Some of these Mormons have terrific families.I lectured one night by invitation in the Mormon village of Provost, but during the day I rashly gave a leading Mormon an order admitting himself and family--it was before I knew that he was much married--and they filled the room to overflowing.
It was a great success--but I didn't get any money.
(Picture of) Heber C.Kimball's Harem.--Mr.C.Kimball is the first vice-president of the Mormon church--and would--consequently--succeed to the full presidency on Brigham Young's death.
Brother Kimball is a gay and festive cuss of some seventy summers--or some'ers thereabout.He has one thousand head of cattle and a hundred head of wives.(It is an authenticated fact that, in an address to his congregation in the Tabernacle, Heber C.Kimball once alluded to his wives by the endearing epithet of "my heifers;" and on another occasion politely spoke of them as "his cows." The phraseology may possibly be a slight indication of the refinement of manners prevalent in Salt Lake City.) He says they are awful eaters.
Mr.Kimball had a son--a lovely young man--who was married to ten interesting wives.But one day--while he was absent from home--these ten wives went out walking with a handsome young man--which so enraged Mr.Kimball's son--which made Mr.Kimball's son so jealous--that he shot himself with a horse pistuel.
The doctor who attended him--a very scientific man--informed me that the bullet entered the inner parallelogram of his diaphragmatic thorax, superinducing membranous hemorrhage in the outer cuticle of his basiliconthamaturgist.It killed him.I should have thought it would.
(Soft music.) (Here Artemus Ward's pianist [following instructions] sometimes played the dead march from "Saul."At other times, the Welsh air of "Poor Mary Anne;" or anything else replete with sadness which might chance to strike his fancy.The effect was irresistibly comic.)I hope his sad end will be a warning to all young wives who go out walking with handsome young men.Mr.Kimball's son is now no more.He sleeps beneath the cypress--the myrtle--and the willow.This music is a dirge by the eminent pianist for Mr.Kimball's son.He died by request.
I regret to say that efforts were made to make a Mormon of me while I was in Utah.
It was leap-year when I was there--and seventeen young widows--the wives of a deceased Mormon--offered me their hearts and hands.I called on them one day--and taking their soft white hands in mine--which made eighteen hands altogether--I found them in tears.
And I said--"Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?"They hove a sigh--seventeen sighs of different size--They said--"Oh--soon thou wilt be gonested away!"
I told them that when I got ready to leave a place Iwentested.
They said--"Doth not like us?"
I said--"I doth--I doth!"
I also said--"I hope your intentions are honorable--as I am a lone child--my parents being far--far away."They then said--"Wilt not marry us?"
I said--"Oh--no--it cannot was."
Again they asked me to marry them--and again I declined.
When they cried--
"Oh--cruel man! This is too much--oh! too much!"I told them that it was on account of the muchness that Ideclined.
(Picture.) This is the Mormon Temple.
It is built of adobe--and will hold five thousand persons quite comfortably.A full brass and string band often assists the choir of this church--and the choir--I may add--is a remarkably good one.
Brigham Young seldom preaches now.The younger elders--unless on some special occasion--conduct the services.Ionly heard Mr.Young once.He is not an educated man--but speaks with considerable force and clearness.The day I was there there was nothing coarse in his remarks.
(Picture of) The foundations of the Temple.
These are the foundations of the magnificent Temple the Mormons are building.It is to be built of hewn stone--and will cover several acres of ground.They say it shall eclipse in splendor all other temples in the world.They also say it shall be paved with solid gold.
It is perhaps worthy of remark that the architect of this contemplated gorgeous affair repudiated Mormonism--and is now living in London.
(Picture of) The Temple as it is to be.
This pretty little picture is from the architect's design--and cannot therefore--I suppose--be called a fancy sketch.
(Artemus had the windows of the temple in his panorama cut out and filled in with transparent colored paper, so that, when lighted from behind, it had the effect of one of the little plaster churches, with a piece of lighted candle inside, which the Italian image-boys display at times for sale in the streets.Nothing in the course of the evening pleased Artemus more than to notice the satisfaction with which this meretricious piece of absurdity was received by the audience.)Should the Mormons continue unmolested--I think they will complete this rather remarkable edifice.
(Picture of the) Great Salt Lake.
Great Salt Lake.--The great salt dead sea of the desert.
I know of no greater curiosity than this inland sea of thick brine.It is eighty miles wide--and one hundred and thirty miles long.Solid masses of salt are daily washed ashore in immense heaps--and the Mormon in want of salt has only to go to the shore of this lake and fill his cart.Only--the salt for table use has to be subjected to a boiling process.
These are facts--susceptible of the clearest possible proof.
They tell one story about this lake--however--that I have my doubts about.They say a Mormon farmer drove forty head of cattle in there once--and they came out firstrate pickled beef.--* * * * *
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