登陆注册
15347700000005

第5章 清空心灵的沙子Emptied the sand soul(5)

“Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,at least 8or 9years ago.She never wore it.She was saving it for a special occasion.

Well,I guess this is the occasion.

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed,with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician.His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me,”Don‘t ever save anything for a special occasion.Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.“

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death.I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the midwestern town where my sister‘s family lives.I thought about all the things that she hadn’t seen or heard or done.I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I‘m still thinking about his words,and they’ve changed the weeds in the garden.I‘m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings.Whenever possible,life should be a pattern of experience to savour,not endure.I’m trying to recognize these moment now and cherish them.

I‘m not “saving”anything;we use our good china and crystal for every special.Event such as losing a pound,getting the sink unstopped,the first camellia blossom…I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.My theory is if I look prosperous,I can shell out $28.49for one small bag of groceries without wincing.I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties;clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends.

“Someday”and “one of these days”are losing their grip on my vocabulary.If it‘s worth seeing or hearing or doing,I want to see and hear and do it now.I’m not sure what my sister would‘ve done had she know that she wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.

I think she would have called family members and a few close friends.She might have called a few former friends to apologize,and mend fences for past squabbles.I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,her favorite food.I‘m guessing.I’ll never know.

It‘s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday.Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.Angry and sorry that I didn‘t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

I’m trying very hard not to put off,hold back,or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.And every morning when I open my eyes,I tell myself that every day,every minute,every breath truly,is a gift from God.

妹夫打开了妹妹衣柜最底层抽屉,拿出一个用纸包装的包裹。“这个,”他说,“不是件普通内衣,而是一件豪华内衣。”他把薄纸撕开,递给了我那件内衣。

它的确精致无比,丝质、全手工缝制,周围还有一圈网状蕾丝花边。价签都尚未拆去,上面的数字高得惊人。

“这是我们第一次去纽约时简买的,至少已是八、九年前的事了。她从没有穿过它。她想等一个特殊的日子再穿它。”

唉,我想现在便是那特殊的日子了。

妹夫从我手中拿过内衣放在床上,和其他我们要带给殡仪服务人员的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔软织物上徘徊了一会儿,随即砰然关上抽屉,转身对我说:“永远不要把任何东西留给什么特殊日子。你活着的每一天就是一个特殊的日子。”

这两句话久久在我耳边回响着,伴我度过了葬礼和帮妹夫、侄女处理妹妹意外死亡后的伤心后事的那几天。我从位处中西部的妹妹家返回加州时,在飞机上还是在想这两句话。我想到妹妹未曾有机会看到、听到或去做的事。我想到她淡然做过,但却没有意识到其特殊性的事。

我至今还在想着妹夫说的话,正是它们改变了我的心境。我花了更多的时间与家人朋友在一起,而少花些时间在那些工作会议上。无论何时,生活应当是一种“品味”而非一种“忍受”。我在学习欣赏每一刻,并珍惜每一刻。

我不再去“珍藏”任何东西;只要有一点好事,我们就不吝啬使用精美的瓷器和水晶制品,比如说当体重减了一磅时,当厨房水槽堵塞通了时,当第一朵山茶花绽放时……如果我想穿,我就穿上我名牌衣服去市场购物。我的理论是:如果我看上去还富足的话,我可以毫不心疼地为一小袋杂货付出28.49美元。我不再为特殊的派对而珍藏我上好的香水;五金店售货员和银行出纳员们的嗅觉,不会比派对上朋友们来得差。

“有朝一日”和“终有一天”这样的词正从我的常用词汇中淡出。如果值得去看、去听或去做,我当即就要去看、去听或去做。人们总是理所当然地以为自己必然有明天,不知假如妹妹知道她将没有明日,她会做些什么。

我想她会给家人和几位密友打电话。她可能还会给几位昔日朋友打电话主动道歉,摒弃前嫌。我想她可能会外出吃顿她喜欢的中餐。我只是猜想而已。我永远也不会知道。

假如我知道我的时间不多了,那些没来得及做的小事会让我恼火。恼火是因为我一拖再拖没能去看看“有朝一日”会去看的好友们。恼火是因为我还没有写出我“终有一天”要写的信。恼火与内疚是因为我没能更经常地告诉我的丈夫和女儿:我是多么真切地爱他们。

我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能给我们生活带来欢笑和光彩的东西。每天清晨当我睁开双眼,我便告诉自己每一天、每一分钟、每一瞬间都真是……上帝赐予的礼物。

A smile save a life

一个微笑挽救一条生命

“I was sure that I was to be killed.I became terribly nervous.I fumbled in my pockets to see if there were any cigarettes,which had escaped their search.I found one and because of my shaking hands,I could barely get it to my lips.But I had no matches,they had taken those.“

“I looked through the bars at my jailer.He did not make eye contact with me.I called out to him ‘Have you got a light?’He looked at me,shrugged and came over to light my cigarette.”

