APRIL 18.-Aunty says I sit writing and reading and thinking too much, and wants me to go out more.I tell her I don't feel strong enough to go out much.She says that is all nonsense, and drags me out.I get tired, and hungry, and sleep like a baby a month old.I see now mother's wisdom and kindness in making me leave home when I did.Ihad veered about from point to point till I was nearly ill.Now Aunty keeps me well by making me go out, and dear Dr.Cabot's precious letter can work a true and not a morbid work in my soul.I am very happy.I have delightful talks with Aunty, who sets me right at this point and at that; and it is beautiful to watch her home-life and to see with what sweet unconsciousness she carries her religion into every detail.I am sure it must do me good to be here; and yet, if Iam growing better how slowly, how slowly, it is! Somebody has said that 'our course heavenward is like the plan of the zealous pilgrims of old, who for every three steps forward, took one backward."APRIL 30.-Aunty's baby, my dear father's namesake, and hitherto the merriest little fellow I ever saw, was taken sick last night, very suddenly.She sent for the doctor at once, who would not say positively what was the matter, but this morning pronounced it scarlet fever.The three youngest have all come down with it to-day.
If they were my children, I should be in a perfect worry and flurry.
Indeed, I am as it is.But Aunty is as bright and cheerful as ever.
She flies from one to another, and.keeps up their spirits with her own gayety.I am mortified to find that at such a time as this I can think of myself, and that I find it irksome to be shut up in sick-rooms, instead of walking, driving, visiting, and the like.But, as Dr.Cabot says, I can now choose to imitate my Master, who spent His whole life in doing good, and I do hope, too, to be of some little use to Aunty, after her kindness to me.
MAY 1.- The doctor says the children are doing as well as, could be expected.He made a short visit this.morning, as it is Sunday.If Ihad ever seen him before I should say I had some unpleasant association with him.I wonder Aunty employs such a great clumsy man.
But she says he is good, and very skillful.I wish I did not take such violent likes and dislikes to people.I want my religion to change me in every respect.
MAY 2.-Oh, I know now! This is the very who was so rude at Sunday-school, and afterwards made such a nice address to the children.Well he may know how to speak in public, but I am sure he doesn't in private.I never knew such a shut-up man.
MAY 4.-I have my hands as full as they can hold.The children have got so fond of me, and one or the other is in my lap nearly all the time.I sing to them, tell them stories, build block-houses, and relieve Aunty all I can.Dull and poky as the doctor is, I am not afraid of him, for he never notices anything I say or do, so while he is holding solemn consultations with Aunty in one corner, I can sing and.talk all sorts of nonsense to my little pets in mine.What fearful black eyes he has, and what masses of black hair!
This busy life quite suits me, now I have got used to it.And it sweetens every bit of work to think that I am doing it in humble, far-off, yet real imitation of Jesus.I am indeed really and truly happy.
MAY 14-It is now two weeks since little Raymond was taken sick, and Ihave lived in the nursery all the time, though Aunty has tried to make me go out.Little Emma was taken down to-day, though she has been kept on the third floor all the time I feel dreadfully myself.
But this hard, cold doctor of Aunty's is so taken up with the children that he never so much as looks at me.I have been in a perfect shiver all day, but these merciless little folks call for stories as eagerly as ever.Well, let me be a comfort to them if Ican! I hate selfishness more and more, and am shocked to see how selfish I have been.
MAY 15.-I was in a burning fever all night, and my head ached, and my throat was and is very sore.If knew I was going to die I would burn up this journal first.I would not have any one see it for the world.
MAY 24.-Dr.Elliott asked me on Sunday morning a week ago if I still felt well.For answer I behaved like a goose, and burst out crying.
Aunty; looked more anxious than I have seen her look yet, and reproached herself for having allowed me to be with the children.She took me by one elbow, and the doctor by the other, and they marched me off to my own room, where I was put through the usual routine on such occasions, and then ordered to bed.I fell asleep immediately and slept all day.The doctor came to see me in the evening, and made a short, stiff little visit, gave me a powder, and said thought Ishould soon be better.
I had two such visits from him the next day, when I began to feel quite like myself again, and in spite of his grave; staid deportment, could not help letting my good spirits run away with me in a style that evidently shocked him.He says persons nursing 'scarlet fever often have such little attacks as mine; indeed every one of the servants have had a sore throat and headache.
