scurvy spots breaking out on his fingers the first winter, then a wateriness in the mouth.Next year, about May, 173 1, there grew upon him a ravenous appetite, and a palpitation of heart.In six weeks, from " being tall, lean, and rawboned, he became on a sudden the most sturdy robust, healthful-like fellow you have seen, with a ruddy complexion and a cheerful countenance." He goes on to say, that "having now time and leisure to cool my inflamed imagination, I began to consider seriously how I should proceed with my philosophical {117} studies.I found that the moral philosophy transmitted to us by antiquity labored under the same inconvenience that has been found in their natural philosophy, of being entirely hypothetical, and depending more upon invention than experience every one consulted his fancy in erecting schemes of virtue and happiness, without regarding human nature, upon which every moral conclusion must depend.This, therefore, I resolved to male my principal study, and the source from which I would derive every truth in criticism as well as morality." He tells how he had read most of the celebrated books in Latin, French, and English; how "within these three years I find I have scribbled many a quire of paper, in which there is nothing contained but my own inventions;" how he " had collected the rude materials for many volumes but he adds, " I had no hopes of delivering my opinions with such elegance and neatness as to draw to me the attention of the world, and Iwould rather live and die in obscurity than produce them maimed and imperfect." "It.is a weakness rather than lowness of spirits which troubles me;" and he traces an analogy between what he had passed through and recorded religious experiences." I have noticed in the writings of the French mystics, and in those of our fanatics here, that when they give a history of the situation of their souls, they mention a coldness and desertion of the spirit, which frequently returns." But, " however this may be, I have not come out of the cloud so well as they commonly tell us they have done, or rather began to despair of ever recovering.To keep myself from being melancholy on so dismal a prospect, my only security was in peevish reflections on the vanity of the world, and of all human glory, which, however just sentiments they may be esteemed, I have found can never be sincere, except in those who are possessed of them.Being sensible that all my philosophy would never make me contented in my present situation, I began to rouse up myself." He found these two things very bad for this distemper, study and idleness, and so he wishes to betake himself to active life.His choice was confined to two kinds of life, that of a travelling governor, and that of a merchant.The first not being fit for him he says he is now on his way to Bristol, to engage in business till he is able to "leave this distemper behind me." He says, that " all the physicians {118} I have consulted, though very able, could never enter into my distemper," and so he now applies to this eminent doctor.
In this remarkable document Hume unbosoms himself for the first time, and, I may add, for the last time.He had endeavored to act the self-righteous and self-sufficient stoic.We have other evidence of this.In the letter already extracted from, written when he was sixteen, he says."Ihate task-reading, and I diversify them at pleasure;sometimes a philosopher, sometimes a poet." "The philosopher's wise man and the poet's husbandman agree in peace of mind in a liberty and independence on fortune, and contempt of riches, power, and glory.Every thing is placid and quiet in both, nothing perturbed or in disorder." " Aperfectly wise man that outbraves fortune is surely greater than the husbandman who slips by her; and indeed this pastoral and Saturnian happiness I have in a great measure come at just now.I live a king, pretty much by myself, neither full of action nor perturbation, -- <molles somnos>.
This state, however, I can foresee, is not to be relied on.
My peace of mind is not sufficiently confirmed by philosophy to withstand the blows of fortune.This greatness and elevation of soul is to be found only in study and contemplation; this can alone teach us to look down on human accidents.You must allow me to talk thus like a philosopher; 'tis a subject I think much on, and could talk all day long of." But the attempt had turned out a miserable failure, as he acknowledges in his letter to the physician.