“As he came close and lit the match,his eyes inadvertently locked with mine.At that moment,I smiled.I don‘t know why I did that.Perhaps it was nervousness,perhaps it was because,when you get very close,one to another,it is very hard not to smile.In any case,I smiled.In that instant,it was as though a spark jumped across the gap between our two hearts,our two human souls.I know he didn’t want to,but my smile leaped through the bars and generated a smile on his lips,too.He lit my cigarette but stayed near,looking at me directly in the eyes and continuing to smile.”

“I kept smiling at him,now aware of him as a person and not just a jailer.And his looking at me seemed to have a new dimension too.‘Do you have kids?’he asked.”

“Yes,here,here.‘I took out my wallet and nervously fumbled for the pictures of my family.He,too,took out the pictures of his family and began to talk about his plans and hopes for them.My eyes filled with tears.I said that I feared that I’d never see my family again,never have the chance to see them grow up.Tears came to his eyes,too.“Suddenly,without another word,he unlocked my cell and silently led me out.Out of the jail,quietly and by back routes,out of the town.There,at the edge of town,he released me.And without another word,he turned back toward the town.”

同类推荐
  • 合格班干部的自我培养(优秀班干部从这里起步)

    合格班干部的自我培养(优秀班干部从这里起步)

    《优秀的班干部从这里起步:合格班干部的自我培养》细致入微的介绍了中小学班干部与少先队、共青团的干部的养成,帮助学生更好的处理班级事务,增加学生的班级建设能力和组织能力,增强自身的素质,成为一名合格的班级建设者。
  • 女人的弱点

    女人的弱点

    女人可能是世界上最不可思议的“动物”。当你追得紧时,她会向前奔跑几步;当你停下脚步时,她又会掉过头看你。当你追求她时,她扭过脸懒得理你;当你偶尔对别的女人表现出兴趣,她又会吃醋;表面上说讨厌你,心里却暗暗喜欢你……男人们由此感叹,“女人心,海底针”。而事实上,女人心并不如我们想象或认为的那样讳莫如深,看似复杂的女人心,也是单纯的;看似把自己保护的如铜墙铁壁,也是有弱点的。
  • 每天懂点奇妙问话术·读心术·心理掌控术

    每天懂点奇妙问话术·读心术·心理掌控术

    你是否经常向朋友袒露心扉,最后却发现他总是向其他人散布你的谣言?你是否向老板提出加薪,却因为猜不透他的心思,最终遭遇"滑铁卢"的失败。你是否因为不懂恋人的心思,最终错失一段美好的姻缘,直到现在还高声唱着《单身情歌》?请翻开本书,获取掌控他人的王牌,顺利地开启幸运之门。
  • 改变命运的10种优质性格

    改变命运的10种优质性格

    什么是“优质性格“?即有利于把一件事情做好、做到完善程度的个性、习惯。善用之,会让你减少许多主动失误,而做稳、做大一件事;不善用之则可能让你的心中事掉进失败之境。
  • 心理刘备

    心理刘备

    桃园结义、三让徐州,他与吕布恩怨难解、与曹操煮酒论英雄;三顾茅庐、联孙抗曹,卧龙、凤雏双璧合一、五虎上将皆为所用,却落个火烧连营、白帝托孤——刘备是汉末三国时代最坎坷也最坚韧的英雄,这位爱哭又永远打不死的传奇人物,他的心里到底在想什么?
热门推荐
  • 今非昔比公主殿下请回家

    今非昔比公主殿下请回家

    她是21世纪的杀手神话,一朝穿越。成为在外流浪十年的公主。当她成为她。又会掀起怎样的神话?她冷漠无情。却桃花依旧。谁又将与她,携手看尽天下。【敬请期待!】
  • 李半仙的末日危机

