Remained quite unanswered.And I understood that those sciences are very interesting and attractive,but that they are exact and clear in inverse proportion to their applicability to the question of life:the less their applicability to the question of life,the more exact and clear they are,while the more they try to reply to the question of life,the more obscure and unattractive they become.If one turns to the division of sciences which attempt to reply to the questions of life--to physiology,psychology,biology,sociology--one encounters an appalling poverty of thought,the greatest obscurity,a quite unjustifiable pretension to solve irrelevant question,and a continual contradiction of each authority by others and even by himself.If one turns to the branches of science which are not concerned with the solution of the questions of life,but which reply to their own special scientific questions,one is enraptured by the power of man's mind,but one knows in advance that they give no reply to life's questions.Those sciences simply ignore life's questions.They say:"To the question of what you are and why you live we have no reply,and are not occupied with that;but if you want to know the laws of light,of chemical combinations,the laws of development of organisms,if you want to know the laws of bodies and their form,and the relation of numbers and quantities,if you want to know the laws of your mind,to all that we have clear,exact and unquestionable replies."
In general the relation of the experimental sciences to life's question may be expressed thus:Question:"Why do I live?"
Answer:"In infinite space,in infinite time,infinitely small particles change their forms in infinite complexity,and when you have under stood the laws of those mutations of form you will understand why you live on the earth."
Then in the sphere of abstract science I said to myself:"All humanity lives and develops on the basis of spiritual principles and ideals which guide it.Those ideals are expressed in religions,in sciences,in arts,in forms of government.Those ideals become more and more elevated,and humanity advances to its highest welfare.I am part of humanity,and therefore my vocation is to forward the recognition and the realization of the ideals of humanity."And at the time of my weak-mindedness I was satisfied with that;but as soon as the question of life presented itself clearly to me,those theories immediately crumbled away.Not to speak of the unscrupulous obscurity with which those sciences announce conclusions formed on the study of a small part of mankind as general conclusions;not to speak of the mutual contradictions of different adherents of this view as to what are the ideals of humanity;the strangeness,not to say stupidity,of the theory consists in the fact that in order to reply to the question facing each man:"What am I?"or "Why do I live?"or "What must I do?"
one has first to decide the question:"What is the life of the whole?"(which is to him unknown and of which he is acquainted with one tiny part in one minute period of time.To understand what he is,one man must first understand all this mysterious humanity,consisting of people such as himself who do not understand one another.
I have to confess that there was a time when I believed this.
