HERESY AND SCHISM.
You may talk about religion with a free and open mind, For ten dollars you may criticize a judge;You may discuss in politics the newest thing you find, And open scientific truth to all the deaf and blind, But there's one place where the brain must never budge!
CHORUS.
Oh, the Home is Utterly Perfect!
And all its works within!
To say a word about it--
To criticize or doubt it--
To seek to mend or move it--
To venture to improve it--
Is The Unpardonable Sin!
--"Old Song."
Mr.Porne took an afternoon off and came with his wife to hear their former housemaid lecture.As many other men as were able did the same.
All the members not bedridden were present, and nearly all the guests they had invited.
So many were the acceptances that a downtown hall had been taken; the floor was more than filled, and in the gallery sat a block of servant girls, more gorgeous in array than the ladies below whispering excitedly among themselves.The platform recalled a "tournament of roses," and, sternly important among all that fragrant loveliness, sat Mrs.Dankshire in "the chair" flanked by Miss Torbus, the Recording Secretary, Miss Massing, the Treasurer, and Mrs.Ree, tremulous with importance in her official position.All these ladies wore an air of high emprise, even more intense than that with which they usually essayed their public duties.They were richly dressed, except Miss Torbus, who came as near it as she could.
At the side, and somewhat in the rear of the President, on a chair quite different from "the chair," discreetly gowned and of a bafflingly serene demeanor, sat Miss Bell.All eyes were upon her--even some opera glasses.
"She's a good-looker anyhow," was one masculine opinion.
"She's a peach," was another, "Tell you--the chap that gets her is well heeled!" said a third.
The ladies bent their hats toward one another and conferred in flowing whispers; and in the gallery eager confidences were exchanged, with giggles.
On the small table before Mrs.Dankshire, shaded by a magnificent bunch of roses, lay that core and crux of all parliamentry dignity, the gavel;an instrument no self-respecting chairwoman may be without; yet which she still approaches with respectful uncertainty.
In spite of its large size and high social standing, the Orchardina Home and Culture Club contained some elements of unrest, and when the yearly election of officers came round there was always need for careful work in practical politics to keep the reins of government in the hands of "the right people."Mrs.Thaddler, conscious of her New York millions, and Madam Weatherstone, conscious of her Philadelphia lineage, with Mrs.Johnston A.Marrow ("one of the Boston Marrows!" was awesomely whispered of her), were the heads of what might be called "the conservative party" in this small parliament; while Miss Miranda L.Eagerson, describing herself as 'a journalist,' who held her place in local society largely by virtue of the tacit dread of what she might do if offended--led the more radical element.
Most of the members were quite content to follow the lead of the solidly established ladies of Orchard Avenue; especially as this leadership consisted mainly in the pursuance of a masterly inactivity.When wealth and aristocracy combine with that common inertia which we dignify as "conservatism" they exert a powerful influence in the great art of sitting still.
Nevertheless there were many alert and conscientious women in this large membership, and when Miss Eagerson held the floor, and urged upon the club some active assistance in the march of events, it needed all Mrs.
Dankshire's generalship to keep them content with marking time.
On this auspicious occasion, however, both sides were agreed in interest and approval.Here was a subject appealing to every woman present, and every man but such few as merely "boarded"; even they had memories and hopes concerning this question.
Solemnly rose Mrs.Dankshire, her full silks rustling about her, and let one clear tap of the gavel fall into the sea of soft whispering and guttural murmurs.
In the silence that followed she uttered the momentous announcements:
"The meeting will please come to order," "We will now hear the reading of the minutes of the last meeting," and so on most conscientiously through officer's reports and committees reports to "new business."Perhaps it is their more frequent practice of religious rites, perhaps their devout acceptance of social rulings and the dictates of fashion, perhaps the lifelong reiterance of small duties at home, or all these things together, which makes women so seriously letter-perfect in parliamentry usage.But these stately ceremonies were ended in course of time, and Mrs.Dankshire rose again, even more solemn than before, and came forward majestically.
"Members---and guests," she said impressively, "this is an occasion which brings pride to the heart of every member of the Home and Culture Club.As our name implies, this Club is formed to serve the interests of The Home--those interests which stand first, I trust, in every human heart."A telling pause, and the light patter of gloved hands.
"Its second purpose," pursued the speaker, with that measured delivery which showed that her custom, as one member put it, was to "first write and then commit," "is to promote the cause of Culture in this community.
Our aim is Culture in the broadest sense, not only in the curricula of institutions of learning, not only in those spreading branches of study and research which tempts us on from height to height"--("proof of arboreal ancestry that," Miss Eagerson confided to a friend, whose choked giggle attracted condemning eyes)--"but in the more intimate fields of daily experience.""Most of us, however widely interested in the higher education, are still--and find in this our highest honor--wives and mothers." These novel titles called forth another round of applause.
