THORPE'S DREAM GIRL
Chapter XXXVII
The moment had struck for the woman.Thorpe did not know it, but it was true.A solitary, brooding life in the midst of grand surroundings, an active, strenuous life among great responsibilities, a starved, hungry life of the affections whence even the sister had withdrawn her love,--all these had worked unobtrusively towards the formation of a single psychological condition.Such a moment comes to every man.In it he realizes the beauties, the powers, the vastnesses which unconsciously his being has absorbed.They rise to the surface as a need, which, being satisfied, is projected into the visible world as an ideal to be worshipped.Then is happiness and misery beside which the mere struggle to dominate men becomes trivial, the petty striving with the forces of nature seems a little thing.And the woman he at that time meets takes on the qualities of the dream; she is more than woman, less than goddess; she is the best of that man made visible.
Thorpe found himself for the first time filled with the spirit of restlessness.His customary iron evenness of temper was gone, so that he wandered quickly from one detail of his work to another, without seeming to penetrate below the surface-need of any one task.Out of the present his mind was always escaping to a mystic fourth dimension which he did not understand.But a week before, he had felt himself absorbed in the component parts of his enterprise, the totality of which arched far over his head, shutting out the sky.Now he was outside of it.He had, without his volition, abandoned the creator's standpoint of the god at the heart of his work.It seemed as important, as great to him, but somehow it had taken on a strange solidarity, as though he had left it a plastic beginning and returned to find it hardened into the shapes of finality.He acknowledged it admirable,--and wondered how he had ever accomplished it! He confessed that it should be finished as it had begun,--and could not discover in himself the Titan who had watched over its inception.
Thorpe took this state of mind much to heart, and in combating it expended more energy than would have sufficed to accomplish the work.Inexorably he held himself to the task.He filled his mind full of lumbering.The millions along the bank on section nine must be cut and travoyed directly to the rollways.It was a shame that the necessity should arise.From section nine Thorpe had hoped to lighten the expenses when finally he should begin operations on the distant and inaccessible headwaters of French Creek.Now there was no help for it.The instant necessity was to get thirty millions of pine logs down the river before Wallace Carpenter's notes came due.Every other consideration had to yield before that.Fifteen millions more could be cut on seventeen, nineteen, and eleven,--regions hitherto practically untouched,--by the men in the four camps inland.Camp One and Camp Three could attend to section nine.
These were details to which Thorpe applied his mind.As he pushed through the sun-flecked forest, laying out his roads, placing his travoy trails, spying the difficulties that might supervene to mar the fair face of honest labor, he had always this thought before him,--that he must apply his mind.By an effort, a tremendous effort, he succeeded in doing so.The effort left him limp.He found himself often standing, or moving gently, his eyes staring sightless, his mind cradled on vague misty clouds of absolute inaction, his will chained so softly and yet so firmly that he felt no strength and hardly the desire to break from the dream that lulled him.Then he was conscious of the physical warmth of the sun, the faint sweet woods smells, the soothing caress of the breeze, the sleepy cicada-like note of the pine creeper.Through his half-closed lashes the tangled sun-beams made soft-tinted rainbows.He wanted nothing so much as to sit on the pine needles there in the golden flood of radiance, and dream--dream on--vaguely, comfortably, sweetly--dream of the summer---Thorpe, with a mighty and impatient effort, snapped the silken cords asunder.
"Lord, Lord!" he cried impatiently."What's coming to me? I must be a little off my feed!"And he hurried rapidly to his duties.After an hour of the hardest concentration he had ever been required to bestow on a trivial subject, he again unconsciously sank by degrees into the old apathy.
"Glad it isn't the busy season!" he commented to himself."Here, Imust quit this! Guess it's the warm weather.I'll get down to the mill for a day or two."There he found himself incapable of even the most petty routine work.He sat to his desk at eight o'clock and began the perusal of a sheaf of letters, comprising a certain correspondence, which Collins brought him.The first three he read carefully; the following two rather hurriedly; of the next one he seized only the salient and essential points; the seventh and eighth he skimmed;the remainder of the bundle he thrust aside in uncontrollable impatience.Next day he returned to the woods.
The incident of the letters had aroused to the full his old fighting spirit, before which no mere instincts could stand.He clamped the iron to his actions and forced them to the way appointed.Once more his mental processes became clear and incisive, his commands direct and to the point.To all outward appearance Thorpe was as before.
