grace's stories, and she also tried to do this, but she was not clever at it because Grace would suddenly stop and say, "Where was I, Maggie?" and then when Maggie was confused regard her suspiciously, narrowing her eyes into little thin points.The shopping was difficult because Grace would stand at Maggie's elbow and say: "Now, Maggie, this is your affair, isn't it? You decide what you want," and then when Maggie had decided, Grace simply, to show her power, would say: "Oh, I don't think we'd better have that...No, I don't think we'll have that.
Will you show us something else, please?"-and so they had to begin all over again.
Nevertheless, throughout their first summer Maggie was almost happy;not QUITE happy, some silent but persistent rebellion at the very centre of her heart prevented her complete happiness.What she really felt was that half of her-the rebellious, questioning, passionate half of her-was asleep, and that at all costs, whatever occurred, she must keep it asleep.That was her real definite memory of her first year-that, through it all, she was wilfully, deliberately drugged.
Every one thought Paul very strange that summer.Mr.Flaunders, the curate, told Miss Purves that he was very "odd." "He was always the most tranquil man-a sunny nature, as you know, Miss Purves.Well now, I assure you, he's never the same from one minute to another.
His temper is most uncertain, and one never can tell of what he's thinking.You know he took the Collects in the wrong order last Sunday, and last night he read the wrong lesson.Two days ago he was quite angry with me because I suggested another tune for 'Lead Kindly Light'-unlike himself, unlike himself.""To what do you attribute this, Mr.Flaunders?" said Miss Purves.
"You know our vicar so well."
"I'm sure I can't tell what it is," said Mr.Flaunders, sighing.
"Can it be his marriage?" said Miss Purves.
"I'm sure," said Mr.Flaunders, flushing, "that it can be nothing to do with Mrs.Trenchard.That's a fine woman, Miss Purves, a fine woman.""She seems a little strange," said Miss Purves."Why doesn't she let her hair grow? It's hardly Christian as it is.""It's her health, I expect," said Mr.Flaunders.
Paul was very gentle and good to Maggie all that summer, better to her than any human being had ever been before.She became very fond of him, and yet it was not, apparently, her affection that he wanted.He seemed to be for ever on the verge of asking her some question and then checking himself.He was suddenly silent; she caught him looking at her in odd, furtive ways.
He made love to her and then suddenly checked himself, going off, leaving her alone.During these months she did everything she could for him.She knew that she was not satisfying him, because she could give him only affection and not love.But everything that he wanted her to do she did.And they never, through all those summer months, had one direct honest conversation.They were afraid.
She began to see, very clearly, his faults.His whole nature was easy, genial, and, above all, lazy.He liked to be liked, and she Was often astonished at the pleasure with which he received compliments.He had a conceit of himself, not as a man but as a clergyman, and she knew that nothing pleased him so much as when people praised his "good-natured humanity."She saw him "play-acting," as she called it, that is, bringing forward a succession of little tricks, a jolly laugh, an enthusiastic opinion, a pretence of humility, a man-of-the-world air, all things not very bad in themselves, but put on many years ago, subconsciously as an actor puts on powder and paint.She saw that he was especially sensitive to lay opinion, liked to be thought a good fellow by the laymen in the place.To be popular she was afraid that he sometimes sacrificed his dignity, his sincerity and his pride.But he was really saved in this by his laziness.He was in fact too lazy to act energetically in his pursuit of popularity, and the temptation to sink into the dirty old chair in his study, smoke a pipe and go to sleep, hindered again and again his ambition.