    李半仙的末日危机

    土著吊打外星人!卧槽,你为什么会飞?没关系,等我买个“御剑术”先。什么?御剑术不能飞?钢铁侠中不中?你你你,你别逼我出大招:看我罗峰附体,吞噬星空!(系统流,目前主角已购买技能:蜘蛛侠、段誉)
  • 三国之争锋天下

    三国之争锋天下

    上兵伐谋,体会演义的精彩!热血激情,还原历史的真实!主角的正能量带你领略他的三国之路!武将养成,领地建设,打造特种部队!
  • 做个幸福小女人:破解女人的幸福密码

    做个幸福小女人:破解女人的幸福密码

    时下,对于小女人而言,幸福已经不单是好孩子、好老、公、好家庭,因为她们已经从家庭走向了社会,于是她们的幸福所包含的范围也越来越广。《做个幸福小女人:破解女人的幸福密码》就是要告诉女人,想要得到自己梦寐以求的幸福,就要把握好一个“度”,这个“度”包括你自身见识的高度、涵养的深度、视野的广度、衡量人和事的尺度、看问题的角度、追寻目标的速度、内心的温度以及对待人生的态度。女人们如果在这些方面都能做到张弛、进退有度,那么幸福自然也就不会远了。
  • 大都市强者

    大都市强者

    现代都市,繁华的背后隐藏着的却是危机,少年龙天就在这里开始了他的修武生涯。
  • 婚情蜜意,宠妻无上限

    婚情蜜意,宠妻无上限

    为报复渣男,她本打算在民政局上演一出“痛打陈世美”的戏码让他名誉扫地,却没想到被当妈,不仅有了儿子,还有男神给她当靠山!可她明明未婚,连洞房都没入,孩子是哪儿来的?她百口莫辩,一夕间,从受害者变成了败坏家族门风的坏女人,男神说,“和我结婚,我护你一世周全!”被逼无奈,她和男神玩隐婚,可不是说好有名无实么?那个夜夜求欢食髓知味的人是谁?港城的人都知道男神宠妻,为了她可以毫无底线,虐尽渣男贱女,可她却觉得,男神就是一只大灰狼!【纯属虚构,请勿模仿】
  • 女生寝室的美女部落

    女生寝室的美女部落

    本书为短篇小说集,由大中专生分篇完成,每个作者都是女孩子,她们写上学的经历,尤其写住宿生活。写宿舍的阳台,写宿舍的晾衣架,写宿舍对面那些偷窥的坏坏男生,写那些给她们写情书的男孩子,写宿舍集体去唱歌,去逛街,一起趴在阳台上看流星雨,写那个年龄段的孤独与寂寞,写那时错过的花开与错过的花落。有时,也写宿舍的那些讨人厌的老鼠,老是偷吃她们的零食。有时,也写宿友睡觉时的呼噜声,声声入耳,宛如音乐。有时,也写早晨时洗漱时的情形,有人借牙膏,有人忘带了毛巾,有人把洗脚盆当成了洗脸盆。有时,也写她们如何吃夜宵,如何开卧谈会,如何谈天谈地,谈说谈笑,谈对面的那些臭男生。
  • 夫君有毒

    夫君有毒

    穿越女受不了病娇夫君虐待而死,重生后获得一个万能系统金手指,她的口号是:远离病娇,全家幸福。福兮祸所倚,没想到重生了也逃不过那个可恨的冤家!她该怎么办?
  • 太阳系帝国

    太阳系帝国

    公元3009年,殖民者们已经殖民到了海王星,几乎到达了整个太阳系行星系统的边际。太阳系中一片繁华,可是在这繁荣的背后,却是暗流涌动,各地冲突不断,地球共和国对各个星球殖民地的控制力不断被削弱,一个大时代即将来临......张泽,一个土生土长的“海王星人”,作为一个航空中队的下级军官,在这样一个时代,等待他的,会是怎样的际遇?
  • EXO之鹿晗爱上我

    EXO之鹿晗爱上我

    鹿晗(男主),万众瞩目的大明星;林初雪(女主),F(X)成员(纯属虚构),一次偶遇,一见钟情...”雪儿,kris欺负我...“”吴亦凡,你再敢欺负我家傻狍子,我跟你没完!"(这样秀恩爱真的好吗...)