It is all so hard to put in words, Carley.To lie down with death and get up with death was nothing.To face one's degradation was nothing.But to come home an incomprehensibly changed man--and to see my old life as strange as if it were the new life of another planet--to try to slip into the old groove--well, no words of mine can tell you how utterly impossible it was.
My old job was not open to me, even if I had been able to work.The government that I fought for left me to starve, or to die of my maladies like a dog, for all it cared.
I could not live on your money, Carley.My people are poor, as you know.So there was nothing for me to do but to borrow a little money from my friends and to come West.I'm glad I had the courage to come.What this West is I'll never try to tell you, because, loving the luxury and excitement and glitter of the city as you do, you'd think I was crazy.
Getting on here, in my condition, was as hard as trench life.But now, Carley--something has come to me out of the West.That, too, I am unable to put into words.Maybe I can give you an inkling of it.I'm strong enough to chop wood all day.No man or woman passes my cabin in a month.But I am never lonely.I love these vast red canyon walls towering above me.And the silence is so sweet.Think of the hellish din that filled my ears.Even now--sometimes, the brook here changes its babbling murmur to the roar of war.I never understood anything of the meaning of nature until I lived under these looming stone walls and whispering pines.
So, Carley, try to understand me, or at least be kind.You know they came very near writing, "Gone west!" after my name, and considering that, this "Out West" signifies for me a very fortunate difference.A tremendous difference! For the present I'll let well enough alone.
Adios.Write soon.Love from GLEN
Carley's second reaction to the letter was a sudden upflashing desire to see her lover--to go out West and find him.Impulses with her were rather rare and inhibited, but this one made her tremble.If Glenn was well again he must have vastly changed from the moody, stone-faced, and haunted-eyed man who had so worried and distressed her.He had embarrassed her, too, for sometimes, in her home, meeting young men there who had not gone into the service, he had seemed to retreat into himself, singularly aloof, as if his world was not theirs.
Again, with eager eyes and quivering lips, she read the letter.It contained words that lifted her heart.Her starved love greedily absorbed them.In them she had excuse for any resolve that might bring Glenn closer to her.And she pondered over this longing to go to him.
Carley had the means to come and go and live as she liked.She did not remember her father, who had died when she was a child.Her mother had left her in the care of a sister, and before the war they had divided their time between New York and Europe, the Adirondacks and Florida, Carley had gone in for Red Cross and relief work with more of sincerity than most of her set.But she was really not used to making any decision as definite and important as that of going out West alone.She had never been farther west than Jersey City; and her conception of the West was a hazy one of vast plains and rough mountains, squalid towns, cattle herds, and uncouth ill-clad men.
So she carried the letter to her aunt, a rather slight woman with a kindly face and shrewd eyes, and who appeared somewhat given to old-fashioned garments.
"Aunt Mary, here's a letter from Glenn," said Carley."It's more of a stumper than usual.Please read it.""Dear me! You look upset," replied the aunt, mildly, and, adjusting her spectacles, she took the letter.
Carley waited impatiently for the perusal, conscious of inward forces coming more and more to the aid of her impulse to go West.Her aunt paused once to murmur how glad she was that Glenn had gotten well.Then she read on to the close.
"Carley, that's a fine letter," she said, fervently."Do you see through it?""No, I don't," replied Carley."That's why I asked you to read it.""Do you still love Glenn as you used to before--""Why, Aunt Mary!" exclaimed Carley, in surprise.
"Excuse me, Carley, if I'm blunt.But the fact is young women of modern times are very different from my kind when I was a girl.You haven't acted as though you pined for Glenn.You gad around almost the same as ever.""What's a girl to do?" protested Carley.
"You are twenty-six years old, Carley," retorted Aunt Mary.
"Suppose I am.I'm as young--as I ever was.""Well, let's not argue about modern girls and modern times.We never get anywhere," returned her aunt, kindly."But I can tell you something of what Glenn Kilbourne means in that letter--if you want to hear it.""I do--indeed."
"The war did something horrible to Glenn aside from wrecking his health.
Shell-shock, they said! I don't understand that.Out of his mind, they said! But that never was true.Glenn was as sane as I am, and, my dear, that's pretty sane, I'll have you remember.But he must have suffered some terrible blight to his spirit--some blunting of his soul.For months after he returned he walked as one in a trance.Then came a change.He grew restless.Perhaps that change was for the better.At least it showed he'd roused.Glenn saw you and your friends and the life you lead, and all the present, with eyes from which the scales had dropped.He saw what was wrong.He never said so to me, but I knew it.It wasn't only to get well that he went West.It was to get away....And, Carley Burch, if your happiness depends on him you had better be up and doing--or you'll lose him!""Aunt Mary!" gasped Carley.
"I mean it.That letter shows how near he came to the Valley of the Shadow--and how he has become a man....If I were you I'd go out West.
Surely there must be a place where it would be all right for you to stay.""Oh, yes," replied Carley, eagerly."Glenn wrote me there was a lodge where people went in nice weather--right down in the canyon not far from his place.Then, of course, the town--Flagstaff--isn't far....Aunt Mary, Ithink I'll go."
